Talk:Disappearance of Lars Mittank/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Llewee (talk · contribs) 19:03, 5 June 2022 (UTC)

Your GA nomination of Disappearance of Lars Mittank
Hi there, I'm pleased to inform you that I've begun reviewing the article Disappearance of Lars Mittank you nominated for GA-status according to the criteria. This process may take up to 7 days. Feel free to contact me with any questions or comments you might have during this period. Llewee (talk) 19:13, 5 June 2022 (UTC)

, thank you for reviewing this article. I have reverted the recent changes you made. Here are my reasons:


 * Your edit to the final sentence of the lead had two problems: There was a comma where there should have been a semi-colon to mark a separation between two independent clauses and a period later on where there should have been a comma.
 * Moving the physical description of Mittank from the end of the article to near the beginning is inappropriate in my opinion. The information has been included because authorities see it as important to finding Mittank; it should therefore be placed at the end of the article where information about Mittank's potential fate and reported sightings are detailed.
 * In the section about the meeting with the doctor, you combined two separate sentences and attached them with a comma. Because both are independent clauses, they must either be separate sentences or be linked with a semi-colon, not a comma.
 * I disagree with changing "captured by airport security footage" to "recorded by airport security footage." "Recorded," though not incorrect, has a connotation to audio.
 * "For long outdoors" is preferable to "for an extended period in the wild" for two reasons. Firstly, it is less wordy. Secondly, the area where Mittank disappeared wasn't exactly the wild. He was filmed running away from an international airport in a large city towards a small area of woods adjacent to a major highway. That's not the "wild."

A few of your edits were improvements to the article. I will restore them. But the rest, even if they didn't harm the article, also in my opinion did not help it.

I look forward to you continuing your review. As the GA review process generally consists of the reviewer proposing changes to the nominator rather than making them himself, perhaps you can consult with me about any additional changes that you would like to see here. Thank you. Display name 99 (talk) 03:12, 6 June 2022 (UTC)

Apologies, I made some edits because the guidance for reviewing suggests that it is acceptable for a reviewer to make minor edits to the text as you objected I will refrain from doing so again. I have made some suggestions for improving the article in the first two sections of the review. Though I think they're very close to being achieved, I will delay passing both sections for the time being until that's dealt with.Llewee (talk) 11:49, 9 June 2022 (UTC)

, forgot to link you sorry--Llewee (talk) 14:43, 9 June 2022 (UTC)


 * Hello . I will try to address your concerns within the next 24 hours. I don't object to GA reviewers making minor changes. I just did not like most of the changes that you made. Anyhow, I will address what you have said shortly. Display name 99 (talk) 12:19, 10 June 2022 (UTC)


 * , here is my response to your comments.
 * The source that you identified as problematic was added by a different editor. I understand your concerns about it and have removed it.
 * I have elected not to change the statement that he lived in a town for his entire life to he lived there until his disappearance. I feel that the change potentially implies that he did not die and remained alive after his disappearance, which is of course not known. I believe that the context makes it clear that the sentence is only referring to his life prior to his disappearance. I certainly do not think that the change improves the article, and I think that it arguably makes it worse. Thus, I am opposed to it.
 * My reason for preferring "Lars Mittank" as the title of the original section as opposed to "Background" is because all of the background information is about Mittank. It isn't background on the disappearance (meaning the circumstances surrounding it) so much as the person. i Have chosen to rename it "Background on Lars MIttank."
 * I have changed the section title from "Mysterious behavior" to "Unusual behavior" as you suggested.


 * Thank you again for your review. Display name 99 (talk) 03:12, 11 June 2022 (UTC)