Talk:Crested honey buzzard/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: AryKun (talk · contribs) 13:12, 23 December 2022 (UTC)


 * I haven't even gotten through parsing most of the article, and I'm already leaning very strongly towards failing this on the basis of comprehensiveness, adherence to the MOS, and the prose. The prose in many areas is very clunky and technical and many parts of the MOS aren't being followed. The most pressing issue, however, is the lack of comprehensiveness; although this article can't (and shouldn't) be as in-depth as say BOW, it completely glosses over much important information. This includes info like hybridization, its range, its breeding habits and parental care, taxonomy, systematics history, differences in appearance bw subspecies, diet, predation, parasitism, and threats like hunting and roadkill. Additionally, it also has a fair bit of OR in it I'll give the nominator a week to fix issues I've pointed out so far, but I'm skeptical of whether this can be fixed on that timeframe, since there's dozens of sources that need to at least be read and then perhaps incorporated into the article. AryKun (talk) 14:39, 23 December 2022 (UTC)


 * Will work on fixing the issues. This will be slow owing to the Christmas-New Year period.  I request you to wait until mid-Jan for improvements. Tagooty (talk) 15:39, 23 December 2022 (UTC)
 * Alright, I’m fine with waiting until 15 January. You can ping me when you’ve addresssed the comments raised below. AryKun (talk) 18:31, 23 December 2022 (UTC)

General

 * A minor quibble, but I think the dashes are a bit overused in the text; words I would usually see with out dashes (subspecies) are a bit weird with dashes. Not really an actionable issue though.
 * ✅ --Tagooty (talk) 10:12, 31 December 2022 (UTC)


 * Lots of duplinks (raptor, Java, etc), found using the usual tool.
 * ✅ Thanks for the hint about the very useful duplink tool. --Tagooty (talk) 10:12, 31 December 2022 (UTC)


 * Numbers from one to twelve are written out according to the MOS, unless they're part of a range (like 4–7). This needs to be fixed.
 * ✅ --Tagooty (talk) 10:12, 31 December 2022 (UTC)


 * et al. shouldn't be used as a phrase because its highly technical, perhaps use and colleagues instead.
 * ✅ --Tagooty (talk) 10:12, 31 December 2022 (UTC)

Lead

 * "Pernis ptilorhynchus" Why is it referred to using the scientific name here? It's referred to using the common name elsewhere, and even in scholarly sources like BOW, species are almost always referred to using their common names.
 * " family Accipitridae, which also includes many other diurnal raptors such as kites, eagles, and harriers." is clunky, "in the kite, hawk, and eagle family Accipitridae.", using the IOC common name, would be better.
 * "The size ranges between 57–60 cm (22–24 in) which makes it a medium-sized raptor" poorly phrased, " It is a medium-sized raptor that ranges between 57–60 cm (22–24 in) in length" would be better.
 * " Oriental, Asiatic, or Eastern honey buzzard" Alt common names are usually given in commas right after the title in the first sentence. Also, is "eastern" really supposed to be capitalized (cf. for example eastern imperial eagle)?
 * There is no detail about appearance in the lead; I know that raptor appearances are rather complex to describe relative to each other, but at least a cursory overview should be given.
 * No info about the conservation status of the species or its cultural significance in the lead. Also, the info about breeding is really cursory
 * The lead's structure is really disjunct; information that should be grouped together like appearance and taxonomy is split up, making it hard to parse for info.

Taxonomy

 * "The crested honey...1821." Clunky, overly long phrasing. Usually, you just say "described as (scientific name) on the basis of a specimen collected on (type locality)"
 * "Temminck's later text description" Which description?
 * "Temminck's later...Tableau Méthodique" could probably be combined into one sentence.
 * "for example...chus" excessive detail, you can just say both spellings have been used.
 * "The British Museum...these." I fail to see how this entire paragraph is relevant to the taxonomy of the species; the only useful information this source gives is the synonyms for the species, and a source from 1874 is hardly the best ref we can find for the current synonymy of the species.
 * " Sharpe was...work" Uncited OR
 * Who moved it from Falco to Pernis?
 * Link the authorities in the table.
 * "The crested...Table." Uncited and why is "Table" capitalized?
 * No refs for the ranges of the species in the table; ig it's there in the IOC ref that the top, but should be cited inline regardless.
 * There

Description

 * " may have arisen...larger raptors " Uncited OR; the British Birds article mentions that mimicry could be bidirectional (ie Nisaetus sp. are imitating Pernis), while our article definitively tries to show it as Pernis imitating Nisaetus.

Distribution and habitat

 * This section is very bare-bones and missing a ton of info that shows up on the first and second page of GScholar.
 * Migration doesn't seem to be relate to season per se; it's a breeding visitor to East Asia and Siberia, and year-round otherwise in South and South-east Asia.
 * The occurrence records are incomplete; I can see records from Kenya, Greece, Iraq, Lebanon, and the rest of the MidEast, and a breeding record from Korea among the published information missing. Additionally, it seems to be wintering in Israel longer due to the spread of invasive Apis sp. there.

Behaviour and ecology

 * The diet section could be fleshed out a bit more; the BOW source it links to has lots of detail, such as food fed to fledglings at nest and its use of smell for finding food.
 * Perhaps the adaptations for diet section could be moved up to be right after the diet sections
 * Breeding doesn't mention anything about hybridization, which occurs with European honey buzzard.
 * There's a paper with very detailed information on breeding habits and post-hatching care for the young that can be used.
 * Information about predation on P. ptilorhynchus and parasitism in it can be added; it is the type host of at least the nematode Thelazia skrjabinilina (and this).

Threats and conservation

 * "ensemble...models" Very technical and near incomprehensible to an average reader.
 * ✅ Deleted --Tagooty (talk) 15:03, 21 January 2023 (UTC)


 * There's some information about it being trapped and sold in Indonesia that is relevant.
 * ✅ Added a para --Tagooty (talk) 15:03, 21 January 2023 (UTC)


 * Info on it as roadkill.
 * This article is published in a journal of dubious repute. The content is not credible research. --Tagooty (talk) 15:03, 21 January 2023 (UTC)

Refs

 * Scientific names in the ref titles should be italicized.
 * ✅ --Tagooty (talk) 15:48, 5 January 2023 (UTC)


 * , I've failed the article since there's been no progress on the article in the last few weeks. You can renominate it when you've dealt with the comprehensiveness and sourcing concerns outlined above. AryKun (talk) 06:20, 15 January 2023 (UTC)