Talk:Breathe (Kylie Minogue song)/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Shaidar cuebiyar (talk · contribs) 11:25, 5 May 2015 (UTC)

Starting the review
I will be going through each of the criteria below, in order. I reserve the right to return to earlier comments or sections and revise or add to them until the review is finished. Unless otherwise indicated, maintain existing wikilinks and formatting. The review process should take about a week. I will allow an additional week for any requested changes to be made before making my decision.shaidar cuebiyar (talk) 11:25, 5 May 2015 (UTC)

General comments As the work of an Australian artist, dates should be in dmy format not mdy and spelling and grammar in Australian English not American or British English. First check the GA toolbox to the right, when there are no problems, then check for dmy dates (including in references) and Australian English throughout the article.shaidar cuebiyar (talk) 11:25, 5 May 2015 (UTC)

Criterion 1
A good article is&mdash;  :  ; and . 
 * Infobox
 * 1) Update template to most current version at: Template:Infobox single
 * 2) Check release date, use Start date template.
 * 3) At Recorded, supply some date information; delink London and England as common terms.
 * 4) At Length, use Duration template.
 * 5) At Label, was there an Australian version released on Mushroom Records (catalogue no. MUSH01739.2 see here) at the same time? If so, add, Mushroom. Likewise check out the BMG version (see here).shaidar cuebiyar (talk) 11:25, 5 May 2015 (UTC)


 * Lead
 * 1) Reword and final from her label Deconstruction Records e.g. and her final one for the label, Deconstruction Records
 * 2) Spelling: synthesizers, standout, spiraling
 * 3) Overuse of "many critics" and "standout" in adjacent sentences.
 * 4) Reword Minogue wrote and produced "Breathe" in collaboration with the producers Dave Ball and Ingo Vauk > "Breathe" was co-written and co-produced by Minogue with Dave Ball and Ingo Vauk
 * 5) Reword it peaked at a position of twenty-three > it peaked at number twenty-three
 * 6) Avoid redirects, e.g. change Australian Singles Chart to Australian Singles Chart
 * 7) Add, respectively. after UK Singles Chart
 * 8) Reword performed the song at the > performed the song on
 * 9) Change format: Top of the Pops not Top of the Pops. Keep wikilinkage.
 * 10) Reword to and on her Intimate and Live Tour.
 * 11) Reword Kieran Evans directed the song's music video, which was Evans first music video he had directed. Its too repetitive and awkward. Also wikilink Kieran Evans.

More to follow.shaidar cuebiyar (talk) 12:16, 5 May 2015 (UTC)

- Done. I will be sorting out the references later on this afternoon.
 * Don't forget to sign.shaidar cuebiyar (talk) 22:58, 5 May 2015 (UTC)

Next.shaidar cuebiyar (talk) 22:58, 5 May 2015 (UTC)
 * Infobox/Lead update
 * 1) Start date template requires added to provide dmy formatting.
 * 2) Change back Deconstruction, change Mushroom
 * 3) reviews form music > reviews from music

More to follow.shaidar cuebiyar (talk) 03:17, 6 May 2015 (UTC)
 * Background
 * 1) I like to see the article's title fairly early in each section: it provides focus for the casual reader. The first sentence here is too far in the background: it hardly seems relevant. I'd start with Kylie Minogue's track "Breathe" appeared on her sixth album, Impossible Princess (November 1997). She had signed a three-album deal with British dance label, Deconstruction Records in 1992.[2][3] Does ref [1] work for the new first sentence?
 * 2) Fix in fall 1994 Not Australian English. However don't use 'spring' instead: give month and year which avoids misunderstanding.
 * 3) Trim Commercially, the album peaked inside the top three in Australia and sold > That album peaked at number three in Australia and number four in the United Kingdom; it sold
 * 4) Check tense Minogue begun work on her sixth studio album Also qualify by a date value.
 * 5) Fix or trim in both songwriting and composing Differentiate between the terms, as far as I understand composing is an element of songwriting; the other main element is lyrics.
 * 6) Spelling rumored, favored
 * 7) For usage, I don't like "rumoured" either, perhaps "published", "speculated in" or "reported" would better convey the message. It depends on when these stories were being written: before or after any material from the album was available: also see comments below.
 * 8) she denied this,
 * 9) "she released the lead single" When? Give (September 1997) or similar. If her denial about "indie-guitar" occurred after the single's release then the order of the sentences has to be adjusted and the "rumoured" becomes "reported" when based on her single or promotional material made available to the tabloid writers.
 * 10) I don't understand: but was only chosen due to a bias decision by Deconstruction as she personally favored
 * 11) Differentiate The song received Which one? "Breathe", "Some Kind of Bliss" or "Limbo"?
 * 12) I don't understand: under-performed in international countries, Clarify "international countries". Are either of the positions for UK charts?
 * 13) although it only charted in Australia and UK, get rid of the "only", it may have charted in the lower reaches of other national charts but we have no references either way.
 * 14) Delete it managed to be successful If you give some indication of the song's charting, then this fragment is not necessary: let the facts speak for themselves.
 * 15) ARIA certifications are not for sales: exceeding sales off > exceeding shipment of
 * Yes check.svg - Done. I done both the Background and Infobox update. I had to remove a reference [1] as it did not relate to the opening sentence. Some tedious information was removed and/or change. GirlsAlouud (talk &middot;&#32;contribs} 04:14, 6 May 2015 (UTC)


 * Composition
 * 1) Re-write first sentence to avoid redundancy.
 * 2) Is the album interview a separate work or an article within another work? If the latter then formatting should be "An Interview with Kylie Minogue"
 * 3) Spelling synthesizer
 * 4) Re-write fragment starting with "while Livingstone Brown" to better describe instrumentation on this single.
 * 5) Delete and final, this is speculative: Minogue may have done other production work (which has not yet been revealed) or she may do further production work after this article is written.
 * 6) Delink London, England as common term.
 * 7) Is the recoding information for "Breathe" specifically or is this general information about the album?
 * 8) wL Todd Terry, also give his association e.g. producer.
 * 9) Quote box: the quote itself is not formatted correctly: check use of talking marks.

More to follow.shaidar cuebiyar (talk) 03:17, 6 May 2015 (UTC)
 * Yes check.svg - Done. Had re-written and/or removed parts of this section. Regarding the question Is the album interview a separate work or an article within another work? If the latter then formatting should be "An Interview with Kylie Minogue", it was an audio interview released on a CD. It has been changed in the article. GirlsAlouud (talk &middot;&#32;contribs} 04:14, 6 May 2015 (UTC)

More to follow.shaidar cuebiyar (talk) 05:32, 6 May 2015 (UTC)
 * 1) What is "Say Hey"? What characteristic(s) was it "noted for" in its comparison with "Breathe"?
 * 2) Sentence starting with Larry Flick: use talking marks for any commentary which is a direct quote.
 * 3) How is withholding "emotional expression" different from "emotion"?
 * 4) Give Sednaoui's full name and wL him when first mentioned, include his relationship.
 * 5) In sentence starting with "In Tokyo during her" check overuse of "comment"
 * 6) Fix the quote in final part of last sentence of this section.
 * Yes check.svg - Done.

More to follow.shaidar cuebiyar (talk) 07:55, 6 May 2015 (UTC)
 * Release
 * 1) A single ¶. Seems to be insufficient content for a separate section.
 * 2) Check overuse of "release" in this section.
 * 3) Check release date: cf. Hung Medien source, here. Note: this source does not give precise date for CD-Maxi single on Deconstruction/BMG (catalogue no. 74321 56997 2). Should this five-track version be mentioned in the article?
 * 4) Reword phrase as the third single on 16 March 1998, > on 16 March 1998 as the third single
 * 5) Add from Impossible Princess. to end this sentence.
 * 6) Start a new sentence to replace last phrase: It was her final single for the labels, Deconstruction and BMG. Check whether ref applies to new 1st sentence or 2nd or both.
 * 7) Delink CD singles (note loss of possessive apostrophe) as common term in music articles.
 * 8) Spelling photoshoot Note: this is probably the last spelling mistake I will specify in this review. The rest you'll have to pick up and correct on your own.
 * 9) Clarify The song was released in the UK and Australia
 * 10) The cover features a close-up or The covers feature close-up How does CD1 image cf. the one in the infobox? Is there any other cover artwork in different markets?
 * 11) and a vinyl in Spain > and in vinyl format in Spain
 * Yes check.svg - Done both Release and minor Critical reception review. Regarding your statement A single ¶. Seems to be insufficient content for a separate section, there was a lot more information in the article previously but had to be removed because it was not clarified properly, nor did it have any relation with the single release. Regarding release date, the date 16 March 1998 was provided by Minogue's official website (here).

More to follow.shaidar cuebiyar (talk) 02:46, 7 May 2015 (UTC)
 * Critical reception
 * 1) Note: here we have "from most music critics" however the Lead does not have the qualifier "most".
 * 2) Fix syntax along with "Did It Again" "are most You might need to insert a word or two before "are most.
 * 3) album's best shaidar cuebiyar (talk) 08:14, 6 May 2015 (UTC)
 * 4) When quoting speech containing song titles use: to match 'Confide in Me', but 'Breathe' could Note: change in case for the preposition.
 * 5) Note that Gill's review is not positive: more on this at criterion 4, if not fixed by then.
 * 6) Give MacKenzie Wilson's affiliation, wL it first time, deLink subsequently.
 * 7) Allmusic or AllMusic? Be consistent.
 * 8) At Chris True sentence avoid "album" overuse.
 * 9) Re-format their 'Kylie Minogue Primer: > their "Kylie Minogue Primer: Likewise at end of title.
 * 10) Forgot quote marks? experimental side."
 * 11) Use hard space: number 14 (Check wikicode)
 * 12) Fix The Backlot
 * 13) Give author of that article.
 * 14) Format title of same article.
 * 15) Fix quote marks on song title: and said "“Breathe” would
 * 16) Fix italics on Impossible Princess in same quote.
 * 17) Fix quote marks on reported speech in this quote.

More to follow.shaidar cuebiyar (talk) 02:46, 7 May 2015 (UTC)
 * Commercial response
 * 1) Although I haven't said it before: below each section heading there should be a return/enter line of clear space before the text begins. Fix previous section headings too.
 * 2) use hard space: number fourteen, four weeks, number twenty-three, thirteen weeks, number one, number three and similar.
 * 3) For UK Singles Chart you're referring to weeks in the top 75? This is not clear.
 * 4) Delete 2nd appearance of when it debuted at number fourteen and ; the latter track also peaked at fourteen in same ¶. They're redundant.
 * 5) Clarify The song lasted thirteen weeks presumably you mean remained in the top 50? (Otherwise that's a very long track length!) ARIA Singles Chart is published as a Top 100 list but Australian Charts Portal only gives Top 50 placements and weeks therein. Also, the list there only goes back to 1988, her earlier hits (which may have stayed longer in the top 50) are not shown.
 * 6) Pipe obscure charts (with no separate wiki article) to article on music of country of origin, e.g. Israeli Singles Chart

More to follow.shaidar cuebiyar (talk) 02:55, 7 May 2015 (UTC)
 * Music video
 * 1) debut and he went on insert preposition.
 * 2) being an in-set
 * 3) Check tense: and ran at and was features on
 * 4) Check overuse of "video" and "release" in this section.

More to follow.shaidar cuebiyar (talk) 03:18, 7 May 2015 (UTC)
 * Live performance
 * 1) Reword lead sentence: name the single first time in section.
 * 2) Check overuse of "Minogue".
 * 3) Italicise TV show title.
 * 4) When in 1998? Give month.
 * 5) Reword pink shirt, long skirt and singing > pink shirt and long skirt; she sang
 * 6) Fix guest start and aninterview and secondsegment These are fairly obvious copy edit errors that should have been picked up & fixed much earlier.
 * 7) Check pipe and formatting for The National Lottery show, probably better as The National Lottery Live
 * 8) Australian morning series By 1984, Hey Hey It's Saturday, was an evening TV variety series.
 * 9) deLink Sydney
 * 10) featured on the related insert "related" to lead to CD & DVD of the tour.
 * 11) an opening introduction is "opening" redundant here?

More to follow.shaidar cuebiyar (talk) 03:23, 7 May 2015 (UTC)
 * Personnel
 * 1) Delete "and" from lists, replace with ", "


 * Charts, peaks and positions
 * 1) No need for the above heading; change subHeading "Charts" to section Heading
 * 2) From information within the article (see Commercial response) additional charting information should be included here.shaidar cuebiyar (talk) 03:55, 7 May 2015 (UTC)


 * Yes check.svg - Done most.
 * Question(s): I am not familiar with the hard space function. Could you please help, demonstrate, or take me somewhere to get help regarding this (Note: I have tried websites online, nothing I could fine.) Also regarding the 1998 year in the "Live performances", I cannot find a month and/or date for the performances despite look everywhere for it! GirlsAlouud (talk &middot;&#32;contribs} 05:09, 7 May 2015 (UTC)


 * Sorry, about that. A 'hard space' is also called a 'non-breaking space'. Its a wiki markup (see here). I generally use the tab found below the edit window and look for  If you go to the wikicode in the examples above you'd see it. It does not appear in the final product which people read. It makes sure that "number" and "14" both end up on the same side of roll over during line breaking, making for easier reading.
 * I found April 1998 for her appearance on the same show as Ronnie Corbett (see here). I can't confirm that she sang the song or that she didn't appear on the same show again another time that year.shaidar cuebiyar (talk) 01:13, 8 May 2015 (UTC)
 * Ref[37], YouTube clip shows its the same episode as mentioned at this site: it has Roy & HG as fellow guests. It also confirms she sang the song on this show.shaidar cuebiyar (talk) 05:49, 8 May 2015 (UTC)

Criterion 2
:  ; ; and <li>.</li> </ol> I will be checking all the references and each comment below is under their number as they existed at this time. The order may change from this numbering as refs get moved, added or deleted. Preliminary comment: all refs including newspapers should have a publisher. Newspapers and other works are generally italicised but publishers are not. Use dmy dates for date, archive date and retrieved date. Every effort should be made to identify author(s).shaidar cuebiyar (talk) 05:46, 7 May 2015 (UTC)
 * References
 * Change to  or use 25em. This is a browser friendly version of multiple columns: depending on your browser you may see no real difference.shaidar cuebiyar (talk) 05:46, 7 May 2015 (UTC)
 * I've just noticed that many refs have a hyphen in the title instead of a dash e.g. Kylie Minogue - 'Some Kind of Bliss' > Kylie Minogue – 'Some Kind of Bliss' Change them over.


 * 1) Site requires membership/log in details. Information could not be checked. How is this site reliable?
 * 2) Now deleted.shaidar cuebiyar (talk) 21:48, 8 May 2015 (UTC)
 * 3) add, change Source tells us that Minogue was a signed artist at time of "Confide in Me", but does not verify "three album deal" nor "in 1992". Another source is needed for these.
 * 4) publisher not fixed.shaidar cuebiyar (talk)
 * 5) Album liner notes not reliable for these facts. More independent source required.
 * 6) Adjust Hung Median refs to give more details. Use main discography source for general charting. Only use song/album specific source when required for details on number of weeks in top 50 (or whatever). In this instance a general source is adequate, e.g.
 * 7) Not used as much as it should be.shaidar cuebiyar (talk)
 * 8) Adjust to
 * 9) I expected the url to take me to a page view, rather to Smith's webpage advertising the book.
 * 10) Page numbers per main ref plate is not needed if rp template is used. Notes on usage: at first placement, a, it should appear as music critics.[6]:(138–9)[7]; at second placement, b, page number or range is missing; third placement c seems good.shaidar cuebiyar (talk)
 * 11) Good ref.
 * 12) Reformat per ref [4]. NZ charting not mentioned in text, why do we have this ref here?
 * 13) If you insist on using single specific url, then title should have song title in its own 'talking marks'.shaidar cuebiyar (talk)
 * 14) Use ref [4] here. Note: UK charting is not verified by either source [8] or [9].
 * 15) Use tab (same as ref[4]), in front of NZ Charts tab (due to ordering of tabs).
 * 16) UK charting ref now added: good. It should give full name and wL to Official Charts Company here.shaidar cuebiyar (talk) 21:48, 8 May 2015 (UTC)
 * 17) Again a url goes to a description of the source not the actual work. Fix title (put OCLC number elsewhere), give page number(s) of article. Direct quote not verified.
 * 18) Comments: "was positively received from most music critics" and "peaked inside the top twenty in Australia and the UK," require verification. Source [11] verifies gold for "Did It Again".
 * 19) Can't check source: its blocked. I'll try again later. Details at cite AV media notes: the parameter type relates to "liner notes" or "booklet" or similar. It's not to give further information which should be in the title.
 * 20) Good ref.
 * 21) Is this the first AllMusic ref? If so, wL. Format accessdate per dmy.
 * 22) Adjust title to italicise album name. Your quote at [15]b is not adequately displayed try "Truth be told, this album lacks an absolute classic to match 'Confide in Me', but 'Breathe' – subtle but sneakily catchy with it – could be one of [Minogue]'s most underrated singles."
 * 23) Can't check, I get a Google error.
 * 24) Same source as [6]? Just different page? Combine the two and append a reference page template. Also use wherever you need another ref to Smith's work.
 * 25) Discogs is not a reliable source: it is user edited. Facts not verified.

More to follow.shaidar cuebiyar (talk) 05:46, 7 May 2015 (UTC)
 * Yes check.svg - Done. GirlsAlouud (talk &middot;&#32;contribs} 19:04, 7 May 2015 (UTC)


 * 1) + 20, 21, 22: Discogs is not a reliable source: it is user edited. Facts not verified.
 * 2) Italics for album title in title. Adjust  add publisher. Fix date and accessdate. Note date is not 24 May 2008 nor 20 March 2015. Cited quote is verified.
 * 3) Give author names, fix date of review. Content verified.
 * 4) Italics for album title in title. DeLink AllMusic and Rovi Corporation if previously linked (should be Linked at ref[14]). Content verified.
 * 5) see previous. Verified
 * 6) Adjust title case per wp formatting. Add publisher. Verified.
 * 7) Author names. Add publisher (add editor-in-chiefs name if not otherwise known). Verified.
 * 8) Not reliable: only use Official Charts Company, currently at ref[52]. May need a separate ref for Spice Girls charting.shaidar cuebiyar (talk) 02:12, 8 May 2015 (UTC)
 * 9) Add full name of publisher and wL it.
 * 10) Use general Hung Medien. see ref[4]
 * 11) Italics. How is this site reliable?
 * 12) Check title. Change
 * 13) wL YouTube at first appearance in refs.
 * 14) Title is an album: italics. wL BMG if first appearance in refs. See earlier comment about type at ref[12].
 * 15) Title: italics. wL Mushroom Records if first.
 * 16) Add 'talking marks' to song title. Italics for show name. Add BBC One as publisher. Note: seeing this supports my research in previous section re: April for month of broadcast (Roy & HG were in that episode).shaidar cuebiyar (talk)
 * 17) Fix title (italics, talking marks). Add publisher (of Hey Hey Its Saturday).
 * 18) See previous comment. Add publisher (of Top of the Pops).
 * 19) See previous comments.
 * 20) See previous comments.
 * 21) Talking marks.
 * 22) Full date for CD album release. Add catalogue number.
 * 23) Avoid redirect: I don't know why this one goes to On the Go: Live in Japan which is a 1990 vhs/laserdisc. Full date for DVD release & add catalogue number. Note that a vhs version of Intimate and Live was issued in 1998 (see here), while a DVD version appeared in 2001 (see here).
 * 24) Add Change.
 * 25) Good ref.
 * 26) Italics. Full date. Catalogue number.
 * 27) Talking marks. Fix accessdate. Is this her Official fb page? url goes to current date with no indication of Aphrodite Tour information. A better ref is needed for content.
 * 28) Add YouTube and add publisher.
 * 29) Add publisher.
 * 30) Use general Hung Medien ref[4].
 * 31) Same as ref[30]?shaidar cuebiyar (talk) 10:01, 8 May 2015 (UTC)
 * Yes check.svg - Done.
 * Statement. I apologize in advance. I must have removed some references while in the process of correcting the article from the corrections you have picked up. Some reference numbers you listed above do not match the ones in the article. This is probably because I had removed them prior to correcting the article. GirlsAlouud (talk &middot;&#32;contribs} 08:35, 9 May 2015 (UTC)
 * If you read the start of this subSection, you'll see that I'd anticipated this possibility up there I put a url (under the guide 'this time') to the article's form when I started checking the refs so you can still find which ones I'm referring to.shaidar cuebiyar (talk) 01:24, 10 May 2015 (UTC)

The other facet of this Criterion is original research. If all of the refs are fixed per above then the major remaining problem would be usage of Discogs: the claims are not verified due to its user-generated status. For some of those usages, MusicBrainz would be better. You'll have to find other reliable sources for the rest.shaidar cuebiyar (talk) 01:24, 10 May 2015 (UTC)

Criterion 3
<li>:</li> <ol STYLE="list-style-type: lower-alpha"> <li>; and</li> <li>.</li> </ol>


 * 1) Release and Commercial response sections are too small. They could be combined as, say, Release and commercial response. Placed before Critical reception.
 * 2) Are there any cover versions of "Breathe"? APRA gives Vic Moore as performing the Minogue-Ball-Vauk written track see here Note: you may have to perform your own search at 'Search again' enter details e.g. at 'Performer: ' enter Vic Moore. If this is the same as AllMusic's entry here or here, then it was used as an exercise routine. I'm not sure if this Vic Moore is same as martial artist of that name on wp.
 * 3) Further indications of time line of events (month year, where possible) would help readers gain a better context of the commentary, some examples:
 * 4) British tabloids reported in September and October that year or similar, in regards to "indie artist" stories.
 * 5) When was "Did It Again" released?
 * 6) "Written in Tokyo during her trips with", when?
 * 7) Similar work is needed in Music video and in Live performances.
 * 8) Some reorganisation of sections may be necessary to improve chronological order. e.g. Composition starts with her recording it, producing it, remixing it, analysis of its structure and then ends with her writing it!
 * 9) At Personnel, which release version is the EP? From my understanding an EP consists of three or more different songs, not the same song done two to five times, which constitutes a single or even a maxi-single.
 * 10) At Charts, other charting information should be included, if known. If you can verify "It reached number one on the Israeli Singles Chart and number three on the Russian Airplay Singles Chart" then add to this table.
 * 11) name from the liner credits > name from the liner production credits I'm assuming she kept her song writing credits there.shaidar cuebiyar (talk) 01:24, 10 May 2015 (UTC)
 * Yes check.svg - Done.
 * Statement: Regarding the cover versions, I decided not to put the Vic Moore cover version. There is not enough sonic evidence to include it in the article, let alone make a new cover versions sub-article when there is supposedly only one cover. I searched online but nothing came up. Regarding the Russian Singles Chart and Israelien Singles Chart, the source was form Minogue's website, not an official charting site.

Criterion 4
<li>.</li>
 * 1) Lead and elsewhere has "received positive reviews from music critics," but Jamie Gill's criticism is negative: "flimsy house". Are there any other negative reviews? In any case, Lead should be changed to reflect extant demurring opinions by some critics.
 * 2) Alternate cover art should be described, if sufficiently different a 2nd infobox photo could be supplied.shaidar cuebiyar (talk) 04:15, 10 May 2015 (UTC)

Criterion 5
<li>.</li>
 * 1) Acceptable at this criterion.shaidar cuebiyar (talk) 04:15, 10 May 2015 (UTC)

Criterion 6
<li>:</li> <ol STYLE="list-style-type: lower-alpha"> <li>; and</li> <li>.</li> </ol>
 * 1) Acceptable at this criterion.shaidar cuebiyar (talk) 04:15, 10 May 2015 (UTC)

Finishing the review
A final decision is pending completion of the above suggestions per criteria. I will allow one week from this date stamp for all of these to be finished.shaidar cuebiyar (talk) 04:15, 10 May 2015 (UTC)


 * Yes check.svg - I've done as much as possible from the feedback you have given me (along with the most recent feedback). I have done as much as possible, looking back through the feedback, re-doing the ones that I may missed, etc. All disambiguation links and reference links have been sorted properly and the broken links/redirect links/etc. have been corrected. I appreciate the time you have taken out to review this amazing song by Kylie Minogue. But the final result is in your hands. Much respect whether it passes or fails. Thank you again :) GirlsAlouud (talk &middot;&#32;contribs} 04:48, 11 May 2015 (UTC)
 * More could have been done by better attention to fiddly bits. In and of themselves each one might have been minor but there were so many of them. I've fixed as many as I could find. If you have other articles waiting for GA review I would strongly advise that you fix them up completely before they get reviewed. This article however, is now a pass.shaidar cuebiyar (talk) 03:40, 14 May 2015 (UTC)

</ol>