Talk:Coast Guard Squadron One/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Zawed (talk · contribs) 10:11, 15 April 2013 (UTC)

Right, I'll take this article on.


 * GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)


 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
 * Lead
 * * Seems short for length of article; I would add at least another reasonably sized paragraph. reworked lede 27 April. Please review wording and style...
 * I have added some material here but I am not necessarily happy with it...I will try a different approach when I get the time to work on it re-written to add content
 * * 2nd para: interdicting tons of supplies and weapons.. effectively repeats previous sentence; suggest rephrasing. reworded
 * * 2nd para: The word turnover is repeated twice in the last sentence; suggest rephrasing. done
 * Background
 * * SVN: recite in full on first usage, then abbreviate. done
 * * COMUSMACV: a bit formal, and is only used the once. Can we just say the commander of MACV? done
 * * Please check MOS for numbers; eg. twenty five knots may need to be 25. done
 * * twenty five knots: convert for the landlubbers? done
 * * the Navy queried the Treasury Department: Presumably the CG comes under the jurisdiction of the Treasury Dept? Should clarify this. reworded for clarity, and add link to armed services
 * * The 95-foot (29 m) Cape-class cutter was considered... Should this be initially considered an option by Roland (because his offer was in relation to Point class vessels and the utility boats).
 * * WPB: if this is the designation for the Point-class cutters, it isn't used again in the rest of this section. removed
 * * was considered because it had a greater speed because ...: repeated use of because. This is also part of a very long sentence; consider breaking it up. reworded and broken up into two sentences.
 * * non-manned: Seems unusual wording. Could we just say the engine could be controlled from the bridge? I will try "unmanned".
 * Crew training and commissioning of Squadron One
 * * Coast Guard Island : is there a wikilink for this? linked
 * * 131 of the squadron's 245...: reword so sentence doesn't start with number. Perhaps "Over half of the squadron's...".  Did the remainder of the crews graduate? reworded for clarity
 * * For service in Vietnam, two officers were added to the crew complement : what is the normal crew complement? (that info might be better placed in the previous section). reworded for clarity
 * Naval Base Subic Bay
 * * each bottom was inspected...: think hull or hull bottom would read better. I'm not particularly nautical but if one is painting a waterline, to me that isn't necessarily painting the bottom. done
 * * ammunition ready boxes for the mortar...: ammunition ready? Not sure what that is. Ready boxes is referred to later in the paragraph. added link to related article. Ready box is a standard term used by crew served gun crews
 * * As the crews arrived from the United States, they began helping with modification work in the shipyard ... So presumably Navy personnel had been doing the work? Probably should slip in a reference to that in the previous para. My references don't say that the Navy had anything to do with mods in shipyard. I reworded to hopefully clarify point.
 * * ...was required by...: perhaps replace with compulsory for.... done
 * * With crew training ...crew of Division 11 cutter Point Banks. Some of the text in this section seems a little informal for an encyclopedia: the word to be passed, double-checked, the music... copy edited to make a more formal read.
 * * ...for Operation Market Time. This made me look again at what Market Time is and I think it could be explained a little better in the background section. e.g. a sentence to the effect of "Operation Market Time was the Navy mission to to provide surveillance and interdiction..." rewrote background section to include an overview of Market Time and added reference.
 * Operations
 * * Commander, Task Force 115 (TF115): Do we know who he was? no luck in finding a name...see comment below.
 * Had to have been some US Navy officer. I will consult the Navy references of that period and see if I can glean a name. Checked my sources for information on this and no name was given, just the title of the billet. Navy sources on Vietnam < http://www.history.navy.mil/branches/org10-8.htm > only go as far back as January 1966, except for Facilities Engineering Command, but that only related to shore installations and maintenance.
 * * as the rest of the division put into the harbor on 31 July: Presumably the island's harbor? Also I notice an issue with the map image. Not sure if you can fix this, but the label for Da Nang reads Danang. Specified which harbor in text and changed map label to Da Nang.
 * * Coast Guard Squadron Three: So CGS1 was not the only CG unit in Vietnam? The previous section says CGS1 was the first CG unit in Vietnam. May need to introduce CGS3 in background section as another CG unit being sent to Vietnam. copyedited background section  to introduce CGS3.
 * Actually there were several other CG units in Vietnam, CGS3 being the only other one involved in Market Time operations. "24 April 1967- At Navy request, five USCG high endurance cutters (WHEC)are commissioned as Coast Guard Squadron Three (RONTHREE) at Pearl Harbor." "15 May 1967- Coast Guard Squadron Three (RONTHREE) begins MARKET TIME patrolling."  It is my view that to mention CGS3 in the background section would be distracting to the reader at that point, since CGS3 didn't arrive until the spring of 1967. Would adding a mention in the 1967 section be acceptable? Ended up putting a reference in background, please look it over and see what you think...
 * * Coast Guard WPB: I assume the WPB is the designation for the Point-class cutters? The abbreviation hasn't been introduced yet. corrected
 * * On 30 July, Commander, Task Force 115 (CTF115) assumed control of all Market Time assets and immediately changed the way patrols were conducted in the DMZ. The first part of this sentence repeats the last sentence of the arrival in Vietnam section. Perhaps rephrase to the effect of On assuming control, The TF115 commander changed the way patrols... done
 * * March 1966 in support of Operation Jackstay.[54] Operation Jackstay ended 6 April..: Rephrase to avoid the back to back usage of Operation Jackstay. reworded
 * * Overlinking of skipper; just link the first usage. I suspect that there are other instances of overlinking, so you will need to check this out. removed extra links with tool.
 * Some of this material was written at different times stretching over an 18 month period and duplicate linking is a definite possibility. I will attempt to correct; however, after a while the eyes don't seem to see the duplications.
 * Try this tool: User:Ucucha/duplinks. Zawed (talk) 10:38, 18 April 2013 (UTC)
 * * In the Welcome Point section, use full ranks (like you do for Patterson). Done
 * 1967
 * * 2nd para, Danang or Da Nang? corrected. Different sources spell Da Nang differently. I have chosen to use the traditional Vietnamese usage.
 * * I think for sake of consistency, all the ship names should be piped i.e. USS Wilhoite. The DER etc... sticks out otherwise.  I notice at least one instance in the 1966 section, sorry I didn't pick this up earlier. removed hull numbers from all ships in text, they remain in the "Cutter assignment and disposition information" section for sorting purposes.
 * * 700 thousand rounds: should that be 700000? Not sure of MOS in this instance. Also, (in my view) it is excessive detail to specify the various munitions found; a simple summary will suffice (as with most instances in the 1966 section). Agree, It is probably overkill. I have edited the specific numbers out of this section.
 * 1968
 * * North Vietnamese Army: I might have missed it but if this is the first reference to the NVA, you could wikilink it. It also needs introduction of the abbreviation which is used later in this section. linked and introduced in fourth paragraph of "Background" section.
 * * Your usage of commas in large numbers is inconsistent; e.g. The 1,027 missions... vs 2000 pounds of TNT explosives in 1967 section. went back through whole article to check for instances on this issues and found several. corrected, I think! :)
 * * Rephrase last para so you don't have back to back usage of Hernandez. done
 * Last Turnover
 * * Again, Danang or Da Nang? corrected
 * Legacy and impact
 * * squadron cruised 4,215,116 miles: provide a conversion to km. done
 * Unit and service awards
 * * Some paragraphs are missing citations: eg. final sentence of Vietnam Service Medal, the two palm awards. removed unreferenced material. When writing the original material, I know that I saw a source on this but didn't get it recorded at the time. If I run across it again I can always put it in correctly.
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):
 * References
 * * Running a Citation Error Report, I note "Multiple references are using the same name". These are: USCGhistorian and CNFVMHS0870. corrected citations.
 * * Several notes eg. 4, 5, 6 are citing large page ranges. These all seem to be from the Kelley reference. see comment following...
 * The Kelley reference page numbers are numbered by section and page number (Sections 1 through 6 with the page number following the dash, e.g. 5-155 is section 5, page 155. If this is to be shown in the article another way then I need some guidance.
 * Just to clarify, each section restarts with respect to page numbering? If not (i.e. only one page numbered 155), then ditch the section numbers. Zawed (talk) 09:49, 17 April 2013 (UTC)
 * The page numbers restart at 1 within each section. There are many sections in the reference and page numbers look like these examples: 1-1, 2-5, 3-1, Map-19, 4-2, 5-558, 6-5 and appendix page numbering such as: A-1, B-15, all the way through H. Please advise on what to do...
 * Hmm, I'm a bit stuck myself with how to deal with this. Perhaps swap the small dash (which I think to most people will indicate a page range even if it is the wrong type of dash) with a colon?
 * I have dealt with this problem by putting the section number labeled thusly: < ^ a b Kelley, sec 5, p 400 > I hope this plus a footnote <^ The Kelley (2002) reference is divided into several sections with each section starting its page numbering with page 1, therefore footnoting for this reference follows the same pattern. > will solve the problem to everyone's liking.
 * * Note 123 is missing retrieval date etc... done
 * * Most book refs are missing state of publication. done
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): b (focused):
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * Images
 * * All images appear to have tags, but a minor nitpick: those sourced from the Coastguard, how do we know the author was an employee if they are unknown?
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * Images
 * * All images appear to have tags, but a minor nitpick: those sourced from the Coastguard, how do we know the author was an employee if they are unknown?
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:

More to come. Zawed (talk) 10:43, 15 April 2013 (UTC)
 * Added more comments. Will get to Operations section in coming days. Zawed (talk) 10:04, 16 April 2013 (UTC)
 * Up to 1967 now. Zawed (talk) 09:45, 17 April 2013 (UTC)
 * And finished my initial pass. Zawed (talk) 11:10, 20 April 2013 (UTC)
 * Looks like all issues addressed, updated checklist and passing as GA. Zawed (talk) 08:26, 30 April 2013 (UTC)