Talk:Burt Gustafson/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Gonzo fan2007 (talk · contribs) 21:03, 15 August 2023 (UTC)

I'll review this one. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk)  @ 21:03, 15 August 2023 (UTC)

Lead

 * Burton F. "Burt" Gustafson
 * After attending Northern Michigan University (NMU) where he was a three-sport star, he coached several high school football, basketball, and track and field teams before returning to NMU where he served from 1956 to 1961 as a coach in four sports. long sentence, consider splitting into two.

Early life and education

 * Any reason for piping Newberry? I get not wanting to repeat Michigan, but Newberry isn't Chicago or something like that. Newberry could be far away.
 * Be consistent with the Oxford comma. You use it in the lead but not in this section.

Coaching career

 * This may be personal preference, but if you don't have a really controversial statement, I typically don't like having references in the middle of sentences. Just push them to the end of the sentence. Just a recommendation to make reading easier.
 * ...also found time to attend the... a little too colloquial, just say it like it is ...also attended the...
 * ...the University of Michigan, and earned... -> ...the University of Michigan, where he earned...
 * ...basketball coach, but became varsity head coach... no need for the comma
 * ...resigning to focus on track and football... be consistent with the use of "track and field" instead of just "track"
 * NAIA should be written out and linked
 * ...he was shifted to a front office role, after just one year as special teams coach. no need for the comma

Later life and death

 * Again, Oxford comma here but not in previous section.
 * In the 2010s, he was interviewed several times by Green Bay Packers historian Cliff Christl. this seems like a random sentence. Is there more context you can add, like why or what came out of the interviews?

Images

 * N/A

Nice work! Putting on hold. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk)  @ 20:26, 16 August 2023 (UTC)
 * I think I've addressed all the issues, - let me know if there's any other concerns. BeanieFan11 (talk) 15:17, 18 August 2023 (UTC)
 * , I added the interview sentence back in and expanded a bit. Sorry, I thought it was really good to include, it just needed some more. I also added in another Christl source, since I think it is a great article to provide additional reference. Looks good, passing! « Gonzo fan2007  (talk)  @ 15:37, 18 August 2023 (UTC)