Talk:Direction (album)/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Kyle Peake (talk · contribs) 16:54, 14 June 2020 (UTC)

I'll review this one soon --Kyle Peake (talk) 16:54, 14 June 2020 (UTC)

Infobox and lead

 * Artist parameter should cite as the Starting Line instead since "Studio album by" precedes their identity in the infobox
 * Use bullet points instead for separating the genres; do not use flastlist or hlist though
 * Target Island to Island (Float Away)
 * Add the "It was released..." sentence as the second of the lead, with the label mentioned in it
 * "promotion for Based on a True Story (2005)," → "promotion for their 2005 album, Based on a True Story,"
 * Remove wikilink on Virgin Records as this will be the second mention in the new order
 * "spent the remainder of year" → "spent the remainder of 2006"
 * "Sessions for their next album" → "Sessions for the album" since we know it won't be about Based on a True Story due to the timestamp
 * "between February and May 2007" → "from February to May 2007"
 * ❌ --Kyle Peake (talk) 16:57, 15 June 2020 (UTC)


 * "the band's vocalist and bassist" → "the Starting Line's vocalist and bassist"
 * Change up-tempo to uptempo and wikilink to itself
 * ❌ and look at MOS:LINK2SECT


 * "the track "Island" was released as a single before the band" → "the track "Island" was released as the lead single from Direction before the Starting Line" with the appropriate target
 * "the following month. A music video for "Island" was released before Direction release on July 31, 2007" → "the following month, during which a music video for the track was released" with the appropriate wikilink
 * "Direction sold 20,000 copies in its first week" → "The album sold 20,000 first-week copies in the US"
 * "the Billboard 200 and received a mostly positive reception" → "the Billboard 200, and received mostly positive reviews"
 * Target music critics to Music journalism
 * "complimenting the band's growth and the album's catchy songs" → "complimenting the Starting Line's growth and the catchy songs"
 * "and co-headlined a US tour with Paramore" → "and co-headlined a tour in the country with Paramore, both of which were in the fall of 2007"
 * "In Australia in early 2008, the Starting Line performed at Soundwave Festival prior" → "In early 2008, the Starting Line performed at the Soundwave Festival in Australia, prior"

Background

 * Remove wikilink on the Starting Line
 * "submitted for their second album" → "submitted for their second studio album"
 * [1][2] should both be solely at the end of the sentence
 * "was released in May 2005" → "was ultimately released in May 2005"
 * "Geffen Records de-prioritized the album" → "Geffen de-prioritized the album"
 * "and despite the band's increasing popularity" → "and despite the Starting Line's increasing popularity"
 * "very little promotion for its lead single" → "a lack of promotion for the lead single" with the wikilink
 * "From late September to late November 2005, the group" → "From late September to late November of 2005, the band"
 * "On November 3" → "On November 3 of that year"
 * "The group were aiming to" → "The band were aiming to"
 * "already written 12–15 songs for it.[7] They spent" → "already written 12–15 songs for it at the time, with them spending"
 * ❌ --Kyle Peake (talk) 16:57, 15 June 2020 (UTC)


 * [6][7] should both be solely at the end of the sentence in the new order
 * "it was announced the band" → "it was announced that the Starting Line"
 * "signed the group after" → "signed the band after"
 * "Between early February and early April 2006" → "Between the early periods of both February and April 2006"
 * "during the tour, the band's guitarist" → "during the tour, the guitarist"
 * "Schmutz was still a touring member but was expected" → "Schmutz was still a touring member and was expected"
 * "Following the tour's conclusion, the group" → "Following the tour's conclusion, the band"
 * "to write their next record" → "for writing the album"
 * "the group wrote new material and demoed songs" → "the Starting Line wrote new material and recorded demos of songs"
 * "By August" → "By August of that year"
 * Are you sure the closing sentence shouldn't be in Release and promotion instead?
 * The Tournado 2006 trek was before the album was recorded so it wouldn't make sense to put with the release info. Yeepsi (talk) 11:13, 15 June 2020 (UTC)

Production

 * [10][12] should both be solely at the end of the sentence
 * ❌ since they need to be in numerical order --Kyle Peake (talk) 16:57, 15 June 2020 (UTC)


 * "and by May they were adding the final touches" → "and by May, they were in the final stages"
 * "Sessions took place at" → "Recording sessions took place at"
 * "Benson acted as producer while" → "Howard Benson served as producer, while"
 * "Hatsukazu Inagaki served as engineer with technical assistance" → "Hatsukazu Inagaki was the engineer, with technical assistance" with the target
 * "During the sessions, the band's guitarist Matt Watts" → "During the sessions, Watts" since you have already introduced him
 * "and some he borrowed from Benson" → "and some that were borrowed from Benson"
 * "He used this brand of guitars" → "The former used that brand of guitars" with the wikilink
 * "programming to the recordings. Session musicians" → "programming to the recordings, while session musicians" with the target
 * ❌ since session musicians shouldn't be capitalised at all --Kyle Peake (talk) 16:57, 15 June 2020 (UTC)


 * Target Island to Island (Float Away)
 * "while Muhoberac added keyboards to" → "whereas Muhoberac added keyboards to"
 * ""21", "Island", "Hurry", "Something Left to Give", "Need to Love" and "What You Want"" → "the track, alongside "21", "Island", "Hurry", "Something Left to Give" and "Need to Love""
 * ❌ "contributed percussionthe track," → "contributed percussion to the track," --Kyle Peake (talk) 16:57, 15 June 2020 (UTC)


 * Target mixed to Audio mixing (recorded music)
 * "recordings at Resonate Music in" → "recordings at the Resonate Music studio in"
 * "with assistance from Nik Karpen. Ted Jensen then" → "with assistance from Nik Karpen, and Ted Jensen then"
 * Target mastered to Mastering (audio)

Composition

 * Retitle to Music and lyrics
 * "vocalist/bassist Kenny Vasoli wrote music" → "vocalist and bassist Kenny Vasoli wrote music for Direction"
 * "simplistic grooves rather than" → "simplistic grooves, rather than"
 * "of their past work" → "of the Starting Line's past work"
 * "the rest of the band" → "the other members"
 * "on which they would give their opinions" → "which they would give their opinions of"
 * "From this, the group" → "From this, the band"
 * "wanted to break out of the group's" → "wanted to break away from their"
 * [2][15] should both be solely at the end of the sentence
 * "in the vein of" → "similar to the work of"
 * "Because the drum parts go through" → "Due to the drum parts going through"
 * "it would be better" → "Vasoli thought it would be better"
 * "recording the bass to write parts" → "recording the bass before writing parts"
 * "drawing comparisons to music" → "with comparisons being drawn to music"
 * ""Direction" touches on southern rock with" → ""Direction" includes elements of southern rock, with"
 * [10][20] should both be solely at the end of the sentence
 * ❌ they need to be numerically ordered --Kyle Peake (talk) 16:57, 15 June 2020 (UTC)


 * "it discusses the themes" → "the song discusses the themes"
 * Change up-tempo to uptempo and wikilink to itself
 * ❌ per MOS:LINK2SECT --Kyle Peake (talk) 16:57, 15 June 2020 (UTC)


 * [17][19][20] should all be solely at the end of the sentence
 * ❌ they need to be numerically ordered --Kyle Peake (talk) 16:57, 15 June 2020 (UTC)


 * "and was compared to" → "and was compared to the music of"
 * "In the track, Vasoli looking back" → "On the track, Vasoli looks back"
 * [19][20] should both be solely at the end of the sentence
 * ❌ they need to be numerically ordered --Kyle Peake (talk) 16:57, 15 June 2020 (UTC)


 * Target verse to Verse (music)
 * "section with what Vasoli called" → "section, with what Vasoli called"
 * Target chord to Chord (music)
 * "and planned to have" → "and the Starting Line planned to have"
 * "chords playing over that" → "chords playing over it"
 * "The band were stuck with" → "The band became stuck on"
 * Target chorus to Refrain
 * ❌ --Kyle Peake (talk) 16:57, 15 June 2020 (UTC)


 * "which they did after two days" → "which they succeeded in doing after two days"
 * ❌ --Kyle Peake (talk) 16:57, 15 June 2020 (UTC)


 * "presence on stage, and" → "stage presence, and"
 * "of a note to his ghost,[19]" → "of a note to his ghost.[19]" since the new sentence should begin after this
 * Target acoustic to Acoustic music
 * Target ballad to Sentimental ballad
 * [1][21] should both be solely at the end of the sentence
 * ❌ they need to be numerically ordered --Kyle Peake (talk) 16:57, 15 June 2020 (UTC)


 * "who expected the band" → "who expected the Starting Line"
 * "is about taking chances" → "is about taking a chance"
 * Target pop to Pop music
 * [20][21][23] should all be solely at the end of the sentence
 * ❌ they need to be numerically ordered --Kyle Peake (talk) 16:57, 15 June 2020 (UTC)


 * "was compared to" → "was compared to the music of"
 * "it is about people's yearning" → "the song is about people's yearning"
 * "the initials of the group's debut" → "the initials of their debut studio album"
 * "was the first track written for the album" → "was the first track written for Direction"
 * Wikilink New York City to itself
 * Wikilink Philadelphia to itself
 * "In the album's closing track "What You Want", Vasoli" → "On the album's closing track, "What You Want", Vasoli"

Release and promotion

 * Img needs a full-stop at the end of main text
 * Target streaming to Streaming media and mention it was through MySpace
 * "was announced for release in July" → "was announced for release in July of that year"
 * "for streaming on May 17" → "for streaming on May 17, 2007"
 * Mention the single release was in the US or add more citations to that ref for backing up it was in various countries
 * [26][27][28] should all be solely at the end of the sentence
 * "and was released to radio a week later" → "and was serviced to radio a week later" with the target
 * "From early July to late August 2007" → "From early July to late August" since the tour's year being mentioned makes it specific that this was in 2007
 * "On July 18, a music video" → "On July 18 of that year, a music video" with the wikilink
 * "that was filmed in California in early June" → "that had been filmed in California during early June"
 * "on July 27,[32] and was released on July 31" → "on July 27, 2007, and was released on July 31"
 * [25][32] should both be solely at the end of the sentence
 * ❌ they need to be numerically ordered --Kyle Peake (talk) 16:57, 15 June 2020 (UTC)


 * [33][34] ditto
 * Mention the album release was in the US or add more citations to that ref for backing up it was in various countries
 * "the latter released in January 2008, include" → "the latter of which was released in January 2008, both include"
 * "on a headlining US tour with support" → "on a headlining US tour, with support"
 * "In February 2008, the Starting Line appeared at the Soundwave Festival in Australia[37]" → "The Starting Line appeared at the Soundwave Festival in Australia, in February 2008,"
 * [37][38][39] should all be solely at the end of the sentence
 * "on which they were supported" → "during which they were supported"
 * "Four Year Strong[38] and" → "Four Year Strong, and"
 * [40][41] should both be solely at the end of the sentence
 * Target to The Bamboozle should solely be on Bamboozle instead of Bamboozle festivals
 * "Following this, the group went on indefinite hiatus" → "Following on from this, the band went on an indefinite hiatus"

Reception

 * Favorable and Mixed should not be capitalised in the ratings box
 * Blogcritics is a violation of WP:SELFPUB so remove it from here
 * Punknews.org → Punk News
 * ❌ --Kyle Peake (talk) 16:57, 15 June 2020 (UTC)


 * The first para should be the last of the section instead and move the first sentence of it to being the third instead
 * "selling 20,000 copies in its first week" → "with first-week sales of 20,000 copies"
 * "The album has been cited" → "It has been cited"
 * "The album received a mostly positive reaction from music critics" → "Direction was met with mostly positive reviews from music critics" with the target
 * "said the band conceptualized" → "said the Starting Line conceptualized"
 * "noted while it retained the pop punk" → "noted that while it retained the pop punk"
 * "it comes across as slightly more" → "the album came across as slightly more"
 * "found while Vasoli lacked" → "found that while Vasoli lacks"
 * "he and the rest of the band" → "he and the other members"
 * "throughout the record" → "throughout Direction"
 * "Aaron Burgess said; "Vasoli" → "Aaron Burgess said: "Vasoli"
 * Remove the Blogcritics review for my earlier explanation
 * "praised the record as being" → "praised the album for being"
 * "Punknews.org staff member GlassPipeMurder" → "Punk News staff member GlassPipeMurder"
 * ❌ --Kyle Peake (talk) 16:57, 15 June 2020 (UTC)


 * "pop-punk tracks ... there are too many" → "pop-punk tracks", the album includes "too many"
 * "criticized the album as being "another formulaic record" but" → "criticized the album for being "another formulaic record", but"

Track listing

 * Track listing per booklet.[13] → Track listing adapted from the booklet of Direction.[13]
 * Writer(s) and Producer(s) should be included here; if all tracks were written and/or producer by certain member(s), just write that at the bottom with source
 * Booklet doesn't mention writing credits. Yeepsi (talk) 11:13, 15 June 2020 (UTC)


 * Add citation(s) for the bonus track
 * Target iTunes to iTunes Store

Personnel

 * Retitle to Credits and personnel
 * Personnel per booklet.[13] → Credits adapted from the booklet of Direction.[13]

Charts
*Add this table even though it is just for one chart
 * Good

Final comments and verdict
for a week until you fix the issues. --Kyle Peake (talk) 08:58, 15 June 2020 (UTC)
 * Done. Yeepsi (talk) 11:13, 15 June 2020 (UTC)
 * Nice work but you missed a few things, which I have commented on above. --Kyle Peake (talk) 16:57, 15 June 2020 (UTC)
 * Fixed. Yeepsi (talk) 17:17, 15 June 2020 (UTC)
 * ✅ on this now, all good! --Kyle Peake (talk) 17:50, 15 June 2020 (UTC)