Talk:Declan Costello/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: KJP1 (talk · contribs) 12:31, 9 April 2023 (UTC)

Pleased to pick this up, and sorry for the very long wait. I reckon it’ll take me around 2 days, and I’ll probably work in batches. You can respond to the comments as I go, or wait till I’m done, when I will ping you. Regards. KJP1 (talk) 12:31, 9 April 2023 (UTC)


 * General
 * Prose - There are a number of instances where the prose needs a tweak. Where these are minor, I propose to make these myself. Where they're more significant, I'll flag them here. Let me know if you're not ok with this approach.


 * Lead
 * Length - this may be a little short at two para.s but let's go through the review, see if there are any major points uncovered, and come back to it at the end.
 * "The formulator of the Towards a Just Society policy document" - two things here. "formulator" seems a slightly odd word in this context. Was he the author/main author/editor/originator? "policy document", perhaps manifesto, the term you use later?
 * "shifting Fine Gael towards the left" - bluelink left?


 * Background
 * Title - I think something like, Early life may better suit?
 * Kings Inn - is this actually Kings Inns? It is in our main article.
 * "leave him in relative frail health and appearance for the rest of his life" - "relatively"?
 * Due to a relapse of his condition in 1947 that forced him to once again return to Switzerland" - is the "once again" serving any useful purpose?


 * Becoming a TD and early social influences
 * Quotebox - you've quotation marks at the end of the quote, but not at the beginning. The latter is right, according to MoS.
 * "The following years would significantly influence Costello's political views" - a very experienced FA editor would, and does, upbraid me when I use the word "significantly", demanding to know what it signified. Perhaps some thing like, "The following years would have a major influence on ...."
 * "children with special needs quickly became an area of special concern for Costello" - I'd drop the second "special", or replace it with something else, to avoid repetition.
 * "the daycare centre becoming known as an official school in 1960" - was it just "known" as an official school, or was it actually one?


 * Stepping out of his father's shadow
 * Citations - This is the first of a number of sections where the para.s only have citations at the end. This is fine, as long as the cite supports the entire para., but I tend to scatter them a little more liberally, particularly for anything contentious, or for a quote (see below).
 * "Minister for Finance Gerard Sweetman" - "Gerald Sweetman, the Minister for Finance," just a preference?
 * "favouring the inclusion of “Communist China” as part of the UN" - why is "Communist China" in quotes (see my comment below re. Earwig)?
 * "Fine Gael move politically leftward in order to broaden its image" - was he really trying to broaden its "image", rather than its appeal?
 * "and thought that they were against complex making of policies and the voicing of personal differences in public" - here I am struggling with the meaning. So, the "they" are Costello's opponents in the party. What does their being against "complex making of policy" mean? Is it that they opposed complex policies, or that they opposed a complicated policy-making process? Similarly, I'm unsure about "the voicing of personal differences in public". The source says "found their colleagues averse to detailed policy-making and the public airing of internal differences". (As an aside, this is another area where the paraphrasing is a little close.) I read this as saying something like; "Costello and his allies considered their opponents to be unresponsive to new ideas, incapable of complex policy-making, and overly sensitive to any public discussion of policy disagreements". Anyways, it definitely needs a re-cast.
 * "longstanding member James Dillon took control of the leadership of the party" - I think "longstanding member" is definitely a false title, and I prefer the shortened, "became leader" to "took control of the leadership".
 * "slipping away" - "further reduced"?


 * The Just Society
 * "Unable to outright repudiate Costello's ideas" - perhaps "Unable to repudiate Costello's ideas outright"
 * "However, in March 1965 the party was shocked by the development that Fianna Fáil were seeking to hold a general election" - this is a little breathless; perhaps "wrong-footed by Fianna Fail's decision to call a general election", or some such.
 * "it called for production objectives in the private-sector, earnings and credit from banks to be controlled, no discrimination of women's wages, industrial school reformation, lower use of indirect taxes, free near-universal health care with the decision of what doctor to have, and an educational system that permits moving to university despite being wealthy or not." - This is another instance where a recasting is needed. The order, and much of the wording, is very similar to the source. That says; "It called for private-sector production targets, controls on incomes and bank credit, equal pay for women, reform of the industrial schools, less reliance on indirect taxes, near universal free health care with a choice of doctor, and an educational system permitting progress to university regardless of wealth." You've attempted rewording, but the similarities remain. I would start with a reordering, and then a rewording. Keep the key points in mind: improved private-sector productivity / income and credit controls / increases in direct taxation / equal gender pay / educational and health-care reform. Then group them, and reword them.
 * "and afterwards, Labour were rattled by the move, and in response, they themselves also moved more to the left." - not sure. What's the "afterwards" doing? And I think the source is saying that Labour moved left during the election, in order not to be undercut by Fianna Gael, thus ensuring Fianna Fail's victory.


 * After the 1965 election
 * "limp espousal" - "half-hearted espousal" in the source, is too close. How about "lukewarm/tepid support for", or some such?
 * "Fitzgerald was the son of a stalwart of the party, being the son of Desmond Fitzgerald" - to avoid repetition, "his father being Desmond Fitzgerald..."
 * "Fitzgerald shook off the traditional conservatism of his father" - on a related point, can one really call Desmond Fitzgerald a "traditional conservative"? He was an Irish revolutionary, after all. Perhaps, "social conservatism of his father"?


 * Attorney General of Ireland
 * "Costello accepted the position, even though it actually meant he would earn less money than if he continued his private law practice" - though true, this is pretty common. Many parliamentarians from the law earn less in office than in private practice, FE Smith being an example.
 * "very capable all-Ireland establishments" - what are these? And I don't think they can be described as "capable, as they were never implemented. I think you need to unpack the Council of Ireland a little more.
 * "forsaken wives, mothers who were not married, and out of wedlock-born children" - the prose is veering into the flowery. Perhaps, "abandoned wives, unmarried mothers, and illegitimate children"?
 * "when he was in charge of Ireland's case with the European Commission of Human Rights being against the UK for the internment and torture of nationalists in Northern Ireland. Costello had been convinced he needed to establish precedent in international law on the matter, regardless of diplomatic concerns. Engaging the political right and tabloid press in the UK, Costello was able to prove in court that the British state was illegally using sensory deprivation techniques on prisoners. In 1977, it was decided by the court that the prisoners were treated harmfully before giving the verdict of the UK being cleared of torture." - this is another chunk that is very close to the source. That reads; "This stance owed much to his experience from 1973 of leading Ireland's case in the European Commission of Human Rights against the UK for interning and torturing nationalists in Northern Ireland. Convinced that the need to establish a precedent in international law outweighed diplomatic considerations, he brushed aside the concerns of cabinet colleagues and enraged the British government and the right-wing British press by skilfully pursuing this action to the European Court of Human Rights, where he forced an admission that sensory deprivation techniques had been employed. In 1977 the court ruled that the prisoners had been subjected to inhumane and degrading treatment before incongruously clearing the UK of torture". You'll see that the structure, and much of the wording is quite similar, although "enrag(ed)" has come out as "engaging". Working through this, I do think we are close to an over-reliance on Source 4. The close paraphrasing definitely needs to be addressed before I could Pass as GA.

Template

(Criteria marked are unassessed)
 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a. (prose, spelling, and grammar):
 * b. (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a. (reference section):
 * b. (citations to reliable sources):
 * c. (OR):
 * d. (copyvio and plagiarism):
 * Earwig is showing a 60% match with the Dictionary of Irish Biography entry, and a 44% match with the IT obituary, here . I don’t think it’s actually a major problem, as it’s primarily a titles/quotes issue, but there are a couple of instances where the paraphrasing is a tad too close. Compare, for example, the end of the first para. of the “Stepping out of his father’s shadow” section with the corresponding wording in the IT obituary. I think it would be prudent to do the comparisons yourself, to ensure you’re satisfied. I’ll do another sweep at the end to see where we are. Don’t worry that we’ve started with an issue. I always run Earwig first, to see if we’re in Quickfail territory. We’re not here. KJP1 (talk) 12:49, 9 April 2023 (UTC) But see my comments above re. Source 4. The more closely I've gone through, the closer the similarities are becoming. There is work needed.
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a. (major aspects):
 * b. (focused):
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a. (images are tagged and non-free content have non-free use rationales):
 * b. (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/fail:
 * I have discussed this with the nominator. We both agree that there is an over-reliance on a couple of key sources. Therefore, the nominator is going to re-work the article and resubmit. As there doesn't appear to be a way to Withdraw a nomination after the review has begun, I'll formally fail it, to close out the GAN and allow for resubmission at a future date. KJP1 (talk) 09:27, 10 April 2023 (UTC)
 * b. (focused):
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a. (images are tagged and non-free content have non-free use rationales):
 * b. (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/fail:
 * I have discussed this with the nominator. We both agree that there is an over-reliance on a couple of key sources. Therefore, the nominator is going to re-work the article and resubmit. As there doesn't appear to be a way to Withdraw a nomination after the review has begun, I'll formally fail it, to close out the GAN and allow for resubmission at a future date. KJP1 (talk) 09:27, 10 April 2023 (UTC)
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a. (images are tagged and non-free content have non-free use rationales):
 * b. (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/fail:
 * I have discussed this with the nominator. We both agree that there is an over-reliance on a couple of key sources. Therefore, the nominator is going to re-work the article and resubmit. As there doesn't appear to be a way to Withdraw a nomination after the review has begun, I'll formally fail it, to close out the GAN and allow for resubmission at a future date. KJP1 (talk) 09:27, 10 April 2023 (UTC)
 * b. (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/fail:
 * I have discussed this with the nominator. We both agree that there is an over-reliance on a couple of key sources. Therefore, the nominator is going to re-work the article and resubmit. As there doesn't appear to be a way to Withdraw a nomination after the review has begun, I'll formally fail it, to close out the GAN and allow for resubmission at a future date. KJP1 (talk) 09:27, 10 April 2023 (UTC)
 * Pass/fail:
 * I have discussed this with the nominator. We both agree that there is an over-reliance on a couple of key sources. Therefore, the nominator is going to re-work the article and resubmit. As there doesn't appear to be a way to Withdraw a nomination after the review has begun, I'll formally fail it, to close out the GAN and allow for resubmission at a future date. KJP1 (talk) 09:27, 10 April 2023 (UTC)