Talk:Danganronpa V3: Killing Harmony/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Jaguar (talk · contribs) 21:52, 29 September 2021 (UTC)

Shall give this a go... ♦ jaguar  21:52, 29 September 2021 (UTC)

I'm afraid I must fail this GAN due to the incessant amount of broken English and unencyclopaedic language it contains, particularly in the development and reception sections. I am also concerned that the bulk of the development section derives from a copy and paste job. Please renominate this once it's cleaned up. ♦ jaguar  11:19, 2 October 2021 (UTC)
 * "The player controls Kaede and Shuichi Saihara as the player interacts" - repetition of 'the player', replace the latter part with they interact
 * Reworded to just say interacting. Best Wishes,  Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 13:05, 2 October 2021 (UTC)
 * "New mini-games are also added" - 'minigame' is not hyphenated in the rest of the gameplay section
 * I was actually surprised there wasn't a suitable version, that both are allowed, but I've made them consistent with "minigame".Best Wishes,  Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 13:05, 2 October 2021 (UTC)
 * "V3 is viewed from the point of view of two protagonists" - shouldn't 'V3' be italicised since it's the game's title?
 * I've changed this to Danganronpa V3 V3 is a bit small to cover the title. Best Wishes,  Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 13:05, 2 October 2021 (UTC)
 * " The game features a mascot character, an evil anthropomorphic talking robot bear - Monokuma, along with introducing five more characters - the Monokubs - who serve as the secondary antagonists and are viewed as children by Monokuma" - this sentence is clunky and would benefit from being split in half
 * I have reworked Best Wishes,  Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 13:05, 2 October 2021 (UTC)
 * "The group is abruptly accosted by a series of bear robots" - robotic bears?
 * I've just said "Monokubs", as we introduced them earlier. Best Wishes,  Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 13:05, 2 October 2021 (UTC)
 * "Danganronpa V3 was produced by Yoshinori Terasawa, and planned and written by Kazutaka Kodaka,[12] while the character design is done by Rui Komatsuzaki" - tense disagreement here
 * Fixed. Best Wishes,  Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 13:05, 2 October 2021 (UTC)
 * "Despite the game being set school, it was done on "purpose"" - missing 'in'. And this sentence reads funny, why not just state The game was intentionally designed with a school theme to mirror the first instalment?
 * Yeah, that is better wording. Best Wishes,  Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 13:05, 2 October 2021 (UTC)
 * "The voices are in Japanese and English. Texts are in English, French, Japanese and Chinese." - this sentence could definitely flow better
 * I've gone ahead and removed this. I'm not sure why we are commenting on the game's languages Best Wishes,  Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 13:05, 2 October 2021 (UTC)
 * The second paragraph in the development section reads like a copy and paste and contains unencyclopaedic language along with incorrect/inconsistent tenses.
 * Yeah, I don't really know why I didn't proof read that bit, it was very poor. I've culled most of it as it's not great. Best Wishes,  Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 13:23, 2 October 2021 (UTC)
 * "The game was announced at Sony's Tokyo Game Show presentation in 2015.[24] The game was released for PlayStation 4" - repetition of 'the game' in both sentences
 * Merged sentences Best Wishes,  Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 13:23, 2 October 2021 (UTC)
 * "The games were localized in English and French languages" - redundant
 * Removed Best Wishes,  Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 13:23, 2 October 2021 (UTC)
 * "An enhanced version with the subtitle Anniversary Edition is planned to release for Android and iOS worldwide.[36] Just like the anniversary ports of the previous titles, it features the gallery mode for illustrations and voice lines" - if it is currently planned (not released yet) this should read it will feature, at least until this port is released
 * Yeah, it's still only "planned for 2021 release". I have made the change of tense. Best Wishes,  Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 13:23, 2 October 2021 (UTC)
 * "Julia Lee writing for Polygon criticized the vulgar comments provided by the cast but felt comedy was needed as a result" - by 'cast' does this mean the game's characters or is she referring to the voice acting cast? Would vulgar dialogue seem more fitting? And why is a 'but' in there, shouldn't this be replaced by an 'and'?
 * Yeah, the dialogue. She basically complained that certain characters were very brash and vulgar, but they also brought comedy as a result. I have reworked. Best Wishes,  Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 13:23, 2 October 2021 (UTC)
 * " In regards to the main plot, Lee felt some scenes were moving due to twists provided" - awkward
 * Reworded. Best Wishes,  Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 13:23, 2 October 2021 (UTC)
 * "contained one of the most surprising twists in the entire game as she was moved by what happened to character but refrained from explaining the context" - what?
 * "Its ending attracted divisive comments from fans" - doesn't matter, reception sections are for critics
 * removed Best Wishes,  Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 09:55, 4 October 2021 (UTC)
 * "as it involves the characters being aware of the fact they fictional and the emotional catharsis they have suffered as a result of the series' popularity" - this makes no sense!
 * Reworded to explain a bit better. Best Wishes,  Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 09:55, 4 October 2021 (UTC)
 * "as both present the idea of the main characters knowing the previous cast based on their popularity but the game does it in order to make a commentary about players' demands, and views from fans, most specifically with how the players are accused of being the culprits of the story" - why explain the plot of another game in the reception section?
 * Reworded to explain the comparison. Best Wishes,  Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 09:55, 4 October 2021 (UTC)
 * "As a result, the handling of these characters made Medium feel this was not a realistic game as he felt" - so Medium is a man, rather than Paul Lombardo
 * Agreed. Changed Best Wishes,  Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 09:55, 4 October 2021 (UTC)
 * "making the third game as an more accurate way" - a
 * Changed Best Wishes,  Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 09:55, 4 October 2021 (UTC)
 * " Lee said that while the endings are predictable, the execution of Class Trial are still entertaining" - poor structuring
 * Reworded Best Wishes,  Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 09:55, 4 October 2021 (UTC)
 * "Perez panned the ending it "has a clear message it wants to convey" - broken
 * reworded Best Wishes,  Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 09:55, 4 October 2021 (UTC)
 * "Kemps called the cast as the best part" - broken
 * Reworded Best Wishes,  Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 09:55, 4 October 2021 (UTC)
 * "Polygon praised the diversity of Class Trial, as the constant minigames entertained him" - broken
 * Reworded Best Wishes,  Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 09:55, 4 October 2021 (UTC)
 * "Heidi Kemps for IGN" - for IGN? on behalf of?
 * On behalf of wouldn't be right, as would be a piece Kemps wrote elsewhere representing IGN. I've reworded though. Best Wishes,  Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 09:55, 4 October 2021 (UTC)
 * The references use YMD date format while the prose dates are in MDY. It's probably best to standardise this Japanese-centric article to DMY format for consistency, though this is a minor nitpick
 * Done Best Wishes,  Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 09:55, 4 October 2021 (UTC)
 * Fair enough, I shall make suitable changes and give it a copyedit and renominate. Best Wishes,  Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 12:09, 2 October 2021 (UTC)
 * I'm going to reply to each part of the above to confirm with myself that I have covered them. Best Wishes,  Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 13:05, 2 October 2021 (UTC)