Talk:Darren Entwistle/Archive 1

Biased?
This kind of reads like an advertisment for TELUS rather than a biography —Preceding unsigned comment added by 206.108.31.36 (talk) 21:48, 17 July 2009 (UTC)

30 years in TELCO?
Kinda tough I'd think considering that would make him 17 when he entered the industry? 207.81.141.208 (talk) 01:29, 22 September 2010 (UTC)

Title Change
As of May 8, 2014, Darren Entwistle will no longer be President and CEO of TELUS. His new title is Executive Chair of TELUS. The opening paragraph of the page should be edited to reflect this change. COI disclosure: I am a TELUS employee. Sources: http://business.financialpost.com/2014/03/31/telus-corp-ceo-darren-entwistle-steps-down-joe-natale-takes-helm/?__lsa=9fde-2c89, http://about.telus.com/community/english/news_centre/news_releases/blog/2014/03/31/telus-announces-leadership-progression

Darren Entwistle's official bio is located here: http://about.telus.com/community/english/investor_relations/corporate_team/executive_team/darren_entwistle Dixxy88 (talk) 20:37, 7 May 2014 (UTC)

External Links Section Update
Lastly, I am looking to update the External Links Section to include the following:

--Saara rahikka (talk) 17:22, 27 April 2018 (UTC)
 * Darren Entwistle’s TELUS biography
 * TELUS Corporation
 * TELUS Health
 * TELUS International

April 27, 2018- 1:22 EST
 * ❌ per WP:ELMINOFFICIAL Chetsford (talk) 21:10, 3 May 2018 (UTC)

Intro Update
Hello! I am on the communications team at TELUS, looking to request some factual changes and to add a new section entirely. To keep things easy, I will post the changes section by section. Starting with the intro.

The current intro reads
Darren Entwistle (born 1962) [1] is a Canadian businessman, president and chief executive officer of TELUS, a Canadian telecommunications company.[2] Entwistle joined TELUS in 2000[3] and shortly after initiated the company’s wireless and data growth strategy with the $6.6 billion purchase of Clearnet, one of the largest acquisitions in Canadian telecommunications history.[4]

I am looking to change it to:

Darren Entwistle (born 1962) [1] is a Canadian businessman, president and chief executive officer of TELUS, a Canadian telecommunications company.[2]

References: 1- Lori Bamber. "On the Line with Darren Entwistle". BCBusiness. 2- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Telecommunications --Saara rahikka (talk) 15:45, 27 April 2018 (UTC)

April 27, 2018- 11:45 EST

I am also looking to update the biography section
I am looking to change the biography section to:

Born in Montreal, Quebec,[5] Entwistle received a Bachelor of Economics (Honours) from Concordia University, an MBA (Finance) from the McGill University Desautels Faculty of Management and a diploma in Network Engineering from the University of Toronto.[6]

References:

5. Elizabeth Lumley (2008). Canadian Who's Who 2008: Volume 43. 6. "McGill University: Darren Entwistle, Governor". Globe and Mail.

--Saara rahikka (talk) 16:01, 27 April 2018 (UTC)

April 27, 2018 - 12:04 EST

I am also looking to make changes to the Career section
I would like to change the Career section to the following:

Entwistle joined TELUS in 2000[3]. He previously spent seven years as an executive at Cable & Wireless in the United Kingdom, where he was named president in 1999. Under Entwistle’s leadership, TELUS has evolved from a regional telephone company serving Western Canada into a national data and wireless leader. Entwistle initiated the company’s wireless and data growth strategy with the $6.6 billion purchase of Clearnet in 2000, one of the largest acquisitions in Canadian telecommunications history.[4] This was followed by numerous acquisitions, including the purchase of Emergis in early 2008, which became the health arm of TELUS, as well as the establishment of TELUS International.

References:

3- "The TELUS Executive Team - About TELUS". about.telus.com. Retrieved 15 October 2017 4- "Telus and Clearnet Merge - The Canadian Encyclopedia". Thecanadianencyclopedia.com. Retrieved 15 October 2017.

--Saara rahikka (talk) 16:23, 27 April 2018 (UTC)

April 27, 2018- 12:22 EST

Community involvement
I am also looking to add an entirely new section to this Wiki page titled: Community Involvement, with the following information included:

In 2005, Entwistle introduced the first of 18 TELUS Community Boards that support local, grassroots charities in Canada and around the world. Entwistle serves on the board of the Gairdner Foundation and is a founding member of the 30% Club Canada. His past directorships include the Board Diversity Council, George Weston Limited, the Business Council of Canada, TD Bank Financial Group, McGill University Board of Governors and the Bell Cablemedia Plc in the United Kingdom.

References added:


 * TELUS Community Boards- https://community.telus.com/how-we-give/community-boards/
 * Gairdner Foundation- https://gairdner.org/about/our-people/
 * 30% Club Canada- https://www.theglobeandmail.com/report-on-business/canadas-30-club-aims-to-boost-proportion-of-women-on-boards-of-directors/article24729058/

--Saara rahikka (talk) 16:56, 27 April 2018 (UTC)

April 27, 2018- 12:56 EST

Professional recognition
I am also looking to update the Professional Recognition Section. There are three entries in bold, which are the new additions. Is it also possible to update all of the dates, and just include the years? As opposed to month and year? Thanks!


 * •	2003 - Awarded the Queen Elizabeth II Golden Jubilee Medal, which recognizes Canadians who have made outstanding and exemplary contributions to the community and Canada as a whole.[10]
 * •	2007 - Honoured by McGill University, Desautels Faculty of Management, with the McGill Management Achievement Award for making significant and valuable contributions to business and the community.[11]
 * •	2008 - Recognized by Investor Relations magazine for Best Investor Relations by a CEO.[12]
 * •	2009 - Received the British Columbia Community Achievement Award for his contribution to philanthropic projects in British Columbia.[13]
 * •	2010: Named an Honorary Fellow of the Royal Conservatory of Music.
 * •	2010 - Named Philanthropy Business Leader of the Year Award by the David Foster Foundation.[14]
 * •	2011 - Named the 30th Recipient of the Canadian Business Leader Award from the Alberta School of Business, University of Alberta. This award recognizes achievements by entrepreneurs, leaders and pioneers of progress in the Canadian business world.[15][16]
 * •	2011 - Honoured with the T. Patrick Boyle Founder's Award from the Fraser Institute for outstanding achievements in entrepreneurship, the promotion of free-markets, and philanthropic support for private sector, non-profit enterprises.[17][18]
 * •	2012 - Received an Honorary Bachelor of Business Administration degree from Northern Alberta Institute of Technology[19][20]
 * •	2012 - Received an honorary doctorate of Laws from Concordia University.[21][22]
 * •	2013 - Received an honorary doctorate of Laws from McGill University.[23]
 * •	2013 - Accepted an honorary doctorate from University of Alberta.[24]
 * •	2016 – Accepted an honorary doctorate from the University of Victoria
 * •	2016 – Named Canada’s Most Admired CEO by Waterstone Human Capital'''

References for bolded/just added recognitions:


 * Royal Conservatory of Music: http://archive.is/MBRVq
 * University of Victoria: https://www.uvic.ca/ceremonies/convocation/traditions/honoraries/index.php#tabs-darren-entwistle
 * Waterstone Human Capital: https://www.uvic.ca/ceremonies/convocation/traditions/honoraries/index.php#tabs-darren-entwistle

--Saara rahikka (talk) 17:14, 27 April 2018 (UTC)

April 27, 2018- 1:15 EST

Reply quote box with inserted reviewer decisions and feedback 03-MAY-2018
Below you will see where text from your request has been quoted with individual advisory messages placed underneath, either accepting, declining or otherwise commenting upon your proposal(s). Please see the enclosed notes for additional information about each request. 0.725em 23:41, 3 May 2018 (UTC)

Requested edits
Hello!! I would like to disclose once again that I work on the Comms team at TELUS. I went back after the feedback received here, made some changes and retrieved new sources.

Updated Changes to Career Section
For the career section, we are looking to change it to:

Career

Entwistle joined TELUS in 2000[3]. He previously spent seven years as an executive at Cable & Wireless in the United Kingdom, where he was named president in 1999. Under Entwistle’s leadership, TELUS has evolved from a regional telephone company serving Western Canada into a national data and wireless business. Entwistle initiated the company’s wireless and data growth strategy with the $6.6 billion purchase of Clearnet in 2000, one of the largest acquisitions in Canadian telecommunications history.[4] This was followed by numerous acquisitions, including the purchase of Emergis in early 2008, which became the health arm of TELUS, as well as the establishment of TELUS International.

Hyperlinked sources used:
 * https://www.theglobeandmail.com/report-on-business/telus-ceo-put-to-a-leadership-test/article575031/
 * https://www.newswire.ca/news-releases/telus-announces-successful-acquisition-of-emergis-535039401.html
 * https://www.telushealth.co/#_ga=2.201112301.291649820.1521754286-1468362401.1521754286
 * http://www.cbc.ca/news/technology/telus-microsoft-hope-canada-will-buy-into-patient-centred-e-health-records-1.778288
 * https://www.theglobeandmail.com/report-on-business/telus-unit-buys-bc-based-electronic-medical-records-company/article17203989/
 * https://www.telusinternational.com/

Cited sources:
 * 3- http://about.telus.com/community/english/investor_relations/corporate_team/executive_team/darren_entwistle
 * 4- http://www.thecanadianencyclopedia.com/index.cfm?PgNm=TCE&Params=M1ARTM0012235

May 28, 2018- 1:36 EST --Saara rahikka (talk) 17:36, 28 May 2018 (UTC)

Updated Changes to Community Involvement
I have also made changes to the Community Involvement section, as per your feedback, that we would like added.

New section: Community involvement

In 2005, under the leadership of Entwistle, TELUS introduced the first of 18 TELUS Community Boards that support local, grassroots charities in Canada and around the world. Entwistle serves on the board of the Gairdner Foundation and is a founding member of the 30% Club Canada. His past directorships include the Board Diversity Council, George Weston Limited, the Business Council of Canada, TD Bank Financial Group and McGill University Board of Governors.

Hyperlinked sources used:
 * https://www.newswire.ca/news-releases/telus-announces-telus-atlantic-canada-community-board-welcomes-general-rick-hillier-as-chair-536523081.html
 * https://gairdner.org/about/our-people/
 * https://www.theglobeandmail.com/report-on-business/canadas-30-club-aims-to-boost-proportion-of-women-on-boards-of-directors/article24729058/
 * http://cata.ca/Media_and_Events/Press_Releases/cata_pr04241301.html
 * https://www.newswire.ca/news-releases/george-weston-limited-announces-election-of-directors-517709621.html
 * http://thebusinesscouncil.ca/annual-report/2014/index_en.html
 * http://www.globeportfolio.ca/servlet/AppNoticeArticleHTMLTemplate?tf=GlobeInvestor/AppNotices/DisplayNotice.html&cf=GlobeInvestor/AppNotices/config-neutral.cfg&slug=Entwistle&date=20020115

May 28, 2018- 1:42 EST --Saara rahikka (talk) 17:42, 28 May 2018 (UTC)

Updated Changes to Recognition Section
For this section, I have found updated sources in order to add the following bullets in the recognition section.


 * 2010: Named an Honorary Fellow of the Royal Conservatory of Music.
 * 2016 – Accepted an honorary doctorate from the University of Victoria
 * 2016 – Named Canada’s Most Admired CEO by Waterstone Human Capital

Hyperlinked sources used:
 * http://archive.is/MBRVq
 * https://www.uvic.ca/ceremonies/convocation/traditions/honoraries/index.php#tabs-darren-entwistle
 * https://waterstonehc.com/cma/how-it-works/canadas-most-admired-ceo/ (this link highlights how the nomination and selection process works)
 * https://www.waterstonehc.com/canadasmostadmired.com/most-admired-ceo.html

May 28, 2018- 1:50 EST --Saara rahikka (talk) 17:51, 28 May 2018 (UTC)

Reply 28-MAY-2018
The changes you have requested are not formatted correctly. References placed within the text ought to comport with whichever citation style is already in use in an article. You have placed external links in the text where each reference is to be used, however, external links in the article are not allowed without the concomitant use of plain tags, and the plain ref tag system of citations is not used with the Darren Entwistle article. Please format your request to include references using the citation style already in use. Assistance with this task can be found here. Regards,  .  spinten do    23:41, 28 May 2018 (UTC)

Career, Community Involvement, Recognition Section Update - with proper Citing
Hello again! I have implemented the proper citations to the following changes we would like to make to the career section. I have also included the Community Involvement section, with proper citing, which we would like added. As well as the new addition we would like added to the Recognition section.

Career

Entwistle joined TELUS in 2000. He previously spent seven years as an executive at Cable & Wireless in the United Kingdom, where he was named president in 1999. Under Entwistle’s leadership, TELUS has evolved from a regional telephone company serving Western Canada into a national data and wireless business. Entwistle initiated the company’s wireless and data growth strategy with the $6.6 billion purchase of Clearnet in 2000, one of the largest acquisitions in Canadian telecommunications history. This was followed by numerous acquisitions, including the purchase of Emergis in early 2008, which became the health arm  of TELUS, as well as the establishment of TELUS International.

Community Involvement

In 2005, under the leadership of Entwistle, TELUS introduced the first of 18 TELUS Community Boards that support local, grassroots charities in Canada and around the world. Entwistle serves on the board of the Gairdner Foundation and is a founding member of the 30% Club Canada. His past directorships include the Board Diversity Council, George Weston Limited , the Business Council of Canada , TD Bank Financial Group and McGill University Board of Governors.

Professional recognition


 * 2016 – Named Canada’s Most Admired CEO by Waterstone Human Capital.

May 29, 2018- 5:20 EST --Saara rahikka (talk) 21:21, 29 May 2018 (UTC)

Reply quote box with inserted reviewer decisions and feedback 29-MAY-2018
Below you will see where text from your request has been quoted with individual advisory messages placed underneath, either accepting, declining or otherwise commenting upon your proposal(s). Please see the enclosed notes for additional information about each request. Also note areas where additional clarification was requested. When this is ready to be provided to the reviewer, please open a new edit request. Thank you!  .  spinten do    01:32, 30 May 2018 (UTC)

Updated Citations for Into/Career Section
Hello! Want to disclose one more time, that I am on the communications team at TELUS. I have went back to the team and have come back with updated citations and have to decided to remove the proposed Community Involvement section all together. Below are some changes we are hoping can be implemented.

The intro paragraph currently reads:

Darren Entwistle (born 1962) [1] is a Canadian businessman, president and chief executive officer of TELUS, a Canadian telecommunications company.[2] Entwistle joined TELUS in 2000[3] and shortly after initiated the company’s wireless and data growth strategy with the $6.6 billion purchase of Clearnet, one of the largest acquisitions in Canadian telecommunications history.[4]

We are looking to change it to:

Darren Entwistle (born 1962) is a Canadian businessman, president and chief executive officer of TELUS, a Canadian telecommunications company.

Below is the updated Career Section with updated sources.

Career Section:

Entwistle joined TELUS in 2000. Previously he was an executive at Cable & Wireless in the United Kingdom, where he was named president in 1999.

Under Entwistle’s leadership, TELUS has evolved from a regional telephone company serving Western Canada into a national data and wireless business. Entwistle initiated the $6.6 billion purchase of Clearnet in 2000, one of the largest acquisitions in Canadian telecommunications history. This was followed by numerous acquisitions, including the purchase of Emergis in early 2008, which became the health arm of TELUS, as well as the establishment of TELUS International.

**note I cannot get the hyperlink for Cable & Wireless (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cable_%26_Wireless_plc) to embed as an internal link, it's telling me the page does not exist

June 13, 2018- 11:43 a.m. EST --Saara rahikka (talk) 15:43, 13 June 2018 (UTC)

Reply quote box with inserted reviewer decisions and feedback 13-JUN-2018
Below you will see where text from your request has been quoted with individual advisory messages placed underneath, either accepting, declining or otherwise commenting upon your proposal(s). Please see the enclosed notes for additional information about each request.  spintendo   17:43, 13 June 2018 (UTC)

Career Section Update
Hello! Disclosing once more that I work on the communications team at TELUS. Went back and tweaked the remaining two parts that we are looking to have approved for the Career section.

The $6.6 billion purchase of Clearnet in 2000, was one of the biggest acquisitions in Canadian telecommunications history and contributed to the national expansion. With the acquisition of Emergis in 2008, TELUS moved towards making digital patient information more accessible to them and their providers. This focus was embedded in TELUS’ health solutions division.

June 20, 2018 - 4:16 p.m. EST --Saara rahikka (talk) 20:17, 20 June 2018 (UTC)

✅  spintendo   22:53, 20 June 2018 (UTC)

Career Section Update
Hello!

Wanted to disclose one more time that I am on the communications team at TELUS. Thanks so much for implementing/ approving the changes. In regards to the career section, is it possible to remove the following from the section? We are looking to remove this portion and keep the remaining updated part.

"Entwistle has spent 30 years in the telecommunications industry.[10] Entwistle is on a number of boards, including the Canadian Council of Chief Executives, George Weston Limited and the Canadian Board Diversity Council. He has also sat on the boards of TD Bank Financial Group, the Vancouver Symphony Orchestra, and the Leading Edge Endowment Fund. Darren also served as Chair of the Royal Conservatory of Music’s Capital Campaign and was a Director for the 2010 Winter Olympic Games bid committee.[11]"

3:02 p.m. EST

--Saara rahikka (talk) 19:02, 21 June 2018 (UTC)

✅ Because the remaining sections were shorter, I altered the headings to more closely describe what was in them. Under professional recognition I changed this to Community recognition. This was done simply because I thought the headings looked better having them more concise in their descriptions, but if the COI editor would like them back under the previous three headings, please let me know and I will change them back. Thank you!  spintendo   21:21, 21 June 2018 (UTC)

Looking to Remove Template Messages
Hello! Wanted to disclose once again that I work on the Communications team at TELUS. Thanks so much for implementing all the changese. I was just wondering if it's possible to remove the template messages at the top of the Wiki page. The template messages read:

'''This article has multiple issues. Please help improve it or discuss these issues on the talk page. (Learn how and when to remove these template messages)'''

'''A major contributor to this article appears to have a close connection with its subject. (October 2017)'''

'''This biography of a living person relies too much on references to primary sources. (October 2017) '''

Thanks!

June 26, 2018- 1:15 p.m. EST

--Saara rahikka (talk) 17:15, 26 June 2018 (UTC)


 * It would be best to first speak with the editor who added those templates, in this case, to determine from them whether they believe that the templates may be removed.  spintendo   21:29, 26 June 2018 (UTC)


 * Firstly, have editors here read and followed the instructions at WP:COI and WP:DISCLOSE? i.e. Saara rahikka have you? Do you have any connection with the other accounts/editors listed at the top of this page that didn't disclose? Also, if you are paid to edit, you must additionally abide by WP:PAID as a legal requirement to edit here. Are you paid, and have you disclosed per that? As for the article, it reads promotional, and basics like birthdate aren't sourced, but I see much COI activity and overuse of primary sources and lacking third party independent sources. So no, I see a typical COI ask to remove maintenance templates that are justified with no plan to address those issues. I see you are a WP:SPA editor too, you may be best served to gain experience editing other articles rather than this one you are conflicted over. Widefox ; talk 21:47, 26 June 2018 (UTC)