Talk:Detention of Juan Requesens/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: MX (talk · contribs) 17:49, 30 September 2019 (UTC)

Review
Will review. Stay tuned! MX ( ✉  •  ✎  ) 17:49, 30 September 2019 (UTC)

Lead paragraph and more

 * I like the lead paragraph because it summarizes the major points of the entire article. But why are there sources clogging it? Per WP:LEADCITE, sources don't need to be in the lead if the info is already cited elsewhere. I think it will read much cleaner that way, so please consider cleaning it up.
 * per LEADCITE, with this article there's a balance of 'info is cited in the article' and 'but it's contentious enough that a source in the lead is beneficial'. I can only really see the Helicoide part not being so controversial, but it was kept secret so long that the source can also be seen as having more value than in other cases. Kingsif (talk) 19:24, 5 October 2019 (UTC)


 * In addition to above, how do you feel about adding an infobox? Perhaps an "event" infobox would be useful. Up to you.
 * It had a legal case infobox at one point, but there's little information that fits the parameters of any infobox, given the irregularity of it. Kingsif (talk) 19:24, 5 October 2019 (UTC)

Drone attack

 * – has been → was; then change "of the" → "in the", if you think it's appropriate.
 * ✅ - and changed to 'during'


 * I'm a bit worried of this section being a WP:QUOTEFARM, especially the last paragraph. I like Requesens' quote since that is the subject matter here, but the observers could probably be paraphrased. Now, instead of giving undue weight to certain observers (i.e. "BBC said this", or "Observer X said this"), you can just paraphrase what observers say in general about the drone attack and leave readers with the option to consult the sources if they want to.
 * Will work on this; SandyGeorgia rephrased it this way for accountability. Kingsif (talk) 19:24, 5 October 2019 (UTC)

Arrest

 * – link parliamentary immunity


 * – charged → said; I would also say "was made in flagrante..."

Prison videos

 * Very good section overall. Gave me chills reading it.
 * – Should be Márquez per Spanish language rules.
 * ✅ Kingsif (talk) 19:24, 5 October 2019 (UTC)

Video controversy

 * – Who is Saab? He's not introduced before.
 * Yes, a restructure probably moved this - swapped. Kingsif (talk) 19:24, 5 October 2019 (UTC)


 * – is → was
 * Politics in Venezuela kind of works where being arrested doesn't stop you from being important in a party, with figures like Leopoldo López being a notable example. Though it is probably contentious to say if he is or was a leader either way - changed to just say it's his party. Kingsif (talk) 19:24, 5 October 2019 (UTC)

Hearings

 * Great (and crazy) section...
 * Thanks! Kingsif (talk) 19:24, 5 October 2019 (UTC)

Prison conditions and health

 * – doctored effect of the videos? A bit unclear, so consider rephrasing.
 * Rephrased to "because of the curated image of his incarceration being presented when compared to the videos released prior". Kingsif (talk) 19:24, 5 October 2019 (UTC)

Legal rights

 * – great → major
 * ✅ Kingsif (talk) 19:24, 5 October 2019 (UTC)


 * – "Requensens' lawyers and family went to El Helicoide and asked to see him, but were denied permission."
 * ✅Kingsif (talk) 19:24, 5 October 2019 (UTC)


 * Question: is it El Helicoide or just Helicoide? What's used more often?
 * Officially El Helicoide, in more casual sources it's written as Helicoide because that's obviously how it's said out loud. I can definitely standardize it. Kingsif (talk) 19:24, 5 October 2019 (UTC)

National Assembly

 * – already linked before, so remove link per WP:OVERLINK. Consider its official abbreviation instead.
 * ✅ Kingsif (talk) 19:24, 5 October 2019 (UTC)

Maduro adminisration

 * – WP:OVERLINK per previous mentions


 * – "That body" sounds a bit awkward. I would rephrase to "addressed the assembly"


 * – ... conducted in Requesens' detention


 * – shouldn't → Should not


 * – ... especially since she was in charge of his ...


 * – Wasn't this already mentioned previously? Consider merging it all in one place instead of having two separate mentions of the same event.
 * ✅ all Kingsif (talk) 19:24, 5 October 2019 (UTC)

Other Venezuelan reactions

 * – Would it make sense to add the translation for the other two?
 * The others don't have an official translation. I've added in the form of "(English: ...)" to reflect this. Kingsif (talk) 19:24, 5 October 2019 (UTC)


 * – I think this sentence should be rephrased, since we usually avoid miles / kilometers in the prose unless we have an exact distance that can be used to convert both.
 * removed, there's a link anyway. Kingsif (talk) 19:24, 5 October 2019 (UTC)

International

 * – I would remove this part of the quote since another guy said almost the exact same thing just earlier
 * ✅ Kingsif (talk) 19:24, 5 October 2019 (UTC)


 * – So someone else and not Requesens, right? It's a bit unclear, so if you can add the name of the person that would help.
 * I've tried, see if you like it. Kingsif (talk) 19:24, 5 October 2019 (UTC)


 * – Too long of quotefarm here. Please paraphrase.
 * ✅ Kingsif (talk) 19:24, 5 October 2019 (UTC)

"Yo me niego a rendirme"

 * – WP:OVERLINK; also, we already know who Albán is, so consider trimming the description or adding it for the first mention of him earlier in the section. Just keep the fact that protesters marched with signs bearing the slogan.
 * ✅ Kingsif (talk) 19:24, 5 October 2019 (UTC)

Response

 * Edits made, and responses to comments above. Kingsif (talk) 19:47, 5 October 2019 (UTC)