Talk:Breaking Bad (Better Call Saul)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Sammi Brie (talk · contribs) 17:36, 7 August 2023 (UTC)

It's all copy tightening from here. Ping me when done. Sammi Brie (she/her • t • c) 22:49, 7 August 2023 (UTC)


 * @Sammi Brie Hey there! Thanks a lot for taking time out of your day to do this GAR. With that being said, I believe I have addressed most, if not all of your recommendations, and they should be implemented as of now. Again, thanks a lot for doing this. Dcdiehardfan (talk) 23:35, 7 August 2023 (UTC)

Lead

 * "Breaking Bad" depicts the life of Jimmy McGill, both during his time as lawyer "Saul Goodman" in Albuquerque, New Mexico; and after changing his identity to Gene Takavic and relocating to Omaha, Nebraska. The semicolon here is not needed. Consider "Breaking Bad" depicts the life of Jimmy McGill during his time as lawyer "Saul Goodman" in Albuquerque, New Mexico, and after changing his identity to Gene Takavic and relocating to Omaha, Nebraska. This is not CinS because it is a MOS:GEOCOMMA.
 * ✅ -Dcdiehardfan (talk)

Plot

 * Gene is taken aback, and later calls Kim's workplace in Florida. Remove this unneeded comma. (User:Sammi Brie/Commas in sentences, CinS)
 * ✅ -Dcdiehardfan (talk)

Production

 * Schnauz wanted to extend the phone call scene with Jimmy and Francesca, and chose to include Jimmy contacting Kim. Remove comma (CinS)
 * ✅ -Dcdiehardfan (talk)


 * He further described Gene as a "whole other creature entirely. He's not quite Saul, he's not Jimmy" as he did not process his trauma in a healthy manner and instead "keeps pushing down and pushing down and pushing down, and the more he pushes it down, the more it wants to rise up like a volcano, and he needs to do even worse stuff." He also noted the parallel between Saul accepting Walter and Jesse as clients, and Gene performing scams with Jeff and Buddy, as he is dealing with Wexler's separation.
 * I would like to see a citation for the quote. Also, MOS:LOGICAL: as a sentence fragment, period outside of quotes.
 * ✅ The quotes correspond to Ref 4, which is the following source: -Dcdiehardfan (talk)


 * Remove comma after "clients"
 * ✅ -Dcdiehardfan (talk)


 * While intersecting the storylines of Breaking Bad into Better Call Saul, the showrunners had coined the phrase "dancing through the raindrops" which had described the mix of Jimmy's present world with his future as Saul Goodman. Add a comma after "raindrops"
 * ✅ -Dcdiehardfan (talk)


 * He always had the intention of tying the two series together but had not found the right opportunity to do so, until he had the idea of connecting it to its mirror scene in the Breaking Bad episode "Better Call Saul" and having Saul reference Nacho Varga when he shouts "It wasn't me, it was Ignacio". Remove comma after "so"
 * ✅ -Dcdiehardfan (talk)


 * Gilligan had also reiterated similar claims, while also adding that the writers had desired to include the characters into the story in an organic manner rather than as fan service. Could tighten: Gilligan reiterated similar claims while also adding that the writers had desired to include the characters into the story in an organic manner rather than as fan service.
 * You use "had" a bit too much in this article; the Reception session is festooned with it. Consider dialing it back.
 * ✅ I did a CE and rewrote most components that contained a plethora of "had"s.


 * It was filmed in April 2021, during the production of "Carrot and Stick" to accommodate their schedules Complete the appositive by adding a comma after "Carrot and Stick"
 * ✅ -Dcdiehardfan (talk)


 * Set designer Ashley Marsh and her team worked from photos and stills from Breaking Bad to reacquire most of the equipment shown in the RV to detail, and even worked with the operator of an Albuquerque Breaking Bad tour to provide some of the RV curtains and fabrics Remove comma (CinS)
 * ✅ -Dcdiehardfan (talk)

Reception

 * See above. Many uses of "had" in connection with reviewers' thoughts can be excised. Also a lot of "had also" that is just excessive. Doing this will help your prose immensely.
 * ✅ Reception adjusted -Dcdiehardfan (talk)


 * I wonder if the long second (especially) and third paragraphs can be split up a bit.
 * ✅ Split along with Sepinwall's review -Dcdiehardfan (talk)


 * Meanwhile, Mike Hogan, writing for Vanity Fair, had speculated that either Kim wasn't available during the time or reject's Gene's attempts for reconciliation in some manner. A few errors (that "reject's" in particular). Try...
 * Mike Hogan, writing for Vanity Fair, speculated that either Kim wasn't available during the time or she rejected Gene's attempts for reconciliation in some manner.
 * ✅ Replaced with your suggestion -Dcdiehardfan (talk)


 * Greene had reiterated similar sentiments, but had also speculated that Kim could've been near Omaha, Nebraska. Perhaps Greene reiterated similar sentiments, positing that Kim could have been near Omaha.
 * ✅ -Dcdiehardfan (talk)


 * However, he had primarily been focusing on its connections to Breaking Bad, feeling that the interactions with Walter White, Jesse Pinkman, and Gene had satisfied his anticipation, especially praising the chemistry between Cranston and Paul. This sentence could use a reword with its odd comma clause structure. A few sentences are kinda long in this section.
 * ✅ -Dcdiehardfan (talk)


 * Gene Takovic This is a misspelling in the source meriting a sic.
 * ✅ -Dcdiehardfan (talk)

Sourcing and spot checks

 * 6: Schnauz on redemption: Redemption — boy, that's a tricky thing because you look back on the world of Breaking Bad and he's participated in and helped a lot of horrible things happen. So in comparison to the things that he's doing right now — they are a step beyond what Slippin' Jimmy and Jimmy & Kim ever did. He's drugging people. He's knocking them unconscious and stealing their wealth. ✅
 * 13: Our team recreated the RV set and put it on stage on airbags so it wouldn’t move. ✅
 * 19: Article, July 11, 2022: “Just yesterday, we finished the final sound mix on my episode, 611,” he says. ✅
 * 24: Among Mike's suggestions for the call are Kim simply if non-judgmentally declines to join him in Omaha, for basically the same reason she left him in the first place. and Kim isn’t there, and whoever answers doesn’t know where she went.
 * 25: We have to assume that Saul buried the money that he uses to pay Francesca for the reconnaissance phone call. He sounds relieved that it hasn’t been eaten by rats, suggesting it has been in situ for a while. And who else could have put it there? ... Instead, we’re waiting to find out if Gene’s secret identity will remain intact, and whether he’ll win back Kim. ✅

Images
One fair-use episode poster and two Gage Skidmore photos with appropriate license. All have alt text.