Talk:Dayton Moore/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: MWright96 (talk · contribs) 13:35, 30 March 2020 (UTC)

Going to review this article. MWright96 (talk) 13:35, 30 March 2020 (UTC)
 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): b (focused):
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * Pass/Fail:

Infobox

 * Don't think the year of Moore's graduation from George Mason is needed in the infobox
 * Removed

Lead

 * "Dayton Moore (born February 17, 1967) is the general manager of the Kansas City Royals." - there's some information that I feel is missing from this portion of text such as Moore's nationality and that he is a baseball executive
 * Added
 * "Moore's began his baseball career" - {{xt|Moore's baseball career began}
 * Done
 * "Moore originally served in scouting department" - can be worded to say in the, in its or in the team's
 * Done

Early life

 * "Moore was born on February 17, 1969" - Baseball Reference and the infobox state Moore was born in 1967 not 1969
 * Fixed, likely typo
 * "Moore claims to have watched the 1985 World Series in Kansas City from I-70." - Interstate 70 for non-American and baseball readers
 * Done
 * Wikilink undergraduate degree and master's degree
 * Done
 * "Moore received a master's degree in Athletic Administration from George Mason in 1992, and served as an assistant baseball coach at George Mason" - the close repetition of the university's name should be avoided
 * Fixed

Career

 * "before his promotion in 2002 to director of player personnel development." - this can be written as either before his 2002 promotion to director of personnel development or before his promotion to director of player personnel in 2002
 * Used the first option
 * "The Kansas City Royals offered Moore a job as the team's general manager, and Moore took the job" - offered Moore employment
 * Done
 * "saying "I think the player has earned the opportunity to play professional baseball." [16]" - the space after the quote and the reference is not needed
 * Removed
 * "also help set the stage for the Royals' two World Series teams" - I believe there is a more formal way of wording the text in bold but cannot conjure it up
 * Changed to "provided important pieces for the Royals' two World Series teams", is that better?
 * I accept the revision. MWright96 (talk) 19:57, 30 March 2020 (UTC)
 * "After the Royals' World Series win, Moore signed another contract extension to remain with the Royals longer." - the team for longer.
 * Done

Personal life

 * The word Christian doesn't need to be linked per MOS:OVERLINK
 * Removed links
 * "Moore is also the author of the book "More Than a Season", which describes Moore's efforts " - repetition of the word Moore('s)
 * Used his in the second instance