Talk:Connor Maloney/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Kosack (talk · contribs) 16:38, 5 January 2019 (UTC)

I'll have a look at this one, will post review as soon as possible. Kosack (talk) 16:38, 5 January 2019 (UTC)

Initial review

Infobox

 * What's the source for his full name and height?
 * ✅, full name from his Penn State profile and height from his MLS profile.


 * Judging by the text, his loan spell with Pittsburgh was broken up by a lengthy spell back at Columbus so should this not be displayed as separate loan spells?
 * ✅. The club name did change in between his two loan spells, if you think that should be different just let me know. I also adjusted the related subhead slightly ("Loan" to "Loans").
 * No worries, happy with the alterations. Kosack (talk) 10:43, 7 January 2019 (UTC)

Lead

 * "while playing soccer and football", should that be American football to avoid any confusion? I notice American football is used in the early life section, even linking football to American football would help I think.
 * ✅. Added link to avoid confusion.


 * Link Penn State and Nittany Lions.
 * ✅, linked Penn State to the university and Nittany Lions to the men's soccer team.


 * "earning a nod", does this mean he was nominated for the award? Comes across a bit informal, I would switch to was nominated for the... or something similar.
 * ✅, changed to "being named as". I also changed the tense of the entire sentence a slight bit, might want to double check that it still sounds correct.

Early life

 * "scoring 45 goals with nine hat tricks", I think this could do with rewording slightly, the current wording makes it sound a bit like the nine hat-tricks would make 45. Perhaps "goals, including nine hat-tricks" or something similar?
 * ✅, changed to "45 goals, including nine hat tricks."


 * Link hat-trick.
 * ✅, see above.


 * On a side note, I notice our hat-trick article uses the hyphen for association football. Is it commonly used with or without in American soccer?
 * In American soccer, the common use is "hat trick", without a hyphen (see this article for a quick example.) I've set the link like that, but I'd have no issue adding the hyphen back in.
 * That's fine, just wanted to check it wasn't a typo. Kosack (talk) 10:43, 7 January 2019 (UTC)


 * "debatably setting a state record by scoring 328 points", why was it debatably a record? The source doesn't seem to place any questions over it.
 * In 2017, a kid claimed the record with 320 points (although Wikipedia isn't a source, that is the record we list at PIAA football records.) I couldn't find a source from the state to clarify which one actually holds the record, so I left in the "debatably" for the time being – I'm open to any advice in addressing this.
 * Hmmm, that is very strange. I'm finding sources that support either player so I'm a little confused about what's going on here. I've left a message on the records talk page in the hope of a response. I would suggest using a note, in the style of those used at Fred Colling for example, to say "some sources attribute Connor Raupach with the record with 320 points (+ source)" or along those lines. Just to clarify for any readers. Kosack (talk) 10:43, 7 January 2019 (UTC)
 * ✅, added and sourced a note.

College and amateur

 * "Maloney responded by leading the team in shots, shots on goal, points, and goals", what's points?
 * ✅, removed for simplicity. It's simply goals plus assists, but it's a statistic that rarely appears outside of the United States.


 * "He finished his Penn State career with 27 goals from 75 appearances", the section ends with this unsourced sentence. Is there a general ref that can be added just to confirm the fact?
 * ✅, also sourced through his Penn State profile.

Reading United

 * The ref in this section doesn't appear to support the number of appearances or his minutes played.
 * ✅, added another reference to support the appearances and minutes.

Columbus Crew SC

 * Outside back is an unusual term for the position, I'd suggest linking to the appropriate position page.
 * ✅, linked to Defender (association football).


 * "Maloney would play just one more time on the season", should that be in the season? On the season sounds a bit odd.
 * ✅, changed to "one more time during the season".


 * "cracking the Columbus bench", sounds a bit journalistic. "Was named on" or "appeared on" would seem more appropriate.
 * ✅ and thanks for the catch, that's the journalism student in me coming out. Changed to "being named to the Columbus bench".

Loan to Pittsburgh

 * Last sentence is unsourced.
 * ✅, added reference for Nashville game.