Talk:Bob Wright/Archives/2016

New photo and Career section
Hi all! I'm back to present some additional updates to consider for this page. First off, I've uploaded File: Bob Wright profile photo.png to Wikimedia Commons that can be used in the infobox. Secondly, I created a draft of a new Career section that will help better structure this article. More details and reasoning below.

There are some issues in the current article:
 * The article is broken up into 2 main sections: Biography, which includes everything from Mr. Wright's career to personal life; and Awards
 * Sourcing in Biography is spotty; there are only 5 in-line citations used in 10 paragraphs of text
 * There is no real flow to the narrative; the Early life and career subsection begins with the same information as the following subsection, NBC, and then moves backward

In my draft, you'll see:
 * I stuck to verifiable facts that are sourced to independent, third-party sources
 * The Career section is split into 4
 * Early career deals with Mr. Wright's time at General Electric and Cox Cable, providing more information on these early roles
 * NBC and NBCUniversal is a well-sourced look at Mr. Wright's career with the media company, including his fight against digital piracy
 * Lee Equity Partners is a brief look at one of Mr. Wright's more current roles
 * Boards and affiliations contains only Mr. Wright's current board memberships and affiliations
 * I eliminated biased language, such as instances where the article says Mr. Wright turned NBC into a "global media powerhouse"
 * I eliminated bold statements that carried no citations, such as "During Wright's tenure, NBC was GE's most successful business, enjoying double-digit compounded annual growth in operating profit"

Now, the current Biography section that encapsulates Mr. Wright's career also contains information on his personal life, his book and his co-founding of Autism Speaks. These are all things I will incorporate into drafts in the near future. For the time being, if my draft for the Career section is acceptable, and can be added, I'd suggest retaining those details within Biography. Ie. adding the new Career draft, then removing all info from Biography except the Autism Speaks details and and personal life info.

I would very much appreciate it if anyone can review and add the Career section and the also add the new photo to the article. Happy to respond to any questions here. Many thanks! 16912 Rhiannon (Talk · COI) 17:09, 18 March 2016 (UTC)
 * Pinging to see if Omni Flames would be interested to look at this request, since they assisted with the above request. (Based on User:Zeke Essiestudy's user page note, it sounds like this current request might be a bit more complex than they're used to looking at, which is why I'm just pinging Omni.) Thanks in advance. 16912 Rhiannon (Talk &middot; COI) 18:10, 29 March 2016 (UTC)
 * Well sourced, fairly neutral, looks good to me. I'll add the section and I've also added the image, which will definitely help the article. Thanks for that. — Omni Flames  ( talk   contribs ) 21:14, 29 March 2016 (UTC)
 * Many thanks, Omni Flames, for your review and updating the article with the draft and image! I do have a few more suggestions for improving this page, so if you don't mind too much I may ping you again once those are ready to share. Thanks again, 16912 Rhiannon (Talk &middot; COI) 01:30, 30 March 2016 (UTC)

New Bibliography section
Hi Omni Flames and any others who might be watching and interested, I am back with another suggestion for this article. This is just a quick one: I have put together a short Bibliography section that could be added following Career to note Mr. Wright's published works.

As noted previously, due to my paid COI (I am here on behalf of Mr. Wright via publisher Hilsinger Mendelson as part of my work at Beutler Ink), I will not make edits to this page and am proposing these changes here for discussion and for other editors to review. I would very much appreciate it if editors watching this page could review and add the Bibliography section. I have a few more suggestions coming shortly. Many thanks! 16912 Rhiannon (Talk · COI) 16:40, 30 March 2016 (UTC)
 * So what is it that you're proposing, exactly? All I can see is a reference, is that what you want to be added to the page? — Omni Flames  ( talk   contribs ) 08:12, 31 March 2016 (UTC)
 * Yes, that is indeed what I'm suggesting: A Bibliography section header followed by the  template. Check out the Bibliography section to the Tina Fey article. That's what I'm thinking, per #9 in the WikiProject Biography Tips for writing biographies. Of course, if there's another way to include this that would be more appropriate, I'd be open to that. Thanks! 16912 Rhiannon (Talk &middot; COI)  15:43, 31 March 2016 (UTC)
 * Ah, I see! Seems simple enough, will do :) — Omni Flames  ( talk   contribs ) 05:48, 1 April 2016 (UTC)
 * Thanks so much for adding Bibliography. I will have more suggestions very shortly if you're interested. Thanks! 16912 Rhiannon (Talk &middot; COI) 19:44, 1 April 2016 (UTC)

New Early life and education section
Hi again! I'm back with another proposed addition: an Early life and education section to be included before the Career section. This proposed draft is fairly short and to-the-point. It includes Mr. Wright's birthdate and birthplace, his family and the schools he attended. Again, I am working on behalf of Mr. Wright via HMI as part of my work at Beutler Ink. With my COI in mind, I am proposing these changes here for discussion and for other editors to review.

If this looks OK, can someone add this Early life and education section? Thanks! 16912 Rhiannon (Talk · COI) 19:51, 1 April 2016 (UTC)
 * Quick ping note to Omni Flames to see if they'd be interested to take a look at this request given their help before. Thanks, 16912 Rhiannon (Talk &middot; COI) 21:21, 6 April 2016 (UTC)
 * ✅ Thanks for your contributions! — Omni Flames  ( talk   contribs ) 22:35, 7 April 2016 (UTC)
 * Thanks for your review and adding this to the article! 16912 Rhiannon (Talk &middot; COI) 14:18, 8 April 2016 (UTC)

New Autism Speaks section
Hi all! Here with a proposed Autism Speaks section to add to the article. Until recently, Mr. Wright's role as co-founder of Autism Speaks was mentioned in two sentences scattered in the article: one in an Early life and career section, and another in Personal life. Being such a large organization and a high-profile role in Mr. Wright's life, I'd like to suggest Autism Speaks could be handled in a section of its own following the existing Career section. Again, I'm also pinging Omni Flames, who has helped with previous requests, though of course any other editors watching would be welcome to provide feedback!

As a reminder to reviewing editors, I have a COI as I'm here on behalf of Mr. Wright as part of my work at Beutler Ink, so I'm proposing these changes here for discussion and review. Can someone add Autism Speaks to the article if this looks OK? If any adjustments are needed to the proposed text, I'm more than happy to discuss.

After this request, I will have suggestions to clean up the Awards section, re-establish a Personal life section and update the introduction to better reflect the article after recent changes. Thanks! 16912 Rhiannon (Talk · COI) 13:33, 11 April 2016 (UTC)

✅ Timothy Joseph Wood  19:11, 18 April 2016 (UTC)
 * Thanks so much for your review and adding this into the article, TimothyJosephWood! I have a few small requests still to come and I'm aiming to wrap them all up into one note. I hope editors who've helped here so far will be able to assist with those finishing touches! Thanks again, 16912 Rhiannon (Talk &middot; COI) 13:43, 19 April 2016 (UTC)

Updating Awards and new Personal life section
Hi again! I'm back with a few more proposals to improve this article. Both of the drafts are short and pretty straight forward, and the other suggestion is a very quick formatting fix. Seeing as I have a COI (as noted previously, I am here on behalf of Bob Wright via publisher HMI, as part of my work with Beutler Ink), I ask other editors to review the changes and update the article if they approve.

First, I'd like to suggest replacing the existing Awards section, which is a bulleted list of accomplishments. My draft below puts this information in paragraph form and updates with independent, third-party sourcing where possible.

Second, at the moment the article has no Personal life section, so I'd like to propose one that could be added beneath Bibliography. This is a small section including info on Mr. Wright's family and where he lives, typical for these types of bios.

Third, a small suggestion to adjust the formatting of the References: can someone make the refs section appear as two columns by adding ? This will make it much easier to read.

As always, I'm happy to answer to any questions or talk through adjustments to my proposed updates. Just as a heads up, after these suggestions, my final area of focus will be updating the article's introduction, which seems very short compared with the article content. I'll be offering my thoughts on that once editors have had a chance to review the above proposals. Thanks, 16912 Rhiannon (Talk · COI) 21:34, 20 April 2016 (UTC)
 * ✅ Looks like a neutral, well sourced edit to me, basically just rearranging of existing information. — crh 23   &thinsp;(Talk) 07:56, 25 April 2016 (UTC)
 * BTW, I just noticed than the integer column number argument for reflist is deprecated, so I've updated the article to use the new format. — crh 23   &thinsp;(Talk) 08:26, 25 April 2016 (UTC)
 * Thanks so much, appreciate your review and moving these live! And thanks for catching the reflist fix. 16912 Rhiannon (Talk &middot; COI) 19:39, 26 April 2016 (UTC)

Updating introduction
Hi all! I'm here with what should be my final suggestion for now. As the article has been significantly updated, and the introduction has never provided a complete overview of the article, I'd like to suggest that it be revisited and expanded. The current introduction is one sentence. A slightly longer lede would help summarize the article's content for readers. Here's what I would suggest:

Reminder: I have a COI as I'm here on behalf of Mr. Wright via HMI as part of my work at Beutler Ink, so I'm proposing these changes here for discussion and review. Can someone add the new introduction to the article if it looks OK? Just in case any of them are available and would like to look at this, I'm pinging Omni Flames, TimothyJosephWood and crh23 who have helped with my previous requests. Thanks! 16912 Rhiannon (Talk · COI) 19:42, 26 April 2016 (UTC)
 * Content looks good, as far as I can see it basically duplicates information that's already in the article. However, some more pedantic editors may reject based on the fact that it is currently unreferenced: could you add a few relevant references (named from the rest of the article if appropriate) inline? It doesn't need to be 100% perfect (per WP:CITELEAD), but some of the more major points could do with citing IMO. Cheers — crh 23   &thinsp;(Talk) 19:51, 26 April 2016 (UTC)
 * Hi Crh23, thanks for reviewing this! I've added in references to the introduction to support the key details (I just used the named cites from the article body, so the details will only show up once dropped into the article). Typically, I follow the guideline of not including references in the lede unless I'm including something either not mentioned and supported within the main article text or that makes an extraordinary claim. That said, since you've asked, I'm happy to include the cites here. Is this all set now? Let me know if there's anything else that needs another look before it can go live. Thanks again, 16912 Rhiannon (Talk &middot; COI) 14:29, 27 April 2016 (UTC)
 * ✅ OK, that all looks good. My reason for requesting cites is (on reflection) that this is a pretty major COI edit request, so some people might reflexively revert if they see it is uncited. —  crh 23   &thinsp;(Talk) 15:21, 27 April 2016 (UTC)
 * Thanks so much, Crh23! That makes perfect sense, just wanted to explain why I hadn't included cites in the first place :-) Really appreciate your help and thorough review. 16912 Rhiannon (Talk &middot; COI) 15:23, 27 April 2016 (UTC)

Addition of infobox
Hi all! I'm working on behalf of Mr. Wright as part of my work at Beutler Ink. To bring this article in line with Wikipedia's guidelines for biographies and similar articles for businesspeople, I'm preparing some updates to propose here. In particular, it would be great to ensure the article is reflective of his career and presented clearly.

To start off, I'd like to propose a simple and straightforward addition: an infobox with basic biographical information. Here's what I would suggest:

How was Wright able to avoid the draft, which was very intense pressure as the Vietnam War buildup via conscription unfolded when he was of prime draft age.

Due to my paid COI, I have not and will not be making edits to the article myself. I would very much appreciate it if anyone watching this page could review and add the infobox to the article. Happy to respond to any questions here. Many thanks! 16912 Rhiannon (Talk · COI) 04:57, 4 March 2016 (UTC)


 * Addition of an infobox is definitely needed. Thank you. Zeke Essiestudy (talk) 09:21, 4 March 2016 (UTC)
 * Thanks so much, Zeke Essiestudy! Appreciate you reviewing and adding this so quickly. I also realize that in my attempt to give clear markup to be added to the article, I inserted a couple of errors, one you caught and the other in need of a quick edit: NBC is listed twice in the "Known for" parameter. No worries if you're not able to get to this, I'll be returning with some more updates soon, and I can be sure to ask about it then. Thanks again, 16912 Rhiannon (Talk &middot; COI) 19:34, 4 March 2016 (UTC)
 * ✅ Thanks for the catch! — Omni Flames  ( talk   contribs ) 00:46, 5 March 2016 (UTC)