Talk:Customer Loyalty (The Office)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Khazar2 (talk · contribs) 03:53, 29 January 2013 (UTC)

I'll be glad to take this one. Review forthcoming tomorrow or the day after. Cheers, -- Khazar2 (talk) 03:53, 29 January 2013 (UTC)

Initial readthrough
Overall this looks good. It appears to be well-sourced, complete in coverage, and neutral in tone. My main concerns are with clearing up a few sentences and giving sufficient context for non-viewers of the show.


 * "accidentally outs" -- rather informal; also, it implies that they're gay. Some more context would definitely be helpful here.
 * "are hitting it off" -- rewrite idiom per WP:WTA
 * "Andy recommended her" -- Nellie or Erin?
 * "Shareholder Meeting" featuring "Recyclops" -- what does this mean? Is Recyclops the name of another episode?
 * "largely positive review" -- occurs two sentences in a row, consider tweaking to avoid the repetition.
 * "showed the stakes behind its characters’ […] in a way it hasn’t since Michael Scott left Scranton." -- this quotation doesn't work grammatically with that apostrophe still in place. Why not just give the full quotation? It's only two words more.
 * "but noted that Krasinksi" -- why "but" here? This doesn't seem to contradict the previous part of the sentence. Also, consider rephrasing "noted" per WP:WTA.
 * "cold opening" -- this phrase comes up several times. Isn't properly "cold open"?
 * Context should be given for the fact that the show is a fake documentary, to explain to readers unfamiliar with it what's going on with Brian.
 * " revealed that this episode would begin to reveal " -- fix repetition of "reveal" -- Khazar2 (talk) 20:20, 29 January 2013 (UTC)

Checklist

 * Thank you for the review. I believe I have addressed all the concerns.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   02:41, 30 January 2013 (UTC)