Talk:Can't Help Thinking About Me/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 09:28, 20 January 2022 (UTC)

This looks good; I am going to start the review soon! --K. Peake 09:28, 20 January 2022 (UTC)

Infobox and lead

 * David Bowie with the Lower Third → David Bowie and the Lower Third, as this is the correct term for collabs in an infobox
 * It was actually credited to David Bowie WITH the Lower Third on the single so that's what it should say here – zmbro (talk) (cont) 15:46, 23 January 2022 (UTC)
 * Come to think of it, that's alright. --K. Peake 19:50, 23 January 2022 (UTC)


 * WP:OVERLINK of David Bowie under songwriter(s)
 * Done


 * "it was the first single released under" → "it was the first one put out under" or something similar, to be less repetitive
 * "first one issued"; put out isn't that encyclopedic
 * I was thinking of suggesting this originally but wasn't sure how you'd feel, what a coincidence! --K. Peake 19:50, 23 January 2022 (UTC)


 * The A&R representative introduction is not needed here since it being in the body is sufficient
 * Wikilink Marble Arch
 * ""Can't Help Thinking About Me" concerns a boy found guilty of an act and" → "the song concerns a boy found guilty of an act that"
 * "The song is noted by" → "It is noted by"
 * "like Bowie's previous singles," → "like Bowie's previous releases,"
 * Remove introduction to Ralph Horton per my earlier comment
 * "performed the single" → "performed the song"
 * Remove introduction to the Buzz per above
 * "In May, "Can't Help Thinking About Me" was" → "Two months later, it was"
 * "performance of "Can't Help Thinking About Me"" → "performance of the song"
 * Above 10 done

Writing and recording

 * Img looks good!
 * Add a comma after Davy Jones
 * "for a label, Norton convinced" → "for a label, Horton convinced"
 * Pipe A&R to Artists and repertoire
 * Above three done


 * Are you sure risque is an appropriate term for Wiki?
 * Changed to 'provocative'


 * "At the time," specify what time since this is a new para
 * It's already established it's in 1965, and we already start the first para with the timeframe, so not sure how to reword it. – zmbro (talk) (cont) 15:46, 23 January 2022 (UTC)
 * Maybe at the time of the rewriting or creation? --K. Peake 19:50, 23 January 2022 (UTC)
 * "At the time of recording" – zmbro (talk) (cont) 15:45, 24 January 2022 (UTC)
 * I am totally fine with the new wording --K. Peake 21:23, 24 January 2022 (UTC)


 * "Bowie and the band conducted" → "Bowie and the Lower Third conducted"
 * "and the band caused" → "and them caused"
 * Above two done

Composition

 * Shouldn't the musical info come before lyrical and if so, maybe retitle to Composition and lyrics?
 * I don't think there's specific guidelines on order (that I know of). I think it flows nicely as is. – zmbro (talk) (cont) 15:46, 23 January 2022 (UTC)
 * Not really, but it would be better organized for the actual comp to come first and have a more representative title. --K. Peake 19:50, 23 January 2022 (UTC)
 * How about that? – zmbro (talk) (cont) 15:47, 24 January 2022 (UTC)
 * Much better, well done! --K. Peake 21:23, 24 January 2022 (UTC)


 * "and decides to leave town" → "who decides to leave town"
 * "Richie Unterberger later stated:" → "Richie Unterberger later stated that"
 * "his later lyrics."" → "his later lyrics"." per MOS:QUOTE
 * "the lyric "My girl" → "the line "My girl"
 * "With the lyric," → "With the line,"
 * Shouldn't you write James E. Perone per the author listed for the source?
 * Above six done

Release

 * "in the group that" → "in the band that"
 * "all that original"." → "all that original."" if this is a full sentence quoted, per MOS:QUOTE on those
 * "on 14 January," → "on 14 January 1966,"
 * "where they mimed to the new single" → "where they mimed to "Can't Help Thinking About Me""
 * "was issued in" → "was issued as a single in"
 * "and its failure had" → "writing its failure had"
 * All done

Live performances

 * "Over thirty years after" → "Over 30 years after" per MOS:NUM
 * Mention the release year of Space Oddity
 * "Debuting it during" → "Debuting the song during" but is it correct to say debut here?
 * All done, reworded last one

Toy version

 * Are you sure the studios can't be separate be a semi-colon instead?
 * That's how I've done it at Toy (David Bowie album) and all the other Toy tracks. – zmbro (talk) (cont) 15:30, 24 January 2022 (UTC)
 * This is fine then, really. --K. Peake 21:23, 24 January 2022 (UTC)


 * Shouldn't the labels be separated by using bullet points instead of a slash?
 * "After performing it live" → "After performing the song live"
 * "during the mid-1960s," → "in the mid-1960s,"
 * "Co-produced by" → "With co-production from" maybe, as this sentence does not mention any specific song(s)
 * Pipe Overdubs to Overdubbing
 * Remove wikilink on EMI
 * Above six done


 * "Ten years later," → "10 years later," per MOS:NUM
 * Since it starts the sentence I feel it's more appropriate to write it out. – zmbro (talk) (cont) 15:30, 24 January 2022 (UTC)
 * Why so? --K. Peake 21:23, 24 January 2022 (UTC)
 * See here, here, and here. They all state you shouldn't start sentences with numbers. – zmbro (talk) (cont) 21:32, 24 January 2022 (UTC)


 * Where are the labels sourced?
 * Fixed


 * I think you should use a different term from "previewed" because this is a release date; maybe "debuted" or "premiered"?
 * "alternate mix" → "alternative mix" per the source
 * Both done

Personnel

 * Good

Final comments and verdict

 * until everything is fixed and I don't mind it being worked through periodically like you've done so far! --K. Peake 19:50, 23 January 2022 (UTC)
 * Thanks for reviewing Kyle! – zmbro (talk) (cont) 15:40, 24 January 2022 (UTC)
 * Your welcome; I have made any relevant points above. --K. Peake 21:23, 24 January 2022 (UTC)
 * ✅ now, nice work and we managed to find mutual stances on any points with disagreements! --K. Peake 08:12, 25 January 2022 (UTC)