Talk:Bruce Jackson (audio engineer)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer:  Spinning Spark  18:02, 28 May 2011 (UTC)

Hi Binksternet, nice looking article. Please do not strike any of my comments, I will do this as I verify points are dealt with. To indicate that an item has been addressed, please add text or a graphic (tick etc) after my comment rather than striking. Thanks  Spinning Spark  18:02, 28 May 2011 (UTC)


 * Lede


 * At first sight, the lede seems a tad short (but not badly so) for the size of the article. However, I will revisit this point after reviewing the entire article.
 * "Clair sound systems". Should this be "Clair's sound systems"?  Or is it the name of an organisation "Clair Sound Systems"?
 * "...subsequently founded Apogee Electronics...". The way this move is connected with digital electronics is not clear, can we have a brief explanation in the lede, ie that Jackson wanted to address shortcomings of CD technology?  I know the details are in the article (I have read ahead) but the sentence fails to make the connection by itself.
 * "...where he was living." Not sure why, but this sentence sounds like it is left hanging, "...where he lived at the time." sounds better to me.
 * "...was honored with the Parnelli Innovator Award..." if this is for the technology just discussed it could be made clear with "...was honored for this with the Parnelli Innovator Award..."
 *  Spinning Spark  18:02, 28 May 2011 (UTC)


 * Replies
 * "Clair Brothers" is a company. Perhaps "Clair sound systems" could be changed to "Clair brothers sound systems".
 * The phrase "and he subsequently founded Apogee Electronics" could easily be clarified in this manner: "and he subsequently founded the digital audio company Apogee Electronics"
 * Agree with your wording suggestions. Binksternet (talk) 06:05, 30 May 2011 (UTC)


 * Toolbox
 * The dab tool shows two links requiring disambiguation
 * The external links tool shows one dead link


 * JANDS
 * "...highest end of the commercial AM band". Not sure that highest end makes sense here, either high end or highest frequency sounds better to me.  Also, the significance of this is vague.  Did they go right to the top to try to avoid clashing with "proper" commercial stations?   Spinning  Spark  08:17, 30 May 2011 (UTC)


 * Barbra Streisand
 * "...chosen for its integration with Pro Tools," It would be better to say "chosen for its integration with Pro Tools software," so that readers who do not know what Pro Tools is are not forced to follow the link to find out.
 * "stems": this article is a dicdef and thus fails WP:NOT. It could get deleted, especially if the music notation meaning (which was tacked on after the article was created) is merged elsewhere.  The proper home for this would be a glossary, but I don't think there is a Glossary of audio engineering terms on Wikipedia.  It might be better to gloss it in-article.
 * "...used by Jackson to tune the main sound system." Is the word "tune" used by sound engineers in this sense? It sounds inappropriate to me, and could potentially mislead a reader.
 *  Spinning Spark  09:33, 30 May 2011 (UTC)


 * More replies
 * I have not seen the dead external link, though I noticed two slow responses from tecfoundation.com.
 * "Tune the main sound system"... Yes, this is performance tuning and is a common usage in the concert sound industry.
 * I addressed the indicated problems. Please check to see if your wishes were met. Binksternet (talk) 16:35, 30 May 2011 (UTC)


 * Digital audio
 * "...problems that could be fixed if they could be identified." Is Jackson saying this or Wikipedia?  If the first it should be made clear.  If the second, it is a trivial statement, and not logically true - not all problems that can be identified can be fixed.

"...and brand many have grown to love in this industry." ???
 * Loudspeaker management system


 * Further replies
 * I used that "fixed if" sentence to smooth the transition from one section to the next, but I cannot find right now which source I based it on. Removing the sentence.
 * "Grown to love" removed as overly promotional. We don't need the whole quote to get the gist. Binksternet (talk) 01:17, 31 May 2011 (UTC)