Talk:C. O. Brocato

Pre-FAC comments
Leaving some comments here. PCN02WPS ( talk  &#124;  contribs ) 17:22, 21 September 2023 (UTC)

Lead
 * "player, coach and scout, best" → remove comma after "scout"
 * Done.
 * "with the Houston / Tennessee Oilers / Titans" → I know this is not the easiest thing to avoid but the way this is formatted is a little confusing - if this can't be fixed it's not a big deal, but it would be nice
 * I can't think of a better way that could be formatted, can you?
 * "for which he served as a scout" → this is more of a personal thing (stemming from this essay) but I have come to dislike the "served as" construction in favor of "for which he was a scout" in this case
 * Done.

Early life and playing career
 * "he served as team captain" → "he was team captain" as above
 * Done.
 * "Brocato began the season poorly, with two missed" → granted, I didn't read the source all the way through, but "poorly" looks like it could be OR
 * Changed.
 * Link "holding" to Holder (gridiron football)
 * Done.
 * "11-yard field goal" → I don't know that there is anything to change here, since the sources support this, but I have tried and failed to wrap my mind around exactly where this kick was taken from and how far it went in the air
 * Back then the field goal posts were at the front of the endzone - so this kick was made at the 11-yard-line - do you think this should be explained somehow?
 * "which was the margin of victory in the 14–13 win" → technically, the margin of victory would have been one extra point, rather than two
 * Recommend using Win-loss record upon first mention of a W–L style record
 * Done, I think.
 * "Baylor ended up finishing the season" → "Baylor finished the season", simplify wording
 * Done.
 * "Brocato weighed 185 lb" → recommend putting this in em-dashes instead of parentheses and using convert on the weight
 * Done.

Coaching career
 * "and served as a teacher" → "and was a teacher" or merge with sentence after it
 * Done.
 * "their "most successful" season" → attribute this quote inline
 * Done.
 * "he helped build what was described as the best team in school history up to that point" → described by who?
 * The Shreveport Journal; "For Jesuit, it marked the end of the school's finest hour in football"
 * "started the 1972 season 0–6" → just to avoid having too many "numbers with hyphens" constructions, you could say "started the 1972 season with six straight losses" or something like that
 * Done.
 * "despite being one of the candidates for the vacant head coaching position" → was the head coaching position for the Oilers or at UTA?
 * UTA - changed.
 * "characters he had ever met, and described" → remove comma
 * Done.

Scouting career
 * "and continued serving with them" → this makes it sound like he was in the military
 * Changed to "and remained with them"
 * "served under 10 head coaches" → same as above
 * Changed to "worked under 10 head coaches"
 * "inducted into the hall" → I recommend "Hall of Fame" as shorthand, rather than "hall", since readers not familiar with football might not know this offhand
 * Done.
 * "the scouting community."" → move full stop outside of the quotes per MOS:LQ
 * Done.

That's what I got on my first readthrough - nice job! PCN02WPS ( talk  &#124;  contribs ) 17:52, 21 September 2023 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the review - I'll start getting to the issues now. BeanieFan11 (talk) 19:12, 21 September 2023 (UTC)
 * I believe I've addressed all the issues you pointed out - thoughts? BeanieFan11 (talk) 17:05, 22 September 2023 (UTC)
 * In case you didn't receive the prior ping. BeanieFan11 (talk) 14:57, 25 September 2023 (UTC)
 * @BeanieFan11 Everything looks good from what I can see - I still don't love the "Houston / Tennessee Oilers / Titans" but I don't have any ideas on how that could be better displayed - somebody may have a suggestion in the FAC that could be used. I'd definitely throw a support behind this once you get it up at FAC, nicely done. PCN02WPS  ( talk  &#124;  contribs ) 15:23, 26 September 2023 (UTC)
 * Thanks, I'll nominate it at some point today. BeanieFan11 (talk) 15:25, 26 September 2023 (UTC)

BeanieFan11, nice work here. In the coaching career section, there should be some mention of John Symank and clarity that Brocato moved with Symank from Northern Arizona to Texas–Arlington. Jweiss11 (talk) 22:04, 26 September 2023 (UTC)

High school
Is there a reason you reverted my changes making the link to Brocato's high school? It was suggested as a change to be made before it would be featured as TFA. BeanieFan11 (talk) 03:06, 10 December 2023 (UTC)

Piping the links that way looked suspicious. Is there a reason the displayed name has to be different than the actual target?  -  Sumanuil  '''. ''' (talk to me) 03:17, 10 December 2023 (UTC)