Talk:Clive Hulme/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Hog Farm (talk · contribs) 18:30, 12 April 2020 (UTC)

I'll review this later this week. Hog Farm (talk) 18:30, 12 April 2020 (UTC)

Criteria
1. Prose ✅

2. Verifiability ✅

3. Depth of Coverage ✅

4. Neutral ✅

5. Stable ✅

6. Illustrations ✅

7. Miscellaneous ✅

Comments
1.
 * Wikilink warrant officer in the infobox
 * Done. Zawed (talk) 08:00, 14 April 2020 (UTC)


 * "and a recipient of the Victoria Cross (VC), the highest award of the British Commonwealth for gallantry "in the face of the enemy"" - You need another comma between Commonwealth and for.
 * Done. Zawed (talk) 08:00, 14 April 2020 (UTC)


 * Wiklink Battle of Crete in the lead
 * The battle is mentioned twice in the lead, I think you have picked up the second mention (the first is linked). Zawed (talk) 08:00, 14 April 2020 (UTC)


 * Is home front capitalized? Is it a specific unit of the New Zealand military, or is it a reference to the home front?
 * Good question; in the infobox, I've put the caps on Home but not front and linked to Home front during World War II. It seems to be used sentence case otherwise so have replicated that in the main text. Zawed (talk) 08:00, 14 April 2020 (UTC)


 * "to Harold Hulme, a clerk and his wife" - Comma between clerk and and
 * Done. Zawed (talk) 08:00, 14 April 2020 (UTC)


 * " and soon found himself, leading attacks" - I don't think the comma should be there
 * Oops no, deleted. Zawed (talk) 08:00, 14 April 2020 (UTC)


 * Wikilink Stylos
 * Done.


 * " On his return to Nelson in October 1941, he was honoured with a civic reception" - Can we get the exact date?
 * Have added. Zawed (talk) 08:00, 14 April 2020 (UTC)

2.
 * "His son, Denny Hulme, was active in motorsports, winning several Grand Prix and becoming the Formula One World Champion in 1967" - The provided source only states "he became the world motor-racing champion in 1967", the additional details need a citation.
 * I'm an F1 buff so knew straightaway the context but forgot not everyone would be aware of this. Have added a source specific to Denny Hulme for the Grand Prix wins and F1 championship. Zawed (talk) 08:22, 14 April 2020 (UTC)


 * Ref 21 takes me to the nzherald homepage.
 * Have deleted that ref - it is covered by the next ref although I rephrased to account for the differences in number of medals stolen. Zawed (talk) 08:22, 14 April 2020 (UTC)

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

Looks pretty good. A little cleanup and one ref to work on. Placing on hold. Hog Farm (talk) 17:01, 13 April 2020 (UTC)
 * , thanks for the review. I have responded to your comments above. Thanks again, Zawed (talk) 08:22, 14 April 2020 (UTC)
 * Good work, promoting. Hog Farm (talk) 15:18, 14 April 2020 (UTC)