Talk:Dan Cloutier/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer:  Harrias  talk 10:05, 12 July 2011 (UTC)


 * Lead
 * "Cloutier played junior in the Ontario Hockey League (OHL)..." – expand "junior" to "junior hockey" for clarity.
 * "As part of an attempted comeback in 2009, he first signed a tryout with the Detroit Red Wings at the team's training camp, .." – this rings slightly wrong to me: would "As part of an attempted comeback in 2009, he first signed a deal to tryout with the Detroit Red Wings at the team's training camp, .." work better?
 * "He won a gold medal at the 1995 World Junior Championship and was as a fourth-string goaltender at the 2001 IIHF World Championship."

I'll read through the rest later.  Harrias  talk 10:05, 12 July 2011 (UTC)


 * Junior career
 * "He played in 12 games (4 wins and 6 losses).." – This will need explaining: were the other two games tied, or did he not finish the game?

(NTS: Completed review to end of Early career (1996–2001))  Harrias  talk 10:19, 12 July 2011 (UTC)


 * Vancouver Canucks (2001–06)
 * "joining a core of players that included Markus Naslund, Todd Bertuzzi and Ed Jovanovski." – To me, this bit just looks as if it has been tacked on the end of the sentence: it doesn't seem to fit, and isn't expanded upon at all.
 * Made some adjustments and added a reference. Not sure if that addresses the issue though. Let me know. Orlandkurtenbach (talk) 02:32, 13 July 2011 (UTC)


 * Link slapshot.
 * "Cloutier was pulled in the first period of both games.." – "pulled" is a little jargonny I think.
 * Replaced with "taken out of the game". Orlandkurtenbach (talk) 02:32, 13 July 2011 (UTC)


 * "After having ranked with the eighth and final playoff spot in his first two seasons with Vancouver," – this sounds a little clunky: I'm not sure the use of "with" is appropriate. Would .."ranked in the eighth.." work?
 * The fourth paragraph could do with some more references towards the end: after Ref #20 there isn't one until the next paragraph.


 * Personal life
 * "on the same bantam team.." – What is a bantam team? Might be worth explaining.


 * Career statistics
 * These need referencing.


 * Awards
 * Ditto above: references are needed.


 * References
 * Some of the references could do with author details, for example Joe Lapointe wrote Ref 8, Jay Privman Ref 10 etc.

Overall, this is a very well written and comprehensive article: just what I've come to expect from you really! A few nitpicks from me; the referencing issues are the most important, but this is definitely not far off GA status at all. I'll place it on hold to let you work on it.  Harrias  talk 16:17, 12 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Hey, thanks very much for the review! I've gone ahead and done all the necessary revisions. Just let me know if there's anything further you want me to do. Cheers! Orlandkurtenbach (talk) 02:32, 13 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Excellent, I'll pass the article now.  Harrias  talk 06:07, 13 July 2011 (UTC)