Talk:Djaoeh Dimata/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Jimfbleak (talk · contribs) 06:58, 14 July 2013 (UTC)

Hi, obviously not much wrong here, but a few quibbles
 * The film's cast continued to act &mdash; not sure why this isn't quite right, it reads as if it's unusual for actors to continue to act after making a film. Perhaps something based around "went on to" might give a better sense?
 * How's remained active in the Indonesian film industry? — Crisco 1492 (talk) 09:23, 14 July 2013 (UTC)


 * As such, his wife Soelastri &mdash; "As such" doesn't make sense, it should refer to her, not him, and is redundant anyway
 * Trying to show causality, seems I've failed. Reworded. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 09:23, 14 July 2013 (UTC)


 * Untrusting of his wife and unwilling to accept the possibility that she will be unfaithful,  &mdash; too many "un-"s for my taste, can it be rephrased?
 * Reworked. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 09:23, 14 July 2013 (UTC)


 * pass her as a maid for Asrad.  &mdash; pass her off as?
 * Dur. Done. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 09:23, 14 July 2013 (UTC)


 * he and Soelastri reconcile.  &mdash; "are reconciled" seems more idiomatic
 * Sure, done. — Crisco 1492 (talk)


 * and all but one studio was closed &mdash; "were"
 * All but one studio were closed sounds very odd to me, so I've gone with another choice. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 09:23, 14 July 2013 (UTC)


 * This included all of Multi Film's &mdash; "of" is redundant
 * Removed "all" as well. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 09:23, 14 July 2013 (UTC)


 * All were of propagandic nature &mdash; I'd write "a propagandic nature''
 * Simplified. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 09:23, 14 July 2013 (UTC)


 * served more... Max Tera served as &mdash; change one of the "served"s
 * Reworked. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 09:23, 14 July 2013 (UTC)

I'll have a second look and do the image/ref checks when you have had time to respond  Jimfbleak -  talk to me?  07:34, 14 July 2013 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the review, hope you found the article interesting. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 09:23, 14 July 2013 (UTC)

I'm happy with all the changes above. Round two! just a few suggestions, really, before I sign this off
 * soon reaches wide acclaim. &mdash; I just wonder if "achieves" reads better than "reaches"?
 * Sure, done. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 12:54, 14 July 2013 (UTC)


 * The image licences are complicated, but seem OK as far as I understand them. Is it possible to process File:Ali Yugo in Djaoeh di Mata.jpg to improve the appearance? I don't know, just asking the question.
 * Part of it is because of the halftoning used in the original printing process, which makes playing with the levels a pain in the butt. This image was printed right on the fold, which is what that black mark is. I could probably get rid of it later, — Crisco 1492 (talk) 12:54, 14 July 2013 (UTC)\
 * I've played with the image. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 13:29, 14 July 2013 (UTC)


 * Some of your short-form references have roman font for publications which are italicised in the "Works cited", eg Het Dagblad/Het Dagblad. Is there a logic to this?
 * Essentially because the coding is a pain (have to use .27.27Het Dagblad.27.27 to get it to work properly; this has not been a problem to date in FACs, although I have no issue with changing to italics here. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 12:54, 14 July 2013 (UTC)

 Jimfbleak -  talk to me?  12:35, 14 July 2013 (UTC)


 * GA review (see here for criteria)


 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose): b (MoS):
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (references): b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): b (focused):
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail: