Talk:Charles Corydon Hall/GA3

GA Review
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Reviewer: Amakuru (talk · contribs) 08:34, 18 June 2021 (UTC)

Images:
 * The main image needs a template to indicate why it's valid for use, assuming you didn't take that photo yourself 100 years ago 🙂. I suspect the "Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 International license" is also inaccurate, or at least redundant, if the image is in the public domain anyway due to age.
 * ✅ - corrected license to public domain license.


 * The other two images are fine, and together these images illustrate the subject. &mdash; Amakuru (talk) 08:47, 18 June 2021 (UTC)

Early life:
 * Did Hall have any brothers and sisters?
 * ✅ None of the sources say.


 * "Hall's father died in 1870 when he was ten years old. His mother was a schoolteacher to support her family and finance his education." - the source seems to link these two facts together (it describes her as "the widowed Jennie Clemmons Hall"), so I would combine the two sentences into one.

Career:
 * "From there he went to another steel plant and rolling mill company to take a management position at Belleville, Illinois" - maybe reword slightly, as with this phrasing it sounds like he was managing the town rather than the steel plant.
 * ✅ - copy edited accordingly.


 * "In the early 1890s, Alexandria, Indiana, had a large supply of natural gas" - awkward phrasing, with all the commas. Suggest "In the early 1890s there was a large supply of natural gas in Alexandria, Indiana".
 * ✅ - copy edited accordingly.


 * "He started the disassembly of the Belleville plant in 1895 and reconstructed it in Alexandria" - this seems slightly abrupt after the previous sentence when he was merely "investigating the possibility". Presumably someone must have decided not only decided the Alexandria thing was a good idea, but also to close the original plant at Belleville.
 * ✅ - copy edited accordingly.


 * "The plant he worked for in Alexandria never made any steel and was merged in 1898 with Republic Iron and Steel Company to make steel and transferred the facilities to Youngstown, Ohio" - I can't make much sense of this. So he was working for a steel plant in Belleville, which moved itself to Alexandria, but that new plant never made any steel? Or was this a different plant than the one that was reconstructed? And why was it transferred to Ohio, if it had only just been built and was supposed to take advantage of cheap gas?
 * ✅ - copy edited accordingly.


 * "Hall was assigned by the Alexandria plant a business trip to Pittsburgh in 1897" - what does this mean? I've never heard of planting business trips.
 * ✅ - copy edited accordingly.


 * "next to the Alexandria plant he could use for research and development" - maybe insert "that" or "which" before "he could" so it's clear it refers to the building
 * ✅ - copy edited accordingly.


 * "he began exploration of the bedrock material characteristics" - I'm not really sure what this means.
 * ✅ - copy edited accordingly.


 * More to come later! &mdash; Amakuru (talk) 09:10, 18 June 2021 (UTC)
 * All above initial issues have been addressed. Can you take a look at them. Thanks--Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:20, 18 June 2021 (UTC)
 * Yeah, looks good so far. Continuing review below.


 * "a peculiar feature not found in most limestone" - any reason why?
 * ✅ - A peculiar chemical makeup feature. Copy edited accordingly with additional news clip reference for this.


 * "He began his selling of rock wool by taking bags full of the material on his bicycle and searched for potential customers" - "searching" rather than "searched" I think.
 * ✅ - copy edited accordingly.


 * "A few years after Crystal Chemical Works started the natural gas supply..." - needs a comma after "Works", I think. "was founded" might also be slightly better wording than "started".
 * ✅ - copy edited accordingly.


 * "One of the first uses of the rock wool was for industrial insulation of boilers and pipes" - earlier it was mentioned that the principal users were to be "breweries, distilleries, and cold storage facilities". Did those guys not purchase rock wool from Crystal Chemical Works, before he even founded "Banner Rock Products Company"?
 * ✅ Correct -> those guys did not purchase rock wool from Crystal Chemical Works, before he even founded Banner Rock Products Company. My wording is, the chief users of insulation were breweries, distilleries, and cold storage facilities. For their insulation they used cork that was imported from Spain and Portugal.


 * "Banner Rock Company" - earlier it was called "Banner Rock Products Company". Either spell out the formal proper name, or just call it "Banner Rock" or something.
 * ✅ - copy edited accordingly to all saying Banner Rock Products Company.


 * "developed a talented sales team" - talented according to whom?
 * ✅ - copy edited accordingly to say, according to historian Jack Donahue developed a talented sales team... The source from historian Jack Donahue says, "When Hall's son Cordy joined the company as sales manager in 1920. he quickly assembled a crack sales team to travel the nation promoting Banner Rock."


 * "Alexandria became known as the local home of rock wool" - again, known to whom? Per WP:WEASEL, I think claims like this should be attributed.
 * ✅ - copy edited accordingly.


 * "and is considered its progenitor" - ditto.
 * ✅ - copy edited accordingly.


 * "He married Carrie Scott in 1914. They had no children" - maybe merge these two sentences.
 * ✅ - copy edited accordingly.


 * "Hall died of heart disease from a lengthy sickness" - maybe "after a lengthy sickness"?
 * ✅ - copy edited accordingly.


 * That's all on prose I think. I'll have a check on referencing and other stuff later on. &mdash; Amakuru (talk) 15:22, 18 June 2021 (UTC)
 * ready for you to have another look at. Cheers &mdash; Amakuru (talk) 16:00, 18 June 2021 (UTC)
 * All second round issues have been addressed. Ready for third round.--Doug Coldwell (talk)

. I've finished looking at the prose, it seems well-written and broad in coverage. The refs look decent, and a couple of spot-checks checked out. NPOV, stability and images also looking good, so I'm passing this for GA. Well done, and thanks for your work on this. &mdash; Amakuru (talk) 21:36, 18 June 2021 (UTC)