Talk:Don't Hold Your Breath/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 06:54, 22 August 2022 (UTC)

This will take two days I think, though I can start now! --K. Peake 06:54, 22 August 2022 (UTC)

Infobox and lead

 * Infobox looks good!


 * Mention in the first sentence that is is from her debut studio album, Killer Love (2011), moving the single release info elsewhere and removing the week later part altogether


 * The demo and various iterations sentence should be the two after the opening one, followed by the single release


 * "Toby Gad and Billy Steinberg, "Don't Hold Your Breath" is an" → "Toby Gad, and Billy Steinberg, it is an" and this should be the sentence after the one about production and influences, which should follow release itself


 * Where is the ex-lover part sourced in the body?


 * "and Keri Hilson which leaked online in" → "and Keri Hilson, which leaked online in" with the pipe


 * ""Don't Hold Your Breath" went through various iterations and versions which leaked ahead of its" → "It went through various iterations and versions that leaked ahead of"


 * "The final mixed and mastered version features a dance-pop, pop music and" → "The song features a dance-pop, pop, and"


 * Remove usage of strong before the influences


 * Remove the genres from the second para since they are already mentioned in the previous one


 * "as well as conviction and lyrics about" → "as well as the conviction and lyrics about"


 * "It was also praised as a" → "The song was also praised as a"


 * Pipe Scottish Singles Chart to Scottish Singles and Albums Charts


 * Wikilink Euro Digital Songs per MOS:LINK2SECT, also this needs to be written out in prose to be mentioned in the lead


 * "In the UK," → "In the United Kingdom," for consistency because you use United States on the first mention of that country


 * "It became Scherzinger's third" → "The former became Scherzinger's third"


 * Remove the former band mate introduction since this is not notable


 * Place the rankings after the certifications, so relevant info is sorted together


 * "'Best Break Up Songs' ranking, "Don't Hold Your Breath" appeared at" → "'Best Breakup Songs' ranking, the song appeared at"


 * "at number 23 In the" → "at number 23 on the"


 * Pipe Huffington Post to HuffPost


 * "over 621,000 copies and being" → "over 621,000 copies and been" also, mention that this is in the UK and separate the ARIA certification since these stats mean nothing for that country


 * Pipe streamed to Streaming media


 * Platinum should not be capitalized and mention that the ARIA certification was in Australia


 * Remove "for "Don't Hold Your Breath"" after accompanying music video


 * "in a mirror and wandering" → "in a mirror, and wandering" but the house is not sourced as being from the 1930s


 * "It was met with generally positive reviews" → "The visual received generally positive reviews"


 * "of TV Shows including" → "of TV shows, including"


 * "Let's Dance for Comic Relief and Good Morning America." → "Let's Dance for Comic Relief, and Good Morning America." with the pipe


 * Pipe DJs to Disc jockey

Background and development

 * Remove the release year of Killer Love from brackets since that being in the body is sufficient and this sentence mentions 2011


 * "would leak ahead of the song's" → "would leak ahead of its" with the pipe


 * Remove the usage of the word reference track


 * "American singer-songwriter Keri Hilson which" → "singer-songwriter Keri Hilson, which"


 * "According to Muumuse.com," → "According to Muumuse,"


 * "have been produced by Moroccan producer RedOne who" → "to have been produced by Moroccan producer RedOne, who"


 * "would circulate online including" → "would circulate online, including"


 * [1][6] should not have a space between them


 * "by the aforementioned artists but" → "by the aforementioned artists, but" however, where is the possibility of rejection sourced?


 * "on January 12 however," → "on January 12, 2011, however,"

Recording and production

 * "co-writing "Don't Hold Your Breath" while" → "co-writing "Don't Hold Your Breath", while" on the img text


 * Only the pop genre is sourced, also the genres belongs in music and lyrics instead


 * Remove wikilink on dance-pop


 * "Toby Gad and Billy Steinberg." → "Toby Gad, and Billy Steinberg."


 * MTV Buzzworthy should not be italicised


 * Mention the name of the Stereoboard author


 * "it was incorrectly reported to be" → "the song was incorrectly reported to be"


 * "as Rami Yacoub) and Steve Josefsson" → "as Rami Yacoub), and Steve Josefsson"


 * Remove pipe on produced


 * "recorded and edited by" → "recorded, and edited by"


 * Wikilink cello


 * Remove wikilink on Popjustice


 * "The blog noted removal" → "The website noted removal"


 * post chorus → post-chorus with the wikilink per MOS:LINK2SECT

Music and lyrics

 * The genres should be the start of the section, beginning with "Musically, "Don't Hold Your Breath" is..."


 * "as "sort-of-balled" → "as a "sort-of-ballad"


 * "which was full of" → "that was full of"


 * "Sentiments echoed by" → "This sentiment was echoed by"


 * "Michael Cragg who called the song as" → "Michael Cragg, who called the song a"


 * Digital Spy should not be italicised


 * "and previous single "Poison" were "distinctly more pop and" → "and "Poison" were "distinctly more pop [and]"
 * Remove wikilink on Eurodance


 * "that Scherzinger's previous" → "than Scherzinger's previous"


 * Musicnotes.com should not be italicised


 * Pipe beats per minute to Tempo


 * "Copsey compared the song to" → "Copsey made a comparison to"


 * Add the release year of "I Will Survive"


 * "to the song "I will Survive"; The Pussycat Dolls'" → "to "I Will Survive"; the Pussycat Dolls'" per MOS:THEMUSIC


 * Pipe sample to Sampling (music)


 * "with lyrics that "stave off" → "saying that Scherzinger "staves off"


 * "noting that it was Scherzinger declaration" → "noting that it was her declaration"

Reviews

 * This does not need to be a sub-section


 * Remove wikilink on Popjustice


 * "in reference to Kiler Love's first single" → "in reference to the song following"


 * Remove pipe on "Poison"


 * "the blog concluded that the song was" → "the reviewer concluded the song is"


 * Add the release year of Femme Fatale


 * "would sound like "this song" → "would sound like, "this song"


 * "every Pussycat Dolls single combined."" → "every Pussycat Dolls single combined"." per MOS:QUOTE


 * "Digital Spy commended the song's conviction saying" → "Copsey commended the song's conviction, saying"


 * "Bradley Stern, writing for MTV Buzzworthy called the song" → "Stern called the song"


 * "don't forget to exhale!"." → "don't forget to exhale!"" since the exclamation mark ends the sentence


 * "Helen Ho (Renowned for Sound) opined that" → "Helen Ho of Renowned for Sound opined that"


 * Mention the name of The New Zealand Herald reviewer


 * "In writing for Stereoboard," → "Writing for Stereoboard,"


 * "a negative review saying that although it showed a" → "a negative review, saying although showing a"


 * "Johal also felt that" → "She also wrote that" to be less repetitive


 * Keep the UK Singles Chart position here but remove the end of the Adele reign because that detail is only notable for the later section

Accolades

 * Pipe The Huffington Post to HuffPost


 * "its list of the top 50 number ones of the last ten years." → "its 'Top 50 Number Ones of the Last Ten Years' list."


 * "at number 9 on" → "at number nine on" per MOS:NUM


 * The Breakup Songs list should be surrounded by singular speech marks instead for consistency


 * Add the release year of "I Don't Need a Man"


 * "at number two which" → "at number two, which"


 * Remove wikilink on the Pussycat Dolls

Commercial performance

 * Place the singer's native United States commercial performance first since the section is ordered geographically; keep the rest in the same order, but start a new para at the Scottish position since it follows the Ireland and UK info


 * Why is the date written as March 18 when the source says March 17?


 * "Scherzinger previously topped" → "Scherzinger had previously topped" but these songs are not sourced


 * "and BBC News but would be short-lived as" → "and BBC News, but was short-lived, as"


 * Remove capitalisation of platinum


 * Mention that the sales and streams were in the United Kingdom


 * Pipe streamed to Streaming media


 * Pipe Scottish Singles Chart to Scottish Singles and Albums Chart
 * "number 45 in France and number 62" → "number 45 in France, and number 62 in"


 * You need to invoke the refs for the countries at the end of the sentence; the Ultratop ref is not the main one, so use the countries' primary refs instead


 * Again, invoke the New Zealand chart ref instead of the secondary source


 * "while in Australia the song became" → "In Australia, the song debuted at number 27, becoming" per the source, as a new sentence


 * Mention that the 140,000 copies were in Australia and invoke the appropriate refs at the end of the sentence


 * Pipe Hot Digital Songs to Digital Songs


 * "chart the song entered at" → "chart, the song entered at"


 * "On the US Hot Dance Club Play chart" → "On the US Hot Dance Club Play chart," with the pipe

Promotion and release

 * Retitle to Release and promotion, moving to being the section before critical reception


 * Remove the sub-sections since these are redundant for a two para section


 * "The mixed and mastered version of "Don't Hold Your Breath" premiered" → ""Don't Hold Your Breath" officially premiered"


 * Remove wikilink on Popjustice


 * "of personality. Not a bad" → "of personality: "Not a bad"


 * "on February 16, 2011 and was" → "on February 16, 2011, and was" however, where is the February 16 date mentioned by the BBC Radio 1 source?


 * Remove the lead single info since this lacks focus and the release as the second single is backed up anyway


 * "for the first time on" → "for the first time at"


 * "On May 14, she appeared" → "On May 14, 2011, Scherzinger appeared"


 * "BBC Radio 1's Big Weekend performing "Poison" and "Don't Hold Your Breath" wearing a" → "BBC Radio 1's Big Weekend, performing "Poison" and "Don't Hold Your Breath" while wearing a"


 * "On June 11 she appeared at Capital FM's Summertime Ball performed" → "On June 11, the singer appeared at Capital FM's Summertime Ball to perform"


 * "along with "Right There"," → "along with "Right There" and" with the pipe


 * Remove pipe on "Poison"


 * "in the United States performing on July 13 for AMP Radio’s" → "in the US on July 13, for AMP Radio's" per MOS:US


 * "On August 18, she performed" → "On August 18, 2011, Scherzinger performed"


 * Pipe Live! with Regis and Kelly! to Live with Kelly and Ryan


 * "On September she appeared at the iHeartRadio Music Festival performed" → "In September 2011, the singer appeared at the iHeartRadio Music Festival, performing"


 * "she performed on" → "she performed the song on"


 * "On November 11, she performed" → "On November 11, 2011, Scherzinger performed"


 * "which was backed by a" → "with backing from a"


 * "was performed as encore throughout" → "was performed as an encore for"


 * Pipe first solo tour to Killer Love


 * "support of her debut studio album, Killer Love (2011)." → "support of Killer Love in 2011."

Music video

 * VEVO → Vevo


 * "According to Robbie Daw of Idolator, the theme of the video was to" → "According to Daw, the theme of the video is to"
 * >> Lil-unique1  (  talk  ) — 22:00, 26 August 2022 (UTC)

Synopsis

 * I am confused about the img text; why have you written 1800s house here but 1900s in the lead?


 * "She stares longingly out of" → "The singer stares longingly out of"


 * Remove pipe on chorus


 * "In the first she is seen wrapped in blanket while in the second" → "In the first, Scherzinger is seen wrapped in a blanket while in the second,"


 * "of the house where she" → "of the house, where she"


 * "She is then scene walking" → "The singer is then seen walking"


 * "an old armchair and intersects" → "an old armchair, and intersects"


 * For the part about her singing a lyric, shouldn't a citation be invoked since this is a quote?


 * "she stands confidently" → "the singer stands confidently"

Reception

 * "Despite Idolator's Robbie Daw loving the song," → "Despite Daw loving the song,"


 * ""overall, cheap-ass video," → ""Overall, cheap-ass video," per the source's capitalisation


 * "Rap-Up.com called" → "Devin of Rap-Up called"


 * Sugar Magazine → sugarscape.com


 * Add the release year of "The Flood"


 * "dark and moody" → "dark and weepy" per the source


 * "praised "the warm fuzzy"" → "praised the "warm and fuzzy""


 * The bathroom scene part is not sourced and you need a comma before and if more than two parts are listed


 * Remove wikilink on MTV


 * "one of the most watched music video" → "one of the most watched music videos"


 * Wikilink Interscope Records


 * The 40 million views are not sourced

Track listings

 * Invoke the appropriate ref(s) for each track listing


 * Pipe Cahill to Cahill (group)


 * Kaskade should only be linked on the first instance
 * >> Lil-unique1  (  talk  ) — 20:50, 25 August 2022 (UTC)

Credits and personnel

 * Use so there is the right space between credits and personnel


 * Pipe arranger to Arrangement instead of the sub-section


 * Pipe lead vocals to Lead vocalist
 * >> Lil-unique1  (  talk  ) — 20:17, 25 August 2022 (UTC)

Weekly charts

 * The peak Australia Dance position is sourced as number 6, not 3


 * Wikilink Euro Digital Songs per MOS:LINK2SECT


 * Pipe Romanian Top 100 to Romanian record charts
 * >> Lil-unique1  (  talk  ) — 20:22, 25 August 2022 (UTC)

Year-end charts

 * Good
 * >> Lil-unique1  (  talk  ) — 20:23, 25 August 2022 (UTC)

Certifications

 * Good
 * >> Lil-unique1  (  talk  ) — 20:24, 25 August 2022 (UTC)

Release history

 * Format → Format(s)


 * Maybe add a separate col for versions?


 * Pipe streaming to Streaming media


 * Digital download and streaming should not linked past the first instance
 * >> Lil-unique1  (  talk  ) — 20:54, 25 August 2022 (UTC)

Final comments and verdict

 * until all of the issues are fixed; this is a bit messy but shouldn't be too hard to fix! --K. Peake 11:02, 23 August 2022 (UTC)
 * thorough as always! I'll make a start tonight hopefully. >> Lil-unique1  (  talk  ) — 15:28, 23 August 2022 (UTC)
 * It is good that you are making progress on this, however my comments about using Scherzinger or the singer more in the music video section are because it is repetitive to write she so many times and ref 8 should either only cite MTV or Buzzworthy. --K. Peake 08:36, 28 August 2022 (UTC)
 * Sorry this has taken a while, I've addressed all the comments. 95% + have been done as requested, where I haven't I've left a comment/explanation or done something slightly different. >> Lil-unique1  (  talk  ) — 23:45, 2 September 2022 (UTC)
 * ✅ now, I understand why you didn't implement some changes and I have done brief copy editing! --K. Peake 08:39, 3 September 2022 (UTC)
 * @Kyle Peake Mucho thanko Amigo >> Lil-unique1  (  talk  ) — 14:12, 3 September 2022 (UTC)