Talk:Brian Hill (swimmer)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: NickGibson3900 (talk · contribs) 05:59, 10 October 2014 (UTC)

Will do soon. -  NickGibson3900 Talk 05:59, 10 October 2014 (UTC) See below -  NickGibson3900 Talk 04:11, 18 October 2014 (UTC)

Review

 * GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)


 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose, no copyvios, spelling and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): b (focused):
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * No images
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * No images
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:

Lead
to Canada; link 2007 Parapan American Games to 2007 Pan American Games
 * Brian David Hill (born 29 December 1982) is a S13 Canadian para-swimmer who has competed in the 2000, 2004, 2008, 2012 Summer Paralympics and the 2007 Parapan American Games - Link 2004, 2008 & 2012 to the Paralympic pages (e.g 2012 Summer Paralympics); link Canadian
 * He started swimming as a child and competitive swimming at the age of nine. He has won the Blind Sports Award and also the Athlete of the Year Award - link Athlete of the Year
 * Lead needs to mention medals. Per WP:LEAD, a subjects claim to notability should be mentioned in the lead
 * See point two in #Career
 * See point three in #Career
 * See point two in #Career
 * See point three in #Career
 * See point three in #Career
 * See point three in #Career

Personal life

 * Hill was born on 29 December 1982 in Duncan, British Columbia with a genetic retinal disorder which results in only ten percent vision. -
 * FN 2 already cited that.
 * He now resides at Montreal, Quebec after the 2004 Summer Paralympics. - unlink 2004 Summer Paralympics as it will be linked in lead; sentence should be rephrased, maybe: Since the 2004 Summer Paralympics, he has resided in Montreal, Quebec.
 * During his childhood, Hill's parents dug a 17 metre pool for him to swim in. -
 * Same thing as above
 * It was where he started competitive swimming at the age of nine.-
 * It was where he started competitive swimming at the age of nine.-

Career

 * At the age of 17, Hill participated in six events at the 2000 Sydney Summer Paralympics. - unlink 2000 Sydney Summer Paralympics; rephrase to 2000 Summer Paralympics in Sydney, Australia
 * Hill won five medals at the 2007 Parapan American Games including three golds and two silvers. - unlink 2007 Parapan American Games, link that in the lead
 * He won gold in 100 metre butterfly where he got a time of 1:00.52. He had tied the world record score with Canadian Para-swimmer Walter Wu. - in the lead you say para- not Para-, be consistent
 * Technically it was very good;" - why a ; not a.
 * What do you mean?
 * Before going to Beijing for Hill's third Paralympic Games, his preparation involved swimming about 120 kilometres in two weeks. - swap Hill and his to make sentence flow
 * Hill said, "I completed about eight to nine workouts a week and spent around 18 to 20 hours per week in the pool" - needs punctuation after pool
 * At the 2008 Summer Paralympics - unlink 2008 Summer Paralympics
 * At the 2012 Summer Paralympics - unlink 2012 Summer Paralympics; three paragraphs in a row starting with "At the ...", change it up
 * Hill said, "I completed about eight to nine workouts a week and spent around 18 to 20 hours per week in the pool" - needs punctuation after pool
 * At the 2008 Summer Paralympics - unlink 2008 Summer Paralympics
 * At the 2012 Summer Paralympics - unlink 2012 Summer Paralympics; three paragraphs in a row starting with "At the ...", change it up
 * At the 2008 Summer Paralympics - unlink 2008 Summer Paralympics
 * At the 2012 Summer Paralympics - unlink 2012 Summer Paralympics; three paragraphs in a row starting with "At the ...", change it up
 * At the 2012 Summer Paralympics - unlink 2012 Summer Paralympics; three paragraphs in a row starting with "At the ...", change it up

Round two

 * "Technically it was very good;" - why a ; not a ." - What I meant was after good you have a colon and it should be a full stop (.) as it the end of the sentence
 * Per MOS:NUMBERS 1-9th should be first, eighth, seventh etc.
 * "At the 2006 Commonwealth Games in Melbourne" - Link Melbourne
 * In the lead 2 and 3 should be spelt out (two, three)
 * "He had won five gold, 2 silver and 3 bronze in his international career" - five gold medals, two silver medals and three bronze medals"
 * In refs you over link IPC. IPC should only be linked for the first IPC ref,
 * All done!  ΤheQ Editor   Talk? 21:25, 31 October 2014 (UTC)

Sorry
I'm sorry but I don't have time to continue this review. A new reviewer will work on this as I have asked here. Once again sorry and I hope to see this pass. -  NG39  (Used to be NickGibson3900) Talk 05:05, 14 November 2014 (UTC)
 * I took a quick read through it since Nick isn't available now and didn't see any issues, so I'll go ahead and pass it. Wizardman  04:50, 23 November 2014 (UTC)