Talk:Colette Khoury

Peer Eval #2
You've done a nice job of organizing your information into sections and linking your article to other wikipedia articles--this is a great draft! I would suggest beefing up your intro paragraph a little bit to include a little bit about what she wrote and a short blurb on why she is so important--just a sentence or two to give the reader a sense of where you are going with this article.

On a very small note, there are a few cases where your verb tense is not consistent. "Colette comes from a notable family" should be past tense. Even if she is still alive, you should phrase it like "Colette was born into a noble family" or something similar. This way, the verb tense is consistent throughout the article rather than switching from present to past, as this is confusing to the reader. Another example is "Khoury was a pioneer of Arab feminism, and had written angry stories in the 1950s about men and their selfishness." The second clause should be "and wrote stories..." or "or "who wrote stories..."

There are also a few instances where you could simplify a sentence and it would make more sense. FOr example: "she used devices such as writing" could just be written "she used writing." I was confused as how writing was a device--usually this word refers to either literary devces or a tangible object and since you do not explain other ways she expresses herself, you do not have to include the "such as..." Also, in the sentence right after that, I do not think the word "including" is the best choice--I would suggest editing that sentence as well.

I LOVE your se of the quote--it does a great job of summing up the purpose of her writing. If there is any way to make the quote stand out on the page a little bit more, I would recommend doing it--I feel it adds a lot to the article.

In the sentence "Colette created a strong woman in her story whose love was not so overpowering that it was blinding or made her weak, maintaining the facade of a strong female leader" I would change "it was blinding" to "it blinded her" just to keep it in active voice. Also, the use of the word "facade" was a little bit confusing here, as "facade" usually implies there in something different underneath it. I think if this is what you are trying to say, you could explain it a little bit more.

I am not sure what kind of research you were able to find on her political career, but if there is any way to expand this section, I would recommend it.

You did an awesome job overall--all of these are super small things--but I think you won't have a problem getting this published!!

13:47, 10 October 2014 (UTC) — Preceding unsigned comment added by Pianoboe105 (talk • contribs)

Peer Evaluation
Hi Lauren! I saw that you made a lot of edits to the minimal information on the existing article, great job on that! I really like your section on Khoury’s writing career because it gives an overview of the major works you mentioned as well as a general overview of what Khoury wrote about. I also thought that by listing Khoury’s works you provide a quick, concise way to find her works in chronological order.

Your writing is very well done throughout the article and I like your use of semicolons to vary sentence structure. I found myself reading the sixth sentence of the Writing Career section a couple of times because it was a little unclear as to what the subject of the work was (the night or the character). Try to reword this sentence to make it clearer. In the last sentence of this section, after the “therefore,” write “she uses” to indicate that she took action to avoid retaliation. Besides a few miscellaneous typos, I found that most of your grammar was correct! This is a great first draft and I hope that you find my evaluation helpful for your second draft.

Richa.d25 (talk) 01:47, 7 October 2014 (UTC)

Peer Evaluation #2
Hi again Lauren! Your article has come a long way from the existing article! Good job on your research! I especially like how much information you found on Khoury’s writing and the way you conveyed it. After reading the Writing Career section, it was clear to me exactly what Khoury’s writing is about. I also really like the quote you included by Khoury because it really clarifies Khoury’s aspiration to write about erotica and love.

The article itself is also written wonderfully! There are only a few instances where you need to fix your tenses or remove unnecessary words. For example, in the first sentence of the Writing Career section, you wrote “Khoury was a pioneer of Arab feminism, and had written angry stories in the 1950s about men and their selfishness.” Instead of writing “had written” write “wrote” to add clarity. Also, in the fourth sentence of the Writing Career section, instead of writing “she used devices such as writing to be able to express herself” take out the “to be able to” and write “she used devices such as writing to express herself.” This makes the sentence clearer. Also, assuming Khoury is still alive, go through your article and make sure there are no past tense verbs that should be in the present tense.

Other than this small issue, your article is set to be submitted! Just don’t forget to add hyperlinks. Good luck with this article and the rest of your portfolio! — Preceding unsigned comment added by 74.90.2.252 (talk) 23:11, 11 October 2014 (UTC)

Peer Eval from Celine
You did a great job improving the article from the previous version and organizing your information in a way that is easy to understand. I would suggest making sure you keep your verb tenses consistent, especially in the writing section. Right now, you switch between present and past tense and I think choosing one or the other would be beneficial. The last sentence of that paragraph caught me off guard--it does not flow from the ideas before it as well as the rest of the paragraph. I would suggest putting that idea right next to the section about the subjects of her stories and then expand on what you mean by devices. If you could include examples, that would be really helpful. Right now, that sentence about avoiding retaliation seems to contradict the idea that she was a pioneer who wrote about topics that were "unspoken of" before hand, so if you could clarify that it would be helpful.

If there is any way to include a little bit more information about her political career (i.e. what she accomplished, important political movements she was a part of) it would be nice addition to the information you already have. I also understand there may not be research published about this because it was fairly recent.

Pianoboe105 (talk) 15:03, 7 October 2014 (UTC)

Writing Career
In the following sentence, there's a verb missing:

"In the story, the protagonist and narrator, Rim, against society and her family, as she tries to develop her personal identity."

67.83.99.134 (talk) 23:52, 4 February 2020 (UTC)corpho