Talk:Cyclone Giri/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: The Bushranger (talk · contribs) 07:46, 30 December 2011 (UTC)


 * Images are suitable, and appropriately licensed on Commons. (I don't suppose there's any chance of there being any available "aftermath" images to add to the article?)
 * Article meets MOS format standards, has an infobox.
 * References appear to be reliable; inline citations are in appropriate places. (Suggest putting a link to reference [50] rght after the "going to be a sham anyways" comment, just to satisfy any quibblers.)
 * No apparent CP/CV issues, article satisifes the V/N/RS holy trinity
 * Subject is broadly covered without unnecessary diversions from the topic.
 * Article is neutral and stable.
 * Grammar and wordsmithing quibbles:
 * Lede
 * Wikilink depression
 * Done Cyclonebiskit (talk) 13:33, 30 December 2011 (UTC)
 * "...land depression..." - is this standard terminology?
 * It's a term only used by the IMD but I changed it to tropical depression for consistency's sake. Cyclonebiskit (talk) 13:33, 30 December 2011 (UTC)
 * "...since then, focus has shifted..." should this be past tense now?
 * Tweaked the wording Cyclonebiskit (talk) 13:33, 30 December 2011 (UTC)
 * Meterological history
 * "...(IMD) area of low pressure..."; suggest "...(IMD) as an area of low pressure..."
 * Done plus some other changes Cyclonebiskit (talk) 13:33, 30 December 2011 (UTC)
 * "Situated in an area..."; suggest "As the depression was situated in an area..."
 * Done Cyclonebiskit (talk) 13:33, 30 December 2011 (UTC)
 * "...with estimated cloud tops between..."; suggest "...with estimated cloud top temperatures between..."
 * Done Cyclonebiskit (talk) 13:33, 30 December 2011 (UTC)
 * "...the pressure bottoming out at..."; can a less colloquial wording be used here?
 * Tweaked the wording Cyclonebiskit (talk) 13:33, 30 December 2011 (UTC)
 * Preparations
 * "...what Cyclone Nargis did in 2008"; what did Cyclone Nargis do? Perhaps a quick comment on that could be added?
 * Reworded a bit and added a tidbit for Nargis Cyclonebiskit (talk) 13:33, 30 December 2011 (UTC)
 * "...strong buildings and high ground so as to surive the strong winds." Don't think "so as" should be there, and was there any concern about storm surge?
 * Reworded and added storm surge tidbit Cyclonebiskit (talk) 13:41, 30 December 2011 (UTC)
 * Wikilink military junta.
 * Done Cyclonebiskit (talk) 13:41, 30 December 2011 (UTC)
 * Is there a wikilink for storm signal five?
 * Not that I'm aware of. Cyclonebiskit (talk) 13:41, 30 December 2011 (UTC)
 * "...the Met Office asked..."; is this the Bangladesh Meteorological Department? "Met Office" doesn't make that clear.
 * Reworded to remove the "Met Office asked" bit altogether Cyclonebiskit (talk) 13:41, 30 December 2011 (UTC)
 * Impact
 * "...near the Gangawtaw Pagoda in the city..."; what city? Is this still Kyaukphyu?
 * Yup. Changed "the city" to Kyaukphyu to clarify it though. Cyclonebiskit (talk) 13:55, 30 December 2011 (UTC)
 * "...the local Red Cross office..."; should this link to Myanmar Red Cross Society?
 * Added the link Cyclonebiskit (talk) 13:55, 30 December 2011 (UTC)
 * Is it Arakan or Rakhine State? (and should be wikilinked appropriately)
 * It's Rakhine, though like the country itself, it has two commonly used names. Cyclonebiskit (talk) 13:55, 30 December 2011 (UTC)
 * "...in dire need of assistiance..."; is "dire" in the original source? It could be considered hyperbolic.
 * Not sure where that came from...I may have added that a while back but not sure. None of that sentence is in the source so I removed it. Cyclonebiskit (talk) 13:55, 30 December 2011 (UTC)
 * "...the death toll is believed to continue to increase over the following days as bodies continue to be found."; this needs modification I believe, for tense at least.
 * Reworked that sentence a bit. Cyclonebiskit (talk) 13:55, 30 December 2011 (UTC)
 * "...the at least 94 people..."; extra "the"
 * Fixed Cyclonebiskit (talk) 13:55, 30 December 2011 (UTC)
 * Aftermath
 * "...the charity in short order..."; suggest "in short order, the charity..."
 * Done Cyclonebiskit (talk) 14:18, 30 December 2011 (UTC)
 * Wikilink zinc roof sheets
 * Linked Cyclonebiskit (talk) 14:18, 30 December 2011 (UTC)
 * "...rice, oil, salt, and pulses..."; might want to wikilink pulses, since I have no idea what they are.
 * Linked Cyclonebiskit (talk) 14:18, 30 December 2011 (UTC)
 * Wikilink tarpaulin and mosquito net
 * Linked Cyclonebiskit (talk) 14:18, 30 December 2011 (UTC)
 * "...at least six people have died..."; should this be changed to past tense?
 * Changed to past tense Cyclonebiskit (talk) 14:18, 30 December 2011 (UTC)
 * "...the country offered emergency assistiance..."; this looks slightly awkward. Is there a better way to word this?
 * Reworded Cyclonebiskit (talk) 14:18, 30 December 2011 (UTC)
 * What is a field monitor? This is unclear, I think.
 * Removed that bit, it's not important and I can't figure out how to reword it so it's clear who they are. Cyclonebiskit (talk) 14:18, 30 December 2011 (UTC)
 * "...cared for by the Save the Children foundation"; are "the" and "foundation" necessary, or would "...cared for by Save the Children" be OK?
 * Not really...Removed per suggestion. Cyclonebiskit (talk) 14:18, 30 December 2011 (UTC)
 * "...prior to Giri's arrival in the country..."; I have the mental image now of a hurricane waiting at the customs office. ;) Is there a better way to word this?
 * Hahaha. I changed arrival to landfall, does that work better? Cyclonebiskit (talk) 14:18, 30 December 2011 (UTC)
 * "...little attention was given to the ongoing disaster." Should "by the Junta" be added after this to make sure it's clear?
 * Works for me. Added it Cyclonebiskit (talk) 14:18, 30 December 2011 (UTC)
 * "...thousands of survivors continue to suffer..."; should this be past tense now?
 * Yea, added a "d" :P Cyclonebiskit (talk) 14:18, 30 December 2011 (UTC)


 * That looks like a lot, but it's mostly just minor quibbles; this is very close to reaching GA, and just needs a few tweaks. I've placed it so those tweaks can be made. :) - The Bushranger One ping only 08:16, 30 December 2011 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the review Bushranger! I think I got everything. :) Cyclonebiskit (talk) 14:18, 30 December 2011 (UTC)
 * Very nice work! This is lookin' good. ✅. - The Bushranger One ping only 22:42, 30 December 2011 (UTC)