Talk:Boddingtons Brewery/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Cwmhiraeth (talk · contribs) 18:44, 25 April 2012 (UTC)


 * I have offered to review this article and I will be starting in the next couple of days. Other editors are welcome to join in. Cwmhiraeth (talk) 18:44, 25 April 2012 (UTC)

First read through

 * Lead - There is a double "most" in the opening paragraph.
 * 1778-1970 - "When Boddington joined the brewery in 1832" "He" would be better in this sentence.
 * "The family retained an association with the firm" Replace "association" with "interest" because the word "association" is used again in the next sentence.
 * "shareholding of the company" should be "in the company".
 * "In 1970 Philip retired, and Ewart Boddington assumed the head of the company." This sentence is not well constructed, you can't really assume a head. What relation was Ewart to any other Boddington?


 * 1970-1989 - "In the early 1970s the famous Boddingtons logo was introduced, depicting a barrel and two bees." The "was introduced" would be better at the end of the sentence.
 * "The bee is the symbol" - "has been" would be better.
 * "In 1974 the company was still restricted to a 70 mile radius of Manchester." What does this sentence mean - how was it restricted?
 * "By 1985 Strangeways ..." This sentence should have two commas rather than semicolons.
 * "with bitter consisting of over 90 per cent of production" - a better word would be "constituting".
 * "could make the Boddingtons brand a national one" Other references to the brand name seem to be in italics.


 * Whitbread era - The first sentence is too long and should be split into two.
 * "rejuvenated from industrial slump and irrevocably trendy." This sentence seems a bit awkward and "irrevocably trendy" should not be used and violates WP:NPOV.
 * "Banks's beer" should be "Banks' beer" Actually the company spells it as "Banks's". Farrtj (talk) 15:44, 2 May 2012 (UTC)


 * Decline under InBev - "In September 2004 InBev announced ..." Perhaps you should explain that InBev was the result of a merger.
 * "In May 2010 it was speculated by The Times that" should be replaced by "In May 2010, The Times speculated that"

That's all I have time for at the moment. I will continue later. Cwmhiraeth (talk) 12:55, 26 April 2012 (UTC)


 * Products - Boddingtons Draughtflow - "Salmesbury" should be "Samlesbury".
 * Boddingtons Cask - "Its volumes in 2010 were around 50,000 barrels, a sharp fall from as recently as 2001 when it sold 290,000 barrels annually." This is an awkward sentence. What about splitting it in two, with the second being "This was a sharp fall because, as recently as 2001, there had been annual sales of 290,000 barrels."


 * Advertising - "Boddingtons began to be advertised " - "was advertised" would be better.
 * The "playboy" wikilink in "transgender playboy cow " should lead to Playboy (lifestyle).
 * "The Independent called it out as bad advertising" What does this mean? Calling someone out is usually the preliminary to fighting a duel!
 * "To mark the occasion" should be followed by a comma.
 * "It was criticised for capitalising on its Manchester heritage ..." would be better phrased "It was criticised for capitalising on the Manchester heritage of the beer ..."

I have read the article through to the end now. In general, the prose is quite acceptable. I will look at the other GA criteria later. Cwmhiraeth (talk) 12:57, 27 April 2012 (UTC)