Talk:C. J. Suess/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk · contribs) 11:14, 25 March 2021 (UTC)

I'll be reviewing this shortly! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 11:14, 25 March 2021 (UTC)

Here are my comments:

Well written
Early life “Growing up, Suess looked up to Jarome Iginla as a player of colour” – “Growing up, Suess admired Jarome Iginla as a successful black athlete.” - Makes the sentence clearer, and I always fear that “x of colour” could be read the wrong way. Additionally, you should probably mention Suess’s race before this info so people will understand whether he was just admiring someone of the same race or whether he had favorite athletes of another race. ✅

Amateur
 * Take out “growing up” at the start of the first sentence; too similar to the last sentence, and I think you get away fine without it.✅
 * Forest Lake State High School links to a school in Australia—I’m guessing this is the wrong one. (Looks like something I’d do when writing an article 😊).✅
 * Delink Aaron Forsythe (and in collegiate, Bryce Gervais) since they don’t have articles on them. ✅
 * Link Goal (ice hockey) and Assist (ice hockey) on first mention ✅
 * Probably don’t need “at Forest Lake” after “During his high school hockey career” ✅
 * ”in 27 games to be ranked the second-leading” – “in 27 games, ranking as the second-leading” ✅
 * ”Suess attended the Sioux Falls Stampede of the United States Hockey League (USHL) Tryout Camp” – “Suess attended the tryout camp for the Sioux Falls Stampede of the United States Hockey League (USHL).” ✅
 * ”During his final season” – “During his second (and final) season” ✅
 * ”an NCAA Division I Letter of Intent to attend Minnesota State University” – “a Letter of Intent to attend Minnesota State University, Mankato, an NCAA Division I school.” ✅
 * Spell out National Hockey League on first mention, then put (NHL) in parentheses afterwards.✅

Collegiate
 * ”28 points which tied” – put a comma between points and which ✅
 * ”During the teams' North Star College Cup 4–5 overtime win over the Minnesota Golden Gophers, he recorded the game-winning goal” – “He recorded the game-winning goal in the team’s North Star College Cup 4–5 overtime win over the Minnesota Golden Gophers.”✅
 * Spell out and link Western Collegiate Hockey Association on first mention, then put WCHA in parentheses afterwards. ✅
 * Don’t need a dash between left and wing. ✅
 * ”he has spent” – “he had spent” ✅
 * Link left wing and Center (ice hockey) on first mention ✅
 * ”During the season, he tied for second amongst team scoring and fourth in goals[2] as well as received the WCHA Offensive Player of the Week after 5-3 win over Bowling Green.” – “During the season, he was named the WCHA Offensive Player of the Week after the team’s 5-3 win over Bowling Green.” Could you put the date of the game here?  Then, “he tied for second on the team in points and finished fourth in goals scored.” ✅
 * Make “Prior to his senior year” the start of a new paragraph. ✅
 * Also, start it as “Suess, Brad McClure, and Max Coatta were named captains of the Mavericks prior to Suess’s senior year.” ✅
 * ”Suess received numerous accolades from the league including WCHA First All-Star Team[23] and WCHA Player of the Year, becoming the first Maverick to capture the award” – “Suess was named to the WCHA First All-Star Team and was named the WCHA Player of the Year, becoming the first Maverick to capture the award.” ✅
 * ” On March 13, Suess was the recipient of” – “He was also named to” – Date isn’t that important.✅
 * I don’t think amateur in amateur tryout agreement needs to be capitalized.✅
 * ” during the NCAA Division I era” – “during its time at the NCAA Division I level.”✅

Professional
 * Can remove comma after 12 points.✅
 * ” with an average annual value of $700,000 in the NHL” – “with an average annual value of $700,000 if he played in the NHL.” (assuming that’s what it means)✅
 * Start the next paragraph with “Upon” instead of “After” (for variety)✅
 * I know it’s obvious right now, but specify what the NHL returned from.✅

Verifiable

 * Ref 15—put WCHA as publisher too since you do so for later cites. ✅
 * Ref 29—typo in Hockey ✅

Broad in its coverage
Do we know anything about his father? (If not, that’s fine—just checking.)
 * I have actually changed it because Scott Casarez is his step dad

Neutral
This looks fine!

Stable
This looks fine!

Illustrated
Images aren’t required for these articles, and I’m guessing as Suess’s career progresses, some will surface.

Let me know when these changes are addressed! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 19:27, 25 March 2021 (UTC)
 * , thanks so much for their in-depth review! I believe I have addressed all of your concerns. HickoryOughtShirt?4 (talk) 02:55, 26 March 2021 (UTC)
 * Looks good now, passing! Well done! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 03:14, 26 March 2021 (UTC)