Talk:Carlos Ruiz (baseball)/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Montanabw (talk · contribs) 00:40, 9 June 2014 (UTC)

I shall review this article and will have comments shortly. Montanabw (talk) 00:40, 9 June 2014 (UTC)


 * Preliminary scan, more to come, probably tomorrow. If the boxes above are too small for your reply, no problem putting comments below here. Montanabw (talk)  00:55, 9 June 2014 (UTC)


 * The basic stuff above looks mostly fixed. I'm going to do a run-through of all text now.  It is easier for me to make minor tweaks as I go and use hidden text comments within the article for the bigger stuff instead of coming over here and saying "you need a comma at point X."  If there's something major, like reorganization or something, I'll say so here.   Montanabw (talk)  01:34, 14 June 2014 (UTC)

With my run-through, I put in a lot of suggestions, anything you don't tweak but want to discuss, just chat here. A couple of thoughts:
 * If the team was a little reluctant to take on Ruiz at first, why was this? If the statistics explain why, you may need to explain the statistics to a non-baseball person such as myself, I wouldn't know if the numbers are good or bad just by looking.  Seems a gap here.   Montanabw (talk)  02:52, 14 June 2014 (UTC)
 * A few of the longer parenthetical phrases might be better done as end footnotes (efn).  Montanabw (talk)  02:52, 14 June 2014 (UTC)
 * Some of the quotes are over-long and are being used to carry the narrative, which doesn't always work. While I'm symmpathetic to not close prarphrasing and using cited quotes is better, I'd prefer to see an encyclopedic description with a short quote, particularly when the quotes don't really convey the story ideally anyway.  An example is "Ruiz—himself only a .219 hitter during the regular season—found one piece of no-man's-land inside the crowded infield. He bounced a 45-foot dribbler toward third; Evan Longoria hopelessly flung the ball wildly to the plate. The latest start in World Series history (10:06 p.m. first pitch) ended with the first walk-off infield hit in World Series history." WHy was this significant?  Was it the game-winning hit?  (I don't know my baseball lingo, what is a "walk-off infield hit"?)  And why do we need to know it was a late start?  Montanabw (talk)  02:52, 14 June 2014 (UTC)
 * I killed quite a few comma splices (comma between subject and verb, no extra charge!  Montanabw (talk)  03:40, 14 June 2014 (UTC)
 * I hope that my lack of baseball knowledge isn't causing issues, I tried to flag things where I was unfamiliar with the lingo or the significance of a statement. Though baseball is a worldwide sport, it's not one I follow, so a few things needed some explanation. Don't feel obligated to give in to my demands on all of the things I pinged, but figure where I noted something, at least peek at the way it's phrased because I tripped over something there...   Montanabw (talk)  03:40, 14 June 2014 (UTC)
 * Organizational thought - I don't know if all the baseball articles follow the same layout, but that Player Profile section would be cool to put earlier in the article, unless there is a wikiproject consensus to keep it as it. When I read the article, I scratched my head about a lot of things that were finally answered in the Player Profile. You'd need to do a little reorganizing to make this happen, and I won't hold up the GA for such a move, but it might help.  Montanabw (talk)  03:45, 14 June 2014 (UTC)
 * Hmm. I've never seen one anywhere but the end, but seeing as how I am one of the few who write biographies on current players, I doubt most people care. I'll start a discussion on the project talk page.  Go  Phightins  !  21:08, 14 June 2014 (UTC)
 * I responded to most of your hidden comments by either fixing the issue, or continuing the dialogue within the context of the hidden comment ... probably would have been easier to discuss here, but oh well.  Go  Phightins  !  21:08, 14 June 2014 (UTC)
 * Faster there, I agree. Harder to follow in an edit history or with multiple editors, but when just two people, I find it a quick and efficient way to dialogue.   Montanabw (talk)  23:47, 14 June 2014 (UTC)


 * Oh, what I meant by "efn" was for the couple of long (asides tucked into parentheses), using end footnotes is possibly a more elegant way to handle them. I used them at Oxbow (horse) (among other articles) for a couple of things where I needed to go off on a tangent but didn't want to clutter the text.  See "Notes" in that article and then see where I inserted  in the article text.  Up to you if you want to use them, but a good tool in the arsenal.   Montanabw (talk)  00:17, 15 June 2014 (UTC)


 * I noticed that this story, which you have in the article already, contains a bit on how he was scouted in the first place and why he switched from 2nd base to catcher, I think it's relevant to add to the section on his early years if you want to.


 * Overall, your fixes helped a lot, I'd just ask you to address (or not) the final things that still have hidden text and then I should be able to sign off on this as a GA.  Montanabw (talk)  05:32, 15 June 2014 (UTC)


 * Symbol support vote.svg Passed! Nice work!   Montanabw (talk)  18:46, 16 June 2014 (UTC)