Talk:Bronwyn Bancroft/GA2

GA Review
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Reviewer: Malleus Fatuorum 18:40, 13 November 2009 (UTC)


 * Lead
 * The opening paragraph reads rather awkwardly to me, but without knowing anything about Bancroft I'm not sure how best to rephrase it: "Bronwyn Bancroft ... is an Indigenous Australian artist and illustrator, and the first Australian fashion designer invited to show her work in Paris ... Bancroft has worked as a fashion designer, artist, illustrator and arts administrator." So she is an artist and illustrator, but has been a fashion designer? But then it says "has worked" in the final sentence, implying that she no longer works in any of those areas.
 * I've fiddled with this. See what you think.hamiltonstone (talk) 02:39, 17 November 2009 (UTC)


 * "Bancroft's first works were in fabric design." Not sure what that trying to say. "Bancroft began her artistic career as a fabric designer"?
 * Actually, i'm scrubbing the line altogether. I've read a source that suggests she may have done photography first.


 * "As a children's book illustrator, Bancroft has provided art work for over twenty books ...". Wouldn't something like "Bancroft has provided art work for over 20 children's books ..." be a little less round the houses?
 * Yes it would. Done. hamiltonstone (talk) 02:39, 17 November 2009 (UTC)


 * "She has also received design commissions, including for the exterior of a sports centre in Sydney." Again, I'm not entirely certain I understand that. What does "received design commissions" mean? That she's been commissioned, for instance, to design the exterior of a Sydney Sports centre? What part of the exterior? The colour scheme? Murals?


 * "Beginning with commissioned art works, Bancroft has a long history of involvement in community activism ...". I don't see the link here. In what way are commissioned art works and community activism related?
 * Indeed. Changed. hamiltonstone (talk) 02:39, 17 November 2009 (UTC)


 * "Bronwyn" is a Welsh name that I was surprised to see given to an Indigenous Australian, and "Bancroft" seems like a rather curious skinname. Is "Bancroft" her mother's name? If it is, might be worth adding that. Are the full names of her mother and father not known?
 * Afraid nothing more is known from the sources I have found. Indigenous Australians do commonly have 'conventional' European nomenclature for their names, eg Gary Foley, Faith Bandler, Marcia Langton, Steve Dodd - although in the Central and Western Deserts and the Top End traditional names are more common, eg. Makinti Napanangka, Emily Kngwarreye.


 * Life and training
 * "... her Indigenous Australian father, Bill, was of the Djanbun clan, and her mother is of Scottish and Polish ancestry". It grates a little to see "her father was" alongside "her mother is".
 * I understand. The dual tenses occur in the original source, and I presume refer to him being deceased, and her not. Any suggestion (given that the sources don't actually explicitly say that)? hamiltonstone (talk) 03:34, 17 November 2009 (UTC)


 * "... Bancroft undertook a Master of Studio Practice and a Master of Visual Arts (Paintings) at the University of Sydney". "Undertook" is a bit vague. Did she complete the courses?
 * Yes, and have edited to reflect that. hamiltonstone (talk) 03:37, 17 November 2009 (UTC)

I believe this article now meets the GA criteria and I've listed it as such. I do have just one very minor point though, concerning the last sentence of the lead: "Bancroft sits on the boards of the Museum of Contemporary Art, Sydney, copyright collection agency Viscopy, and Tranby Aboriginal College." I'm always a bit dubious about statements like that without any date context. If I were to come across this article again next year, would she still have seats on all of those boards? --Malleus Fatuorum 14:19, 17 November 2009 (UTC)