Talk:Butterfly World Tour/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Adabow (talk · contribs) 20:04, 11 March 2011 (UTC)

Lead

 * Was File:Butterflyworldtour.jpg actually used as the main image to promote the tour, or does it just appear in a book? You might want to replace with a performance photo.
 * Official tour poster.-- CallMe Nathan  &bull;  Talk2Me   02:53, 13 March 2011 (UTC)
 * "Starting on January 11" - give the year, too
 * "Butterfly World Tour" - doesn't need italics
 * "extremely successful" - not mentioned later
 * "and gold in Brazil" - by whom?

Background

 * "Succeeding nights were more favorable reviewed" - favorably
 * "equaling in over 150,000 tickets (a record she broke during her next tour)" - rewrite. Try not to use brackets, and name "her next tour".

Concert synopsis

 * "intro" - colloquial?
 * The sentence about backing vocalists seems to be chucked in at random. Maybe place it at the beginning of the section?
 * "who would join Carey on-stage" - don't use this "would" tense. You mention when he joined Carey, so maybe axe this part altogether
 * Link back-up dancers
 * "intimate performance" seems a bit repetitive
 * "After the performance" - makes it sound like the show is over
 * "The performance was the most intricate dancing" - Maybe 'The performance featured the most intricate choreography'?

Reception

 * "The tour was a critical and commercial success" - remove per WP:PEACOCK
 * Can you find a newspaper/magazine review or two?
 * Looked. Even Legolas looked, can't find anything-- CallMe Nathan  &bull;  Talk2Me   02:53, 13 March 2011 (UTC)

Recording and broadcast

 * "filmed and later edited into a DVD titled" - in the lead you say it was VHS
 * "was a commercial success" - remove per WP:PEACOCK

Setlist

 * Do you have source(s)?
 * Replace "Main" with "Taiwan and Hawaii" or "Taipei and Honolulu" (if that's what "main" means)

Tour dates

 * References? Place citations next to the continent

Credits and personnel

 * Are these in any particular order? Alphabetical is preferable for me
 * That's the order in the book-- CallMe Nathan  &bull;  Talk2Me   02:53, 13 March 2011 (UTC)

Summary
On hold for seven days, awaiting improvements. Adabow (talk · contribs) 20:04, 11 March 2011 (UTC)
 * Done. Thanks Adabow :)-- CallMe Nathan  &bull;  Talk2Me   02:53, 13 March 2011 (UTC)
 * OK, passing now. I would like to make a suggestion that you search for a couple of images of Carey performing on the tour. Adabow (talk · contribs) 03:18, 13 March 2011 (UTC)