Talk:David Lucas (composer)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Rp0211  ( talk2me ) 23:05, 10 August 2011 (UTC)


 * Infobox
 * No reference in article to validate birth date


 * Lead
 * Add years in brackets in subsections to make it act as a timeline
 * No reference in article to validate birth name being "David Helfman"
 * Specify full birth date; city of birth not necessary
 * "American" does not need to be wiki-linked per WP:OVERLINK
 * He has written a number of well-known commercial jingles, such as AT&T's "Reach out and touch someone",[1]... – Reference not needed in lead; info should be in article
 * ...and been recognized multiple times by the Clio Awards. – Reword phrase
 * In 1981, he received a Clio for composing the music to Pepsi's "Catch that Pepsi spirit".[2] – Reference not needed in lead if info is in article
 * ...with many new artists such as the early Blue Öyster Cult. – Use of "early" may confuse readers; reword phrase
 * ...skit on Saturday Night Live.[3] – Reference not needed in lead
 * In June 2011, Lucas was inducted into Buffalo's Music Hall of Fame.[4] – Source not necessary in lead
 * All of the above issues have been fixed. --Elonka 02:45, 11 August 2011 (UTC)
 * Biography
 * Please include official birth date, name, and location of birth
 * ...as both of his parents Eileen Russell and Daniel Helfman were singers and performers. – Needs source to validate information
 * Removed. --Elonka 02:45, 11 August 2011 (UTC)
 * He attended Bennett High School in Buffalo, where he sang in the choir,[6] and then Miami Beach Senior High School, graduating in 1955.[7] – Specify year he left first high school for next one
 * Unfortunately, the source does not provide the year. --Elonka 02:45, 11 August 2011 (UTC)
 * (followup) I contacted the subject directly to ask about the high school information, and he provided the years in an email (attended one high school from 1950–1951, then transferred to the other school). I have added the information to the article, though it is of course unverifiable via published sources.  Personally, I could go either way on this, per WP:AUTO, since I see schooling information as the kind of thing that's usually fairly innocuous, and okay to include simply on the subject's say-so.  But if other editors disagree, any unsourced information can of course be removed. --Elonka 15:16, 13 August 2011 (UTC)
 * At the age of 19... – Change "19" to "nineteen"
 * ...choosing artists such as the young Paul Anka, Frankie Avalon, Sam Cooke, and The Everly Brothers, and encouraging local DJs to play their music. – No source
 * He continued with record promotion until he was drafted into the United States Army, after which he moved to Miami Beach, where he was a social director and performer at the Attache Hotel. – No source
 * He made ends meet by selling vacuum cleaners during the day, and attending night school to learn about mutual funds. – No source
 * ...and joined him for a world tour, after which Lucas moved to Los Angeles, where he worked as a songwriter and producer. – No source
 * In Las Vegas, he sang at the Sahara Hotel, where he was noticed by popular singer Doris Day, who was impressed, and signed Lucas to her record label, Arwin Records. – No source
 * ...who in 1966 was killed in an auto accident. – "...who, in 1966, was killed in an auto accident."
 * With the exception of the noted items above, all others have been addressed. --Elonka 02:45, 11 August 2011 (UTC)

Jingle writer
 * Also in the 1960s... – Get rid of "Also"
 * ...such as for Macleans Toothpaste... – Awkward phrasing
 * ...which led to an offer to write a song for National Airlines. – No source
 * Second paragraph has many consecutive sentences beginning with "In this year"; edit this prose
 * Earlier, while producing for a group called Think Dog, Lucas had met Tom McFaul, the group's lead singer, pianist, and composer. – No source
 * McFaul became a staff composer at David Lucas Associates in 1971. – No source
 * Situated in an old spice warehouse, they called it the Warehouse Recording Studio, and it hosted such artists as Paul McCartney... – Fix awkward phrasing
 * ...who used their studio to cut one of his albums.[9][20] – Specify album and year it was released in brackets
 * All of the above have been addressed, except for the last one, since the sources do not provide that information. --Elonka 02:45, 11 August 2011 (UTC)

Blue Öyster Cult
 * ...for the new band... – Reword phrasing
 * "Reaper" became a huge hit, and is listed at #405 on the Rolling Stones list... – Add (') between "Rolling Stone" and "s"; use "number" instead of "#"
 * This choice became legendary when it was parodied by Christopher Walken in Saturday Night Live on April 8, 2000. – No source
 * All of the above have been addressed. --Elonka 02:45, 11 August 2011 (UTC)

Current projects
 * Specify details in chronological order
 * In 1998, Lucas sold the Warehouse (now owned by Wyclef Jean) and moved back to Miami where he built a studio and is continuing to write songs and jingles. – No source
 * In 2010, Lucas co-wrote a song with his son Jason Lucas, which was sung by actress Kyra Sedgwick for The Miracle Project of Hollywood to benefit autism. – Specify song title
 * Lisa Lucas, a well-known and award-nominated child actress in the 1970s, played "Addie Mills" in several CBS holiday specials, and became a journalist as an adult. – No source
 * Prose modified, and sources added. --Elonka 02:45, 11 August 2011 (UTC)


 * Awards
 * Combine all sentences in one paragraph
 * Done. --Elonka 02:45, 11 August 2011 (UTC)


 * Jingles
 * According to WP:EMBED, "In an article, significant items should normally be mentioned naturally within the text rather than merely listed." Put this information into a prose.
 * Done. --Elonka 02:45, 11 August 2011 (UTC)
 * References
 * Reference 1 – Publisher is needed.
 * Sorry, I looked and couldn't find the problem here? The work was TIME magazine. --Elonka 02:45, 11 August 2011 (UTC)
 * Reference 2 – Since "Radio" is a magazine, it should be in the "work=" parameter and should also be italicized
 * Done. --Elonka 02:45, 11 August 2011 (UTC)
 * References 3, 7, 19, 20, 21 – Link article to website
 * Not sure what is needed here? The articles were not web articles, but were located in library archives. --Elonka 02:45, 11 August 2011 (UTC)
 * Reference 4 – "Text and video clip" not needed
 * Done. --Elonka 02:45, 11 August 2011 (UTC)
 * Reference 5 – "Press release" not needed
 * Done. --Elonka 02:45, 11 August 2011 (UTC)
 * Reference 6 – How can a video be in a magazine?
 * PM Magazine was the name of television news program. --Elonka 02:45, 11 August 2011 (UTC)
 * References 10, 11, 12, 17, 28, 34, 35 – Not sure if these are a reliable sources
 * Agreed, but I don't believe that they are sourcing anything controversial, so they were included as primary sources. Are there any in particular that you have concerns about? --Elonka 02:45, 11 August 2011 (UTC)
 * Reference 27 – "Rolling Stone" is a magazine and should be italicized
 * Done. --Elonka 02:45, 11 August 2011 (UTC)
 * Reference 36 – Wiki-link publisher ReverbNation.com
 * Good catch! Done. --Elonka 02:45, 11 August 2011 (UTC)

Overall review
After thoroughly reviewing this article, I have found many issues keeping this article from good article status. There are several minor prose issues, which can be fixed easily. However, there are several areas in this article where there are not sources to validate this information, violating WP:VERIFY and WP:NOR. To put an article on hold, I usually give the nominator seven days to fix these issues. With the magnitude of the issues I have found, I have decided in good faith and to the best of my knowledge to fail the article at this time because I do not believe all of these issues can be fixed within the general seven days. Once you have addressed all of these issues, you are welcome to renominate this article again. Rp0211 ( talk2me ) 00:40, 11 August 2011 (UTC)
 * I very much appreciate the time that you took to review the article, and your detailed comments. I have addressed most of them, and have a very few questions on a couple items (listed above).  Thanks again, --Elonka 02:45, 11 August 2011 (UTC)

Follow-up
Hey, Elonka. I want to apologize for any inconvenience in this nomination process that has occurred and want to let you know that I was acting in good faith when deciding the outcome of this nomination initially. I am now going to look over these issues again to make sure everything meets good article status. Rp0211 ( talk2me ) 03:25, 11 August 2011 (UTC)

Issues as of 05:20, 11 August 2011 (UTC)
 * Infobox -> I could not find a source in this article to validate his date of birth.
 * Lead -> "Reach out and touch someone" can be wiki-linked to N. W. Ayer & Son to appear as "Reach out and touch someone"
 * Lead -> "Catch that Pepsi Spirit" can be wiki-linked to Pepsi to appear as "Catch that Pepsi spirit"
 * References -> For Billboard articles, you can use Google Books to find actual articles from the issues

Despite these issues, the article is a very good article that is close to reaching good article status. Good job on fixing the issues I presented earlier. Rp0211 ( talk2me ) 05:20, 11 August 2011 (UTC)
 * Thank you again for your assistance with this. I have addressed the changes in the lead (nice finds!), and added a few URLs to Billboard articles.  Regarding the birthday, this was something that was provided by the subject himself, when I contacted him for photos.  Per WP:AUTO, it is my understanding that individuals who are the subjects of articles are allowed to provide certain basic information such as about their birth, employment status, current residence, etc., as long as it is not unduly self-serving, nor contradicted by other published sources. I have found nothing that contradicts the date, so felt it was better to include it on the subject's say-so, rather than have an article with "year of birth unknown". In any case, it's moot now, as the subject sent a copy of his driver's license to the WMF, who have confirmed the DOB on the talkpage.  So, there we go!  :) --Elonka 16:59, 13 August 2011 (UTC)
 * Good find on verifying his date of birth. Since all of the issues have been addressed, I feel confident passing this article into good article status. Congratulations and keep up the good work! Rp0211  ( talk2me ) 18:17, 13 August 2011 (UTC)