Talk:Boot Monument/GA1

GA Review
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Nominator: 02:29, 2 March 2024 (UTC)

Reviewer: Harper J. Cole (talk · contribs) 11:12, 15 April 2024 (UTC)

I'll take on this review. --Harper J. Cole (talk) 11:12, 15 April 2024 (UTC)


 * @Harper J. Cole Thank you so much! Let's see how this goes; I've reviewed articles but haven't actually been the nominator for a GA review. I'll be pretty active in the next couple of days. ‍ Rela  tivity ⚡️ 00:46, 16 April 2024 (UTC)

Comments
Some comments; let me know what you think.
 * The text flows better if you can avoid repeating words; I'd suggest instead
 * ✅ ‍ Rela  tivity ⚡️ 01:11, 16 April 2024 (UTC)


 * Similarly, the word "battle" occurs ten times in the Background section, including six times in the first two sentences. While the various "Battle of..." references can't be changed, you could vary things up outside of that, e.g., or just use a synonym for battle instead (fight, conflict, etc.)
 * ✅ Hopefully that works... ‍ Rela  tivity ⚡️ 01:11, 16 April 2024 (UTC)


 * A bit contradictory; the first part of the sentence firmly states that he did contribute, then the second part says that he might not have done. Could it be reworded for more consistency?
 * I removed "significantly" since Arnold did contribute to the first Battle of Saratoga, just it wasn't that substantial. Do you think that works or should I reword that still? ‍ Rela  tivity ⚡️ 01:11, 16 April 2024 (UTC)


 * A bit over-elaborate with the wording. I'd suggest simply
 * ✅ ‍ Rela  tivity ⚡️ 01:11, 16 April 2024 (UTC)


 * I'm not sure you need this line, as it's straying a bit from Arnold's contribution. If you keep it, rephrase as
 * True; any person who wants to find out about the outcome can just see the corresponding article. ✅ ‍ Rela  tivity ⚡️ 01:11, 16 April 2024 (UTC)


 * Slightly awkward wording; how about
 * I like it. ✅ ‍ Rela  tivity ⚡️ 01:11, 16 April 2024 (UTC)


 * You can wikilink Congress.
 * ✅ ‍ Rela  tivity ⚡️ 01:11, 16 April 2024 (UTC)


 * The period goes inside the quote marks in US English, which is applicable to this article.
 * ✅. I also realized I forgot to add a citation at the end of that and I've added it now. ‍ Rela  tivity ⚡️ 01:11, 16 April 2024 (UTC)


 * Normal would be
 * ✅ ‍ Rela  tivity ⚡️ 01:11, 16 April 2024 (UTC)


 * As above, the period should be inside the quotes.
 * ✅ ‍ Rela  tivity ⚡️ 01:11, 16 April 2024 (UTC)


 * Based on the source, we don't know how large a group of boys was involved.
 * ✅ Changed to ‍ Rela  tivity ⚡️  01:11, 16 April 2024 (UTC)


 * A bit random; no other mention is made of a tour during the body of the article.
 * ✅ Yeah, it isn't really discussed widely in sources. ‍ Rela  tivity ⚡️ 01:11, 16 April 2024 (UTC)


 * I'm a bit confused by this; surely he did become a Major General beforehand, and the error is in suggesting that he only did afterwards (so "prior to" should read "after")?
 * Aha, gotcha. Changed to "after" ✅ ‍ Rela  tivity ⚡️ 01:11, 16 April 2024 (UTC)


 * The word "there" looks superfluous, and "but" should only be used once.
 * Reworded to . Hopefully that works. Thoughts? ‍ Rela  tivity ⚡️ 01:11, 16 April 2024 (UTC)
 * Update: reworded to so it's not repeating the word "date" twice. ‍ Rela  tivity ⚡️  00:31, 17 April 2024 (UTC)


 * There's a couple of [page needed] tags to resolve on citation 3, plus one on citation 34.
 * I tried resolving those previously, but the books I cited them from didn't have page numbers. I'll let you know if I can figure it out. ‍ Rela  tivity ⚡️ 01:11, 16 April 2024 (UTC)
 * Okay, so, update: I placed Aryes' book on hold at my local library, so once I get that I can (hopefully) check the page numbers. I got Holmes and Smith-Holmes' book as an ebook, but it still doesn't show page numbers. I learned, however, that the info is in the seventh page of chapter 3. Other than that, I don't really have page numbers. Do you think it would be okay if I count pages and just say in the citation "page so-and-so, excluding introduction" or something like that? It's not that long of a book. ‍ Rela  tivity ⚡️ 01:33, 16 April 2024 (UTC)
 * Actually, I found the page numbers for Holmes' book. Never mind. ‍ Rela  tivity ⚡️ 01:36, 16 April 2024 (UTC)
 * ✅ Added page numbers ‍ Rela  tivity ⚡️ 00:27, 17 April 2024 (UTC)

Harper J. Cole (talk) 20:41, 15 April 2024 (UTC)


 * Thanks - just three outstanding points.
 * I'd suggest the wording
 * ✅ ‍ Rela  tivity ⚡️ 00:29, 17 April 2024 (UTC)
 * It now says "on effigy", but the expression is "in effigy". It's an odd phrase, but if you look at the source that's the wording they use too.
 * ✅ That is an odd phrase. ‍ Rela  tivity ⚡️ 00:29, 17 April 2024 (UTC)
 * That just leaves the one remaining [page needed] tag.
 * ✅ ‍ Rela  tivity ⚡️ 00:29, 17 April 2024 (UTC)
 * Harper J. Cole (talk) 23:21, 16 April 2024 (UTC)
 * All good by me now - promoted. Congratulations on your first GA. Harper J. Cole (talk) 00:43, 17 April 2024 (UTC)
 * @Harper J. Cole Thank you for taking the time to take on this review! I'm very excited about it. Cheers! ‍ Rela  tivity ⚡️ 00:44, 17 April 2024 (UTC)