Talk:Connor Brogdon/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk · contribs) 11:29, 6 April 2021 (UTC)

I'll be reviewing this one! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 11:29, 6 April 2021 (UTC)

Lead

 * ” He was meant to be used as a” – “He was originally intended to be a…”
 * Also, you don’t need the comma after pitcher.
 * Don’t need the comma after system.
 * ”and was called” – “and was invited”
 * “He made his MLB debut in August 2020,” – might as well give exact date.
 * ” but honed his skills and pitching velocity in the remainder of the season.” – This is probably true, but it’s not really mentioned in the text, and the lead’s supposed to summarize the article body. Instead, you could say “but pitched better in September” since this is stated in the article.
 * ✅ all. Changed to "improved his performance".  Kncny11  (shoot) 23:45, 6 April 2021 (UTC)

Early life

 * Delink J.J. Santa Cruz, since the page doesn’t have any information about him other than the fact that he’s listed on one of the rosters.
 * In the 2nd paragraph, I think you’re technically supposed to use the mdash for the records (I don’t care myself, but reviewers always give me a hard time when I don’t do that!).
 * ”2.81 ERA” – “a 2.81 ERA”
 * ” dropping from 94 to 96 mph” – “dropping from the mid-90 mph range” – otherwise, readers will initially think his velocity went up from 94 to 96.
 * ✅ all. Wouldn't be me if I didn't miss a few of those dashes.  Kncny11  (shoot) 23:45, 6 April 2021 (UTC)

Minor League System

 * Note that Mills was a first-round draft pick.
 * ”June 26, 2017” – comma after 2017.
 * ” Brogdon pitched to a” – “Brogdon posted a” – more formal
 * Add “a” before “2.34 ERA”.
 * ” but posted only a 1.42 ERA” – “but his ERA was only 1.42”
 * Second-to-last sentence of Minor League System is kind of long. How about put a period after Reading Phillies. Then, make the next sentence, “After only 15 games with Reading, he was promoted to the Triple-A Lehigh Valley IronPigs.”
 * ”and 2.61 ERA” – “and a 2.61 ERA”
 * ✅ all of the above  Kncny11  (shoot) 23:45, 6 April 2021 (UTC)

Philadelphia Phillies

 * ”the MLB” – don’t need the
 * ” On his first pitch, Pedro Severino scored a home run against Brogdon. After giving up a two-run home run to Rio Ruiz, the Phillies pulled Brogdon after only 38 pitches and two outs.” – “On Brogdon’s first pitch, Pedro Severino hit a solo home run. Brogdon then got a couple of outs before surrendering another home run, this one a two-run blast, to Rio Ruiz.  He was then pulled, having thrown 38 pitches in his debut.” – better grammatically.
 * ” in September, recording” – “in September, as he recorded”
 * Mention his first major league win and that he was 1—0.
 * ”called Brogdon” – “called on Brogdon”
 * Put the date of the opener against Atlanta.
 * ✅ all of the above  Kncny11  (shoot) 23:45, 6 April 2021 (UTC)

Pitching style

 * ” of a cutter and slider” – “of a cutter and a slider”
 * On the his focus sentence, could you clarify whether Brogdon said this was his focus or whether someone on the Phillies said this is what he should do? Should probably put the date it was said to—this is something that could change if he has an arm injury.
 * ” his most recent pitch” – “his newest pitch” – way it’s worded now might make people think it was the last one he threw in a game.
 * ✅ all of the above  Kncny11  (shoot) 23:45, 6 April 2021 (UTC)