Talk:Dark Chronicle/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Lee Vilenski (talk · contribs) 13:04, 5 March 2018 (UTC)

Hello, I am planning on reviewing this article for GA Status, over the next couple of days. Thank you for nominating the article for GA status. I hope I will learn some new information, and that my feedback is helpful.

If nominators or editors could refrain from updating the particular section that I am updating until it is complete, I would appreciate it to remove a edit conflict. Please address concerns in the section that has been completed above (If I've raised concerns up to references, feel free to comment on things like the lede.)

I generally provide an overview of things I read through the article on a first glance. Then do a thorough sweep of the article after the feedback is addressed. After this, I will present the pass/failure. I will use strikethrough tags when concerns are met. Even if something is obvious why my concern is met, please leave a message as courtesy.

Best of luck! you can also use the ✅ tag to state when something is addressed.  Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 11:18, 21 February 2018 (UTC)

Immediate Failures

 * It is a long way from meeting any one of the six good article criteria - Article isn't a long way away
 * It contains copyright infringements - Copyright test simply saw quotes in reception
 * It has, or needs, cleanup banners that are unquestionably still valid. These include, , or large numbers of , , or similar tags. (See also ). - Article has a  tag, but that is it.
 * It is not stable due to edit warring on the page. - Some evidence of reverting edits, but by no means an edit war

Links

 * External Links check brought up simple redirect issues with site. No problems with links.

Lede

 * First sentence refers to the developers as level-5, this should read Level-5 Inc., as this is the full name.


 * Dates of release should be full dates, if known.


 * Refers to as a 'Spiritual Successor', is this strictly speaking true? It is named Dark Cloud 2, and should really be a regular successor (It's even made by the same producers). If it doesn't have the same narative, it could be stated it isn't a direct sequel, such as with Final Fantasy Tactics Advance


 * Even if this is kept as a spiritual successor. I wouldn't refer to this as having the "same basic game mechanics". Simple is a subjective term. Perhaps that it uses a similar control scheme, or shares similar game mechanics.


 * Players control two main protagonists, Max and Monica, who come from the present and future, respectively. - Wording. Not a great sentence. Would prefer something regarding the game's narrative or similar.


 * They must work together to stop the game's main antagonist, Emperor Griffon, who wishes to destroy the present from deep in the past. - Once again, you can simply remove the first few words from this sentence, simply mentioning "The game's main antagonist, Emperor Griffon, wishes to destroy the present, from deep in the past".


 * The game was met with positive reviews from critics, who praised the improvements over the first game, particularly the graphics and variety of gameplay types available. - "The first game", can't be said here. There is no Dark Chronicle 1.


 * "Some reviewers, however, were critical of the storyline." - Sentence needs expansion. What didn't they like?


 * "In January 2016, an emulated version of the game was made available for the PlayStation 4 through the PlayStation Network." - Should probably mention it's an enhanced version in the lede.

Gameplay
I was going to go through this section bit by bit, but it's in dire need of a copy-edit and re-writing. See below a few bits of this.


 * "in which the player moves through procedurally-generated", change to "where the player".


 * "The player controls two characters for the majority of the game; Max and Monica", what do they do the rest of the time?


 * "Max fights with a wrench as his melee weapon and a gun as his ranged weapon. Monica uses a sword and a magical bracelet.[4] Combat is composed entirely of real time hack and slash." - Switch these sentences around. It should probably mention the type of combat before the weapons used.


 * "Unlike most action role-playing games, instead of the characters leveling up, their weapons do." - Wording. Very informal.


 * Weapons attain "ABS" (absorption points) with each kill - Change position of acronym. They gain absorption points (ABS).


 * " As a weapon levels up, its number of "Synthesis Points" increase, which determine how many "spectrumized" items can be attached to it. Most items in the game can be broken down, or "spectrumized", which turns the item into a "SynthSphere"." having never played the game, I have no idea what these are.

This section needs a thorough copy-edit before I could pass this part of the article. It's very informal, and also feels in-universe. Some of the technical names are never explained as to what they are, or why they are important, other than they make the character more powerful. From what I've seen, the sourcing seems fine, but not the English.

Plot
First, I'd agree this is section is too long. It's very informal, as if written like an WP:ESSAY. Once again, needs a copy-edit and cropping. The article would also need splitting into subsections.


 * "The game begins as a young girl runs to her father's room in a castle. She defeats a group of creatures who attack her, and enters the room to find a man standing over the body of her dead father. The man disappears into a ball of light." - A bit pointless. Doesn't really add much to the synopsis of the plot.


 * "The game cuts to Max (voiced by Megumi Kubota in Japanese and Scott Menville in English)", voice actor credits usually don't need this much information. Simply Max (Megumi Kubota [Japanese]/Scott Menville [English]), as you did later on this section


 * He threatens that if the stone isn't found soon, he will tell the town's people about what is happening in the "outside world". This would cause a panic, as the people of Palm Brinks do not leave the confines of the town. - This should really clarify what he means by the outside world.


 * He also hopes to find his missing mother, who his father has told him is doing "important work far away from here". - Plot summaries generally don't need citations, but quotes generally do.


 * It actually never mentions where this circus is, but it's obvious that it's in Palm Brinks

This is just the first two paragraphs, but having looked through the whole section, it needs work.

Development

 * The site revealed the Georama mode from Dark Cloud would return, but would include more features than had its predecessor. - Not classed as a sequel, so can't have a predecessor.


 * "The site also demonstrated the cel-shaded graphics, and featured pictures of the two protagonists." - You don't really have pictures with graphics. This needs a different word.


 * The article mentions cel-shading 5 times in this section. This would be fine, if it was a paragraph regarding the game's graphics, but it is spread out over the section.


 * "The main characters have a higher polygon count than the supporting characters, and are composed of 2,500 to 3,000 polygons (supporting characters are composed of 1,500 to 2,000)." - Needs a citation


 * "GameSpot's Brad Shoemaker wrote that "Dark Cloud 2's music ranges from good to excellent, and generally there are enough tunes that you won't get too bored of hearing any particular one."[6] IGN's Kaiser Hwang wrote "the music in Dark Cloud 2 ranges from really good, to really really good, to exceptionally good."[4] - Used "wrote" twice, I'd expand this, as it's arguable the best section of the article, as it has information on the game's soundtrack.

There's a few more things in the development section, which would also benefit from a copy-edit.

Reception
Generally, you need to cite every single quote. I see you do this at the end of the paragraph, but it should also be at the end of a sentence that contains a quote.

The reception section is quite good. A few grammatical issues, but nothing that can't be solved with the above.

Notes & References
Referencing seems pretty good

Overview
So, I'm afraid the article is far to far away from being GA standard for me to keep this as pending. I would suggest putting the article for review at WikiProject Guild of Copy Editors for WP:COPYEDIT; and the article will be a lot better for it. It still has some other issues, that I have outlined above, and in particular the plot section needs a complete overhaul, as it is too long, and not encylopedic.

On the plus side, the infobox, lede and reception is very good, and the article is certainly something that may one day become GA or FA, with enough work. Thank you for introducing me to a new game, and please let me know once the article has been copy-edited if there is anything above that needs clarification.  Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:13, 5 March 2018 (UTC)

GA Review

 * GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)


 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):  d (copyvio and plagiarism):
 * See above
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): b (focused):
 * Article is not focused, it experiences a bloated plot section.
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * Might be a bit difficult to confirm if this article will ever be stable, due to the game's multiple name change discussions.
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * Images are of good quality, and backed up.
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:


 * Thank you for your review, At your request, I submitted Dark Cloud 2 for copy-editing, which it has since undergone. I plan on doing a full rewrite of the plot section, using Final Fantasy VII's synopsis section as a reference; the setting and major characters will be introduced in one subsection (as to not bombard the reader with so much establishing info during a plot summary), and the plot will be discussed in the following subsection. There's a great deal of non-essential prose that can be culled, which I hope will go a long way in bringing this article closer to GA status. FlotillaFlotsam (talk) 00:25, 20 March 2018 (UTC)