Talk:Diana (Pop Smoke song)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 11:31, 24 March 2021 (UTC)

I will review this later today! --K. Peake 11:31, 24 March 2021 (UTC)

Infobox and lead

 * "Diana (remix)" → "Diana (Remix)" in the infobox
 * Introduce who King Combs is
 * The song itself features background vocals from Calboy, which should be mentioned as the second sentence
 * The remix sentence should be moved to being next to the rest of the info about that version in the third para; it is out of place here
 * "A remix featuring Calboy was" → "A remix of "Diana" that features Calboy was"
 * "The song was written by" → "It was written by"
 * "Stephen Garrett, Tim Mosley." → "Stephen Garrett, and Tim Mosley."
 * "The track was produced by" → "The song was produced by"
 * "of Playa's single, "Cheers 2 U". The lyrics" → "of Playa's "Cheers 2 U", while the lyrics"
 * "performance but criticized King Combs" → "performance, though criticized King Combs'"
 * "reached number 76 on the" → "reached number 76 on the US"
 * "A music video for the remix of "Diana" was" → "An accompanying music video was" per the remix first sentence being moved here
 * "features clips Pop Smoke" → "features clips of Pop Smoke"
 * "and celebrating and dancing" → "while celebrating and dancing"
 * "near luxury cars and women walking by them." → "near luxury cars and women." to avoid being too wordy/repetitive

Background and composition
❌ It will confuse readers as Pop Smoke and King Combs are both rappers
 * "was a song that Pop Smoke made" → "was made by Pop Smoke" to avoid being too wordy
 * Pipe rough draft to Draft document
 * "without King Kombs on it. Pop Smoke" → "without King Combs on it; he" to avoid too short sentences
 * Pipe hook to Hook (music)
 * "in the studio all night editing" → "in the studio all night, editing" per the source; they were stated as solely editing in the night
 * "put a new verse on it" → "recorded a new verse for it"
 * "with Pop Smoke and" → "with the rapper and" to avoid overstating his stage name
 * Just change to "with him and" to avoid stating Pop Smoke's name twice in one sentence. --K. Peake 07:26, 25 March 2021 (UTC)


 * "talk about when" → "talked about when"
 * "was then going to release it." → "was deciding to release it." to be less repetitive
 * "but they knew that" → "but the two knew that"
 * Pipe ad-libs to Ad libitum

Writing and composition

 * Merge with the above section as the second para, as single para sections are discouraged especially for GAs; you can moved writing/production info to the end of the first para for background and composition
 * "Stephen Garrett, Tim Mosley." → "Stephen Garrett, and Tim Mosley."
 * "was produced by" → "was solely produced by"
 * The above info is supposed to be moved to the first para of the new section
 * You did not move this, even though I specified twice during the review... --K. Peake 07:26, 25 March 2021 (UTC)


 * Pipe music critics to Music journalism
 * The opening letter of the sentence is obviously supposed to be capitalised. --K. Peake 07:26, 25 March 2021 (UTC)


 * "of Playa's 1998 single," → "of Playa's 1998 single" with the pipe
 * I don't really think "throws" is appropriate for this section; maybe try something like "takes" instead?
 * "mentioned Pop Smoke is" → "mentioned that the rapper is" to avoid overusing his stage name
 * "with Balenciaga sneakers."" → "with Balenciaga sneakers"." per MOS:QUOTE (source does not mention it as a full set of sentences), with the wikilink

Release and reception

 * "M.T. Richards for Consequence of Sound" → "M.T. Richards, for Consequence of Sound,"
 * Swap [19] and [20] per the order of the charts listed

Background and synopsis

 * Wikilink HipHopDX
 * "in Los Angeles when the day after they found out Pop Smoke" → "in Los Angeles, until they found out the day after that the latter"
 * "in the studio and" → "in the studio, and"
 * It is not sourced that they are accompanied by friends

Critical reception

 * A mention of the overview should be offered in the lead too
 * MOS:QUOTE issues throughout here
 * The "of the [song]." quote was not fixed. --K. Peake 07:26, 25 March 2021 (UTC)


 * "shooting the video in New York City was" → "appearing in New York City is"
 * "opined with the track" → "opined that with the track"

Credits and personnel

 * King Kombs → King Combs, plus shouldn't he come before Calboy since these are the credits for the original not the remix?

Charts

 * Good

Final comments and verdict
Kyle Peake. Thanks for the review. I have responded to all of ur concerns. The Ultimate Boss (talk) 04:39, 25 March 2021 (UTC)
 * until all of the issues are fixed; nice to see you starting to make progress in the midst of the review, however. --K. Peake 18:06, 24 March 2021 (UTC)
 * Thank you, I have gone over above where things still need addressing properly. --K. Peake 07:26, 25 March 2021 (UTC)
 * Kyle Peake Done. The Ultimate Boss (talk) 05:14, 26 March 2021 (UTC)
 * ✅ now after you handled these and nice catch in the opening sentence! --K. Peake 06:46, 26 March 2021 (UTC)