Talk:Diamonds from Sierra Leone/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Zmbro (talk · contribs) 15:58, 22 September 2021 (UTC)

Eh, why not. – zmbro (talk) 15:58, 22 September 2021 (UTC)
 * Thank you for taking on this large article, I have left comments in response on "Coldest Winter" if you have anything to tell me in reply! --K. Peake 16:02, 22 September 2021 (UTC)
 * , Cool Almost done with this review, so don't comment until I'm finished. – zmbro (talk) 16:59, 22 September 2021 (UTC)
 * Good to see you are done now, I'll look when I get home and have you made your mind up about the other GAN? --K. Peake 17:29, 22 September 2021 (UTC)

Infobox and lead

 * I don't think the (originally "Diamonds") doesn't appear necessary
 * ❌ it is fine to note original titles in brackets when they are not mentioned elsewhere in the lead --K. Peake 19:59, 22 September 2021 (UTC)


 * "With the exception of Brion, the producers served as songwriters for it alongside" → "The producers, with the exception of Brion, are credited as songwriters alongside"
 * ✅ --K. Peake 19:59, 22 September 2021 (UTC)


 * "who both received credit due to having written work that is sampled." this is worded weird. I'd try something different
 * ✅ by changing to their composition, if this works? --K. Peake 19:59, 22 September 2021 (UTC)


 * Do you think it's necessary to mention "Diamonds Are Forever" was a James Bond theme? Just wondering
 * No, I don't really think this is notable for the lead. --K. Peake 19:59, 22 September 2021 (UTC)


 * "A Jay-Z–featuring remix" → "A remix featuring Jay-Z"
 * ✅ with changes --K. Peake 19:59, 22 September 2021 (UTC)


 * "The remix samples Bassey's "Diamonds Are Forever"" why is this here? To me, this implies the original doesn't.
 * Reworded, as it is notable due to making it clear that both sample the song. --K. Peake 19:59, 22 September 2021 (UTC)


 * "sees Jay-Z rapping in the second part." the second part of what? Do you mean the second verse?
 * The source itself says the second part, so isn't this acceptable? --K. Peake 19:59, 22 September 2021 (UTC)


 * Shouldn't it be mentioned in the lead that the remix is on the album while the original appears as a bonus track?
 * I don't think info like exact placements on albums is notable for the lead, so not really. --K. Peake 19:59, 22 September 2021 (UTC)

Background and recording

 * Could we add that image of Jon Brion for flair? Section feels empty
 * "produced for and while watching 2004 film" → "produced for; while watching the 2004 film"
 * "hip hop project, and the decision" feels like a comma splice → hip hop project; the decision
 * "for 1971" → "for the 1971"
 * ✅ for the above --K. Peake 19:59, 22 September 2021 (UTC)


 * "John Barry and Don Black also received songwriting credits since they wrote singer Shirley Bassey's titular theme song for 1971 James Bond film Diamonds Are Forever, which is sampled." This whole sentence should be reworded to read that because of the sample they received credits.
 * ✅ but they were not the actual performers on the song so it is hard for this to not sound awkward, though does it work? --K. Peake 19:59, 22 September 2021 (UTC)


 * I'm confused, who cleared the sample then if Bassey didn't know about it? The songwriters?
 * It is not officially reported who cleared the sample, though the law specialist's mention of West likely gaining permission from one of her representatives delivers significant insight. --K. Peake 08:12, 23 September 2021 (UTC)

Composition and lyrics

 * Add a small description for Dave Tozer. Had to click on his page to learn who he was.
 * ✅ --K. Peake 08:12, 23 September 2021 (UTC)

Release and reception

 * Section seems a little quote-heavy. Maybe try to paraphrase a little bit, especially instances where only one word is put in quotes
 * ✅ --K. Peake 08:12, 23 September 2021 (UTC)

Music video

 * "He elaborated that the content "gives you a timeless feel, and we're gonna shoot it in black and white"" The black and white part can be paraphrased; it'd probably work better put before the "timeless" part
 * ✅ if this looks fine? --K. Peake 08:12, 23 September 2021 (UTC)


 * "Contrasting with West having served as the director of numerous visuals around 2005, the music video was directed by Hype Williams." put what's after the comma before contrasting
 * ✅ --K. Peake 08:12, 23 September 2021 (UTC)

Commercial performance

 * "On the chart issue dated May 21, 2005, "Diamonds from Sierra Leone" entered the US Billboard Hot 100 at number 94" put what's before the comma after 94; when I started reading the sentence I didn't know what chart was being discussed.
 * ✅ with change --K. Peake 08:12, 23 September 2021 (UTC)


 * "declining 11 places to number 94" → "declining 11 places back to number 94"
 * ✅ --K. Peake 08:12, 23 September 2021 (UTC)


 * "The song peaked at number 21" → "The song also peaked at number 21"
 * ✅ with change --K. Peake 08:12, 23 September 2021 (UTC)

Live performances and other usage

 * Make sure this section flows well and doesn't read like a bunch of bullet points thrown together (first two sentences especially read this way). One way to fix this, especially if the sentence is just "he performed it here...", combine a few of these a say "He also performed it at this,[1], that,[2] and that.[3]" Make sense? To me, this is easier for flow and doesn't read like "He performed it here". "He performed it there".
 * "spray-painted with gold" drop the 'with'
 * ✅ --K. Peake 08:12, 23 September 2021 (UTC)


 * "West performed the song at 8:56 p.m." is the timestamp significant? If not there's really no reason to have it
 * ❌ it is mentioned that this was part 3 of the set and his last number, which I believe constitute notability of the time. --K. Peake 08:12, 23 September 2021 (UTC)


 * "West came out at 9 p.m." same as the above point
 * ✅ --K. Peake 08:12, 23 September 2021 (UTC)


 * "started his appearance with a performance of the song" → "started his appearance with "Diamonds from Sierra Leone""
 * ✅ with changes --K. Peake 08:12, 23 September 2021 (UTC)


 * "which began from the set's 1:05:37 mark" again is this necessary?
 * I believe so, as it is notable when you have this timestamp from such a long performance and the tempo has been mentioned as going up around then too. --K. Peake 08:12, 23 September 2021 (UTC)


 * "mostly referencing the West of the continent." I thought this meant Kanye West at first, not the geographic west side of a continent. I'd reword (west doesn't need to be capitalized here)
 * ✅ changed to western area --K. Peake 08:12, 23 September 2021 (UTC)

Remix

 * Shouldn't you mention the remix's earlier placement on the tracklisting of LR?
 * Who is Jacob the Jeweler?
 * The section feels less quote-heavy than the earlier section, but just make sure to paraphrase when you can.
 * ✅ for all --K. Peake 08:12, 23 September 2021 (UTC)

Track listings

 * No lengths?
 * The first two are not displayed by the sources, unfortunately. --K. Peake 08:12, 23 September 2021 (UTC)

Credits and personnel

 * Looks good

Charts

 * Looks good

Certifications

 * Looks good

Release history

 * Looks good

Final thoughts

 * Overall not too bad. I've always preferred the remix over the original too. Once these are resolved, it should be a GA in no time. – zmbro (talk) 17:07, 22 September 2021 (UTC)
 * Gone over everything as efficiently as I could; anything else left or is this fine now? --K. Peake 08:12, 23 September 2021 (UTC)
 * , Looks solid to me. Happy to ✅ :-) – zmbro (talk) 13:01, 23 September 2021 (UTC)