Talk:Brown Sugar (D'Angelo album)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Prism (talk · contribs) 16:41, 15 April 2014 (UTC)

Hi! I'll be reviewing this article. From the looks of it, it seems very well written but I believe the corrections I suggest will improve it even more. If the GAN is passed I would suggest a FA candidacy.

Review

Overview
— "Tick tock" needs fixing.
 * Disambiguation links
 * Done. Dan56 (talk) 02:19, 16 April 2014 (UTC)

— A lot of links need correction! (Tips: Substitute the URLs given in the article (as they are now) with the ones you are redirected to once you click them. They probably changed domains or some details.)
 * External links
 * Done, apart from the few pqarchiver.com links which are naturally like that. Dan56 (talk) 02:19, 16 April 2014 (UTC)

Prose

 * Lead (NOTE: I will not talk here about sentences supported by dead links and other problems, those notes are in the References section of this review.)

— Reads smoothly and with flow. However, just one minor correction: "released July 3, 1995, on EMI Music." (the comma isn't required after dates)
 * Commas after mdy dates per MOS:YEAR. Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)

— The first sentence is awfully long. Break it in two.
 * Background
 * Done. Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)

— "Following the formation of his native-Richmond, Virginia musical group, Michael Archer and Precise, [...]" (is Michael Archer and Precise the name of the group? If so, substitute the commas before and after it with em-dashes.
 * Done. Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)

— "and cash prize" → "and a cash prize"
 * Done. Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)

— Did the initial group break up? Plus, an interesting detail, he used a mixtape which was originally by the group how? Did he re-record it? With or without permission? Please explain a bit better.
 * No information available on that I think. I assume he left to pursue his own career. Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)

— "After an impressive audition for EMI execs" (Impressive should be in quote marks or the phrase should imply that the execs were the ones that found it impressive.
 * Revised. Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)

— "and at number 28" (remove at, it's redundant)
 * Done. Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)

— "highly promoted showcases" (what kind of showcases?)
 * Performances, added, done. Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)


 * Recording

— "$ 500" → "US$ 500"
 * Done. Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)

— The first use of FN15 here is redundant.
 * Done. Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)

— "who had previously produced Me'Shell NdegéOcello's debut album Plantation Lullabies (1993).[19]" (I don't think this is relevant to the scope of the article)
 * Removed. Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)


 * Music and lyrics

— Please retitle "Vocals" to "Vocals and inspiration".
 * Will "vocals and influences" suffice? Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)


 * Songs

— Two uses of FN35 which are redundant. (and examples of WP:OVERCITE)
 * Done. Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)

— "Christopher John Farley cited "Higher" as the album's best track.[13]" (Unnecessary)
 * Done. Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)

— "Misinterpreted as a traditional love song about a femme fatale by most R&B audiences,[10] "Brown Sugar" takes the form of a conventional love song." (Repetition of love song, please reword)
 * Done. Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)

— While I in no way reprehend a larger text pertaining to the song lyrics and composition, does it really need its own heading?
 * Yeah, I suppose to make it more accessible for readers. Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)


 * Commercial performance

— Note 1 being used here is redundant... it just says the same that is contained in the section without references.

— I'm aware that the body of the article already has the references for it, but please add them to Note 1.
 * References (footnotes)
 * Removed altogether. Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)

Suggestions
— You could expand a little on how he promoted the album (e.g.: release of singles [date, music video, etc]; tours; etc)
 * Added bit about tour and subsequent live album. Not much about this album's promotion among sources though. Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)

Review history

 * April 15, 2014 — Initial comments and review.  prism  △ 16:41, 15 April 2014 (UTC)