Talk:Broken Sword: The Angel of Death/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Juhachi (talk · contribs) 22:28, 14 May 2012 (UTC)

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria


 * 1) Is it reasonably well written?
 * A. Prose quality:
 * The article needs a general copyedit, though most of this applies to the plot section
 * B. MoS compliance for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and lists:
 * 1) Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
 * A. References to sources:
 * Some things still need references
 * B. Citation of reliable sources where necessary:
 * C. No original research:
 * 1) Is it broad in its coverage?
 * A. Major aspects:
 * B. Focused:
 * Plot is overly detailed
 * 1) Is it neutral?
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) Is it stable?
 * No edit wars, etc:
 * 1) Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
 * A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:
 * B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
 * A screenshot of the gameplay would be beneficial
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass or Fail:
 * 1) Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
 * A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:
 * B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
 * A screenshot of the gameplay would be beneficial
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass or Fail:
 * Pass or Fail:

Comments

 * Lead
 * "Being released only on PC" should be clarified in that you mean a Windows PC.
 * "it is the only game in the series"; and what series is that?
 * "as he and Anna Maria"; who is that in relation to the plot?
 * "that the manuscript"; what manuscript? Using 'the' implies it's been defined previously; otherwise, just use 'a manuscript'
 * "According to Charles Cecil" --> "According to the game director Charles Cecil"
 * "is the first game to be amBX enabled." The first game in history, or the first game in this series?
 * "Critics praised the game's story, writing, music and voice acting. Negative criticism focused primarily on the control interface and rushed ending. Some reviewers praised and some criticized the game's graphics." None of this is supported in the given reception section. Please rewrite to reflect the content of the article.
 * "According to Charles Cecil, the game sold a few hundred thousand copies." Cecil's already been named, so drop Charles here. And there is no source to support this in the article itself, so either source it here, or lose it.


 * Plot
 * "she recognizes one of the goons that are after her"; goons is very colloquial and should be substituted.
 * "to officer O'Halloran, a policeman," this is repetitive, as officer implies he's a policeman
 * "so George and Nico"; who's Nico?
 * "the waiter aka priest," is confusing. If he a waiter or a priest?
 * "Nico has now find a way to move the safe, for the idea is to open the safe in the centrifuge." is confusing and needs rewriting
 * "but a tragic ending follows," is a little POV, so I think it should be removed
 * As with In Cold Blood (video game) which I also reviewed, this article has an overly detailed plot summary, at a whopping 1,564 words. The entire section needs to be reduced, as it is confusing to keep track of everything that's going on, and the flow of the prose is also in need of improvement from a good copyedit. Here's an example of the first paragraph trimmed down:
 * After the events in The Sleeping Dragon, George Stobbart is running a bail bonds office in New York with his partner Virgin. George meets Anna Maria, a girl with an old manuscript who wants his help to decode it. A group of mobsters after the manuscript ransack Anna Maria's hotel room, as well as George's bail bonds office, and steal the manuscript. George discovers that the mobsters are led by Fingers Martino, who runs an old meat packing factory. George sneaks into the factory and overhears a conversation between Fingers and Mr. Spallacci, who has obtained the manuscript. George manages to covertly take back the manuscript, which he examines with Anna Maria. George figures out that the fortified city on it must be Istanbul.
 * Notice how a lot of the minor details have been removed as they are not important to the plot as a whole. Mentioning very minor, background characters like Thelwell Minster, officer O'Halloran, or Chico Garell is unnecessary as they never come up again in the plot summary. Also, play-by-play sentences like In a salami store, he meets Chico Garell. George gets his salami and manages to get an apron as well, and with it he is able to enter the factory. After exploring, he hears some music coming from an air vent, and he has to find a way to get to it. are largely pointless and can be largely removed to get to the point: he enters the factory and overhears a conversation.
 * Is the plot better now? - I shortened it quite a bit. --Khanassassin ☪ 08:38, 20 May 2012 (UTC)
 * I trimmed it some more, but have a look at it, as I'm not an expert on the story and might have made some mistakes on the details. The word count is at 770 now, just under half its previous length, so that's fine. --  十  八  09:44, 20 May 2012 (UTC)
 * Yeah, I saw, it's fine now. :) Are the isues resolved now? :) --Khanassassin ☪ 09:45, 20 May 2012 (UTC)


 * Development
 * "on August 17"; of what year?
 * "For the first time in the series' history, Revolution was not the only developer." I believe needs a cite. If one can't be found, rewrite it and the next sentence to say, "The Angel of Death was co-developed by Revolution and Sumo Digital, as opposed to the other games in the Broken Sword series, which had Revolution as the sole game developer." which would also require a cite, but would be a lot easier to source.
 * "As a result, Revolution closed the production side in order to concentrate on design, and Sumo to concentrate on production." is confusing; please rewrite
 * "It is the first game to be amBX enabled"; Same problem as mentioned in the lead, so clarify.
 * This section should have at least a line about it's actual release in terms of date and region.

--  十  八  22:28, 14 May 2012 (UTC)
 * External links
 * Does Sugarstar Records really need to be here?
 * Move the interview into a Further reading section above this External links, such as at Supercell (band), or incorporate it into the article.

More comments

 * Lead
 * "in the United States" should be 'in North America', as the infobox indicates.
 * 3D should be linked to 3D computer graphics
 * The two mentions of PC should be changed to Windows
 * "As a series' first, Revolution was not the only developer. Instead, it was co-developed by Revolution and Sumo Digital" --> "As a series' first, it was co-developed by Revolution and Sumo Digital instead of having Revolution as the sole developer."
 * "gaming genre; While" I believe you intended there to be a period here instead of a semicolon.
 * "The game has received mixed to positive reviews. It was considered a fine example in the adventure gaming genre; " --> "The game has received mixed to positive reviews with critics praising it as a fine example in the adventure gaming genre. While most critics agreed the game addressed many flaws in The Sleeping Dragon, it has also received some criticism for..."
 * There should be something beyond 'received some criticism' to describe what was being criticized, as the sentence as it stands is kind of vague.


 * Gameplay
 * "while Nicole Collard" --> and Nicole Collard
 * "in the game world in order to" --> in the game world to
 * Is there really not one gameplay image out there you could include?


 * Development
 * Again, change PC to Windows
 * "the sole game developer;" This should be a period, not a semicolon
 * "Cecil believed that because of the requirement for ever larger team sizes, it was no longer possible to maintain a large development team to write single original titles" --> "Cecil believed that because of the requirement for ever larger development team sizes, it was no longer possible to maintain a large team to write single, original titles"
 * "was criticized for featuring a high number of action elements. Cecil stated that he aimed to put the player under pressure" --> "was criticized for featuring a high number of action elements, which aimed to put the player under pressure."
 * "While he still stood behind this principle," --> "While Cecil still stood behind this principle,"
 * "Broken Sword: The Angel of Death Original Soundtrack was released" there should be a comma between 'Soundtrack' and 'was'


 * Reception
 * "score of 73, based" lose the comma


 * Images
 * The caption for the gameplay image should describe what those icons are at the bottom and how they relate to the gameplay. You don't have to be specific about these particular icons, but describe why they're there and what their purpose is, such as "The bottom of the screen displays icons which..."
 * I added a description, but not sure if it's written the best. I hope you can change that. :) --Khanassassin ☪ 12:28, 21 May 2012 (UTC)
 * Looks good now. Great work on getting it to GA.--  十  八  22:14, 21 May 2012 (UTC)