Talk:Delorentos/GA1

GA Review
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Hey, it's Garden here. This will be my first GA review for about a year, so apologies in advance if I get it wrong. I'll leave you the arbitrary seven days but as you've been waiting so long for this review (hell, you've probably forgotten who this band are :P ) I'm more than willing to adjust. Nice work so far though. GARDEN 21:22, 25 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Nice work, I'm happy to pass this now. Well done!  GARDEN  22:27, 26 March 2009 (UTC)

Overall

 * The headings look pretty POV to me. Perhaps "In Love with Detail" instead of "Further success"?
 * Discography - this table requires mdashes to show there was no placement in the charts
 * Quite a lot of commas missing
 * Watch ref placement, i.e. [2][5] rather than [5][2]

Lead

 * They consist of... - I presume you mean consisted
 * Two EPs were also released - maybe best to explain what an EP is with a long name and a link for the fist mention
 * hit singles - a bit POV?
 * support slots - link please?
 * Before their demise - sorry, did they die or something? :P
 * Then on 17 February 2009 - needs a reword or a comma, perhaps "However, on 17 February 2009", linking from the previous sentence.

Early career

 * The four members of Delorentos were each in different bands before - Doesn't read well, perhaps try Each of the band members were in bands prior to Delorentos or something. Also, and this might be impossible I know, a source might be nice.  Not essential though
 * from an older band which a couple of them were in - reads informally
 * This section is bloomin' hard to make any sense of. Try to group band member histories together in order to reduce the name spaghetti.
 * in the early days - when?

Breakthrough

 * The EP - very ambiguous, try Their first release, the EP or similar
 * gathered some cash - again, informal
 * straight to #1 - try number one per MOSNUM (somewhere)
 * annual Other Voices music show - argh! The refs aren't in order! This happens quite a lot in this section. (that's a pet peeve, address if you like, I'm not that bothered :P)
 * #14 - again, perhaps should be number fourteen
 * As part of their prize they - needs a comma, As part of their prize, they. Looking at the rest of this section there should be several commas that have been missed
 * U.S. dates - should be US dates

Further success

 * I've already moaned about this heading, I think
 * #7 - more MOSNUM issues :P
 * #34 - That's correct, in case you think I'm going to say that for every number
 * a couple of dates - should really be two dates or several dates
 * The Irish Times noted their performance - already linked only two sentences previous
 * was selected by The Irish Times as the best by an Irish act at the event - reads quite poorly
 * by informing the reader that - perhaps a reword necessary?

Split

 * “these are strange times - why the weird speech marks?
 * neighbours - did they live next door? Or are they fellow Dubliners?
 * This "gig or two" - used twice in succession it looks informal
 * blogger UnaRocks, John Walshe of State, Jonnie Craig and others - are all of these notable enough to mention?

Style and influences/Awards

 * catchy guitar sound - is there a NPOV way of saying this?
 * attractive isn't NPOV :P I'll have a gander though.
 * the band's set - Erm, what's a set? A setlist?

Future improvements

 * PHOTOS - although I'm sure you thought of that.
 * Can't really think of anything else. I'm sure you'll improve it in ways I'll never think of :P  GARDEN  22:27, 26 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Yes, I had thought of that actually... perhaps if they hang around long enough to play Oxegen again... -- can  dle &bull; wicke  13:28, 27 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Done. -- can  dle &bull; wicke  21:47, 26 May 2009 (UTC)