Talk:Demon 79/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: BennyOnTheLoose (talk · contribs) 18:10, 12 February 2024 (UTC)

Happy to discuss, or be challenged on, any of my review comments. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 14:56, 13 February 2024 (UTC)


 * Use of the Mashable source seems OK per the comments about the site at WP:RSP.
 * Film Music Reporter has been mentioned a few times at RSN. I don;t think there's a clear consensus at Reliable_sources/Noticeboard/Archive_387 but it would probably be better to use a replacement, if possible.
 * It's not a source I liked using and all I want here is the composer's name and release date. I think a primary source like Apple Music should suffice as a replacement. — Bilorv ( talk ) 16:57, 13 February 2024 (UTC)
 * The plot summary is, if my count is right, 418 words, so slightly longer than MOS:TVPLOT's "Episode articles should have a prose plot summary of no more than 400 words."
 * I usually exclude the parentheticals for actors' names, here 13 words, but I've done another copyedit anyway and it's 400 on the dot including parentheticals. Let me know if I've taken out anything important or made anything unclear. — Bilorv ( talk ) 16:57, 13 February 2024 (UTC)
 * "makes sexual comments towards Nida" - I haven't seen the episode for a while, but aren't they more double-entendre/innuendo/sugestive rather than directly sexual?
 * I struggled to describe this. There's "I'm large... for my height" and "If you fancy writing down your number, I won't mind". Also implication of poor hygiene. I guess the key is that Nida finds him repulsive. I've managed to remove a few words by combining it with the fantasy of hurting Vicky and leaving the description at "unsettling". Hopefully the paragraph also flows better now. — Bilorv ( talk ) 16:57, 13 February 2024 (UTC)
 * "Nida joins Gaap" - again, might be my faulty recollection, but doesn't the episode end with Nida agreeing to join, rather than actually joining?
 * It ends with them holding hands and walking into a bright white light. I'm happy with "agrees to join" instead. — Bilorv ( talk ) 16:57, 13 February 2024 (UTC)
 * Spot check on "During this time, Brooker took a break from Black Mirror and worked on more comedic projects" - no issues, but is the "more" ambiguous? (i.e. "additional comedic projects" vs. "projects that were more comedic")
 * Now "projects that were more comedic". — Bilorv ( talk ) 16:57, 13 February 2024 (UTC)
 * Optional: "each instalment can be watched in any order" feels a bit redundant; you could just introduce the show being an anthology in a few words added to the first sentence of Production. but fine if you want to keep as-is.
 * The point is to explain "anthology" without needing readers to follow the link (MOS:NOFORCELINK) and to clarify that stories don't continue over a series (American Horror Story-style). — Bilorv ( talk ) 16:57, 13 February 2024 (UTC)
 * Spot check on "Ali is the only co-writer of the sixth series; she created the series Ms. Marvel"; source has "creator Charlie Brooker and Ms. Marvel's Bisha K. Ali" so deosn't explicitly confirm that Ali created the series Ms. Marvel.
 * Added a non-"Demon 79"-related source that says Ali was creator, which I'm loathe to do but every "Demon 79" source seems to mention "Bisha K. Ali" and "Ms. Marvel" without saying she created it. — Bilorv ( talk ) 16:57, 13 February 2024 (UTC)
 * Spot check on "The episode's supernatural elements are designed to evoke 1970s horror movies" - no issues.
 * Spot check on "starred in Nathan Barley (2005), which was co-created by Charlie Brooker" - not quite supported by the cited source's "Nathan Barley’s Nicholas Burns in a mini-Charlie Brooker reunion"
 * Same deal as Ms. Marvel: now added an unrelated Guardian source (which assumes you'll know Brooker best as a Guardian columnist!). — Bilorv ( talk ) 16:57, 13 February 2024 (UTC)
 * I did, as it happens, first note him as a Guardian columnist. Reading Screen Burn was a source of joy for me for years; but it's quite possible I would have unwittingly first come across him when he was working at the CeX in Rathbone Place, a place I recall as quite an intimidating shopping experience. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 22:55, 13 February 2024 (UTC)
 * Very interesting! I've got one of the compilation books, Dawn of the Dumb, but wasn't reading Screen Burn at the time. I knew his Guardian boss, Alan Rusbridger, as my college principal. One column inspired a Black Mirror episode. — Bilorv ( talk ) 10:11, 14 February 2024 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the review, ! I believe I've given a response to each point that needs one. — Bilorv ( talk ) 16:57, 13 February 2024 (UTC)


 * Spot check on "Vasan said that they had natural chemistry due to a shared background in theatre" - no issues
 * Optional: "In contrast to most Black Mirror instalments, however, is the episode's happy ending" could be something like "The episode's happy ending is in contrast to most Black Mirror instalments"
 * Gone with "The episode's happy ending contrasts with most Black Mirror instalments." — Bilorv ( talk ) 10:11, 14 February 2024 (UTC)
 * Optional: "Demon 79" is set during the 1979 United Kingdom general election, which led to Conservative Margaret Thatcher becoming Prime Minister. - the setting had this effect? Maybe something like ""Demon 79" is set during the 1979 United Kingdom general election. The election led to Margaret Thatcher becoming Prime Minister."?
 * "that" makes it unambiguous I think: "Demon 79" is set during the 1979 United Kingdom general election that led to Conservative Margaret Thatcher becoming Prime Minister — Bilorv ( talk ) 10:11, 14 February 2024 (UTC)
 * There is inconsistency in whether characters are referred to by first name or surname: Len/Fisher (first/last); Nida/Tim/Keith but Smart (first v last). You'll know better than I do whether this is an issue.
 * MOS:SURNAME says "For fictional entities, use common names". Smart is usually referred to by surname in sources and by the characters. Len Fisher now uses "Len" consistently as Vulture and Den of Geek do. (Typically which use is common depends on whether they're a main character and whether they're a villain: "Smart" makes him sound most austere.) — Bilorv ( talk ) 10:11, 14 February 2024 (UTC)
 * "Heritage reviewed that" and "Radio Times's James Hibbs praised that it "brilliantly weaves in social commentary throughout"" feel like unusual formulations in British English, but perhaps I'm behind the times.
 * Optional: could vary the first few sentences in the 3rd para of Reception, which currently start Heritage reviewed that/Webster believed that/Rosenstock said the/Babiak praised the/Radio Times's James Hibbs praised that
 * It's hard to vary wording here from "X said Y" but I've changed "reviewed that" to "wrote that" and changed a couple of the sentence structures. Also tried to cut down on repetition of "praise". — Bilorv ( talk ) 10:11, 14 February 2024 (UTC)
 * From today, the song is linked at Bright Eyes (song)
 * Link changed. — Bilorv ( talk ) 10:11, 14 February 2024 (UTC)
 * I've added another round of responses—let me know if there's anything more! — Bilorv ( talk ) 10:11, 14 February 2024 (UTC)