Talk:David Berman (musician)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Artem.G (talk · contribs) 20:05, 5 July 2021 (UTC)

Hey, I will be reviewing this article. Please expect comments in the next few days. Artem.G (talk) 20:05, 5 July 2021 (UTC)

Questions/comments

 * He then undertook rehab, engaged with Judaism and embarked on the band's first tour with his then-wife, Cassie Berman. - he was married once, do we need this 'then-wife'?
 * Adopting a new band name, Purple Mountains, he released an eponymous debut album, that July. - sounds clumpsy. Maybe "Berman adopted a new band name, Purple Mountains, and released an eponymous debut album in July." would be better?
 * He died by suicide in August. - why not 'committed'?
 * Nationality	American - he was born in US and died in US, seems to be no doubt that he was American. i generally oppose using 'Nationality' if the person was born and spent his/her entire life in the same country.
 * In 1989, they adopted the moniker Silver Jews, recording discordant tapes in their living room.[10][2] - refs should be swapped.
 * Berman remaining the only constant; its principal songwriter and "main creative driver".[3][13][5] - same
 * Working in this environment influenced him artistically.[10] - how influenced?
 * Removed - it seemed to a remnant from an earlier draft, either way it's place was tenuous. DMT biscuit (talk) 10:46, 6 July 2021 (UTC)
 * On the band's early recordings, Malkmus and Nastanovich used aliases.[11] - what aliases did they use?
 * The source only lists Malkmus' - do you think it should be mentioned either way or left as is?
 * Only if you think that it's important. It seems to be a minor detail, maybe it can be moved to a note?
 * By October 1994, the 'Jews had enough material for their debut, - should probably be 'Jews'?
 * was affected by the death of various friends of his - deaths?
 * on the composition of "The Natural Bridge" in and After The Natural Bridge, Berman decided that he wanted Malkmus and  - inconsistent usage of "", or maybe I'm missing something?
 * That same year, his friend Robert Bingham, who died of a heroin overdose.[31]  - should it be That same year his friend Robert Bingham died of a heroin overdose.[31]?
 * which made him "a daily pot smoker." to  - redundant period.
 * In 2005, Berman worked alongside, his friend,[34] no need for a comma before 'his friend'
 * He also revealed that HBO - HBO can be wikilinked, as well as Reddit
 * Berman worked with, German artist,  - redundant comma.
 *  "There were probably 100 nights over the last 10 years where I was sure I wouldn't make it to the morning".[51][43] - ref order
 * Yonatan Gat, Dan Auerbach, Jumbotron can be wikilinked
 * Purple Mountains was worked on with Woods and, personal friend, Dan Auerbach.[28] - personal is redundant here
 * as an embrace and "entire panorma" of - panorama
 * Associated Press's Mark Kennedy, and Kornhaber and noted the influence of Berman's lyrical style and manner of delivery - sounds clumsy
 * which saw Berman's musical approach simplified and the band move further towards a country sound.[7][26][4] ,  Berman understood his musical abilities were limited.[7][6][17], his register, baritone.[13][7][84][31] , and themes of Americana, absurdism, and everyday melancholy.[86][83][46] , as he found poetry offered too much freedom.[17][15] It was, ultimately, his music for which he was more known for; fans and critics similarly complimentary.[88][47] - ref order
 *  he and Cassie's performances were often symbiotic; - his?
 * caption 'Cassie and Berman in 2008' - maybe it would be better 'Cassie and David', they were both Berman
 * Notes can be moved from this level === Notes ===, so it wouldn't appear as part of Bibliography.

In my opinion, this article is very close to GA. I will look through the refs next, but I see no major problems right now. Artem.G (talk) 05:58, 6 July 2021 (UTC)
 * Issues have been resolved; there's albeit one point of inquiry. DMT biscuit (talk) 11:49, 6 July 2021 (UTC)
 * Thanks for quick response! Artem.G (talk) 16:17, 6 July 2021 (UTC)

Refs

 * ref 4, https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2019/12/23/magazine/david-berman-death.html,%20https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2019/12/23/magazine/david-berman-death.html - page not found
 * I fixed it, it was easy, I didn't realize it somehow :) Artem.G (talk) 16:21, 6 July 2021 (UTC)


 * refs 32 and 81 are the same (Sackllah, David (August 8, 2019). "Remembering David Berman, An Artist Who Often Approached Perfection")


 * I've checked 20 or 30 refs, and everything seems to be ok. The sources are reliable, and I saw nothing wrong, all quotations are appropriate and valid.
 * So, please remove duplicated link, and maybe do something with that sentence about aliases (though it's up to you, it would be fine either way), and I think I'll pass the article as a GA. Artem.G (talk) 16:17, 6 July 2021 (UTC)
 * Issues resolved. Thanks for the thorough review. DMT biscuit (talk) 16:38, 6 July 2021 (UTC)
 * Thanks for your work, it's GA now! Artem.G (talk) 16:59, 6 July 2021 (UTC)

Question
From the lead " and undertook the band's first tour with his wife, Cassie Berman." The bands first tour, or their first tour with his wife. Also the word "undertook" is a press release cliché (same for 'embarked' etc), can we avoid pls. Ceoil (talk) 11:10, 21 August 2021 (UTC)
 * Fixed; it was the band's first tour - which happened to feature Cassie. Simple comma seemed to have been the remedy. Dang, Dangling modifier. DMT Biscuit (talk) 14:19, 21 August 2021 (UTC)