Talk:Donda/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Realmaxxver (talk · contribs) 22:36, 28 November 2021 (UTC)

Going to add some comments soon. Right away I will say that the "Cover art" section feels too short to be it's own section. Given that the section deals with how the album packaging looked before album release, it could work as the first subsection of "Release and promotion". Realmaxxver (talk) 22:36, 28 November 2021 (UTC)
 * Thanks for picking this up, as the retention period for Kanye West studio albums GT is literally today! Regarding your above comment, I was actually not the one who added a separate section for the cover and this has now been moved into release and promotion as a sub-section. --K. Peake 09:27, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
 * To be honest, I did not know about the retention period thing. Realmaxxver (talk) 21:28, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
 * I have worked in all of your suggetstions apart from in areas where I disagreed and if you have any responses to my questions about implementation, please add. --K. Peake 22:11, 19 December 2021 (UTC)

Media review

 * Source information should be included for Donda Listening Event Atlanta 1.png and Donda Listening Event Chicago.png
 * Thanks to for completing this as they noted below; I wasn't sure if this meant sources on the imgs or accompanying text but now I see! --K. Peake 10:04, 30 November 2021 (UTC)


 * When hovering over the images, they link to DaBaby and Marilyn Manson (Although already linked in the image caption)
 * ✅ removed the overlinks --K. Peake 10:04, 30 November 2021 (UTC)

Besides that, the images are okay. Realmaxxver (talk) 04:10, 30 November 2021 (UTC)
 * I've gone and tracked down sources and added them to the pages for the images similarly to Donda (Mercedes-Benz Stadium).jpg. Nicenice23 (talk) 09:13, 30 November 2021 (UTC)


 * , I forgot to mention this, but File:New Again.mp3 is too long to be less than 10% of the song (original song is 183 seconds long; file is 23 seconds long). 16:13, 4 December 2021 (UTC)
 * ✅ --K. Peake 11:54, 6 December 2021 (UTC)

Comments
Lead
 * "Guest vocals from the Sunday Service Choir, Jay-Z, Playboi Carti, Lil Baby, The Weeknd, Vory, DaBaby, and Marilyn Manson, among others, are featured." It could also be mentioned that Chris Brown was previously on the album; "Guest vocals from the Sunday Service Choir, Jay-Z, Playboi Carti, Lil Baby, The Weeknd, Vory, DaBaby, and Marilyn Manson, among others, are featured, and the album previously featured Chris Brown."
 * ✅ with changes to be less repetitive and add context --K. Peake 08:07, 1 December 2021 (UTC)


 * "followed by a second event there on August 5 that set a record for the biggest Apple Music livestream ever." WP:DUPLINK at "Apple Music livestream"
 * ✅ saw the lead sub-section at that guideline --K. Peake 08:07, 1 December 2021 (UTC)


 * "and is set to be followed by both "Believe What I Say" and "Off the Grid" in November." needs to be updated now.
 * ✅ --K. Peake 08:07, 1 December 2021 (UTC)


 * "Donda is nominated for both Album of the Year and Best Rap Album at the 64th Annual Grammy Awards," replace "is nominated" with "is a nominee"
 * ✅ --K. Peake 08:07, 1 December 2021 (UTC)

Background


 * "On June 26, 2020, West unveiled a collaboration between his fashion company Yeezy and clothing retailer Gap alongside the launch of the #WestDayEver promotional campaign on Twitter," change to "On June 26, 2020, West unveiled a collaboration between his fashion company Yeezy and clothing retailer Gap, and also launched the #WestDayEver promotional campaign on Twitter,"
 * ✅ --K. Peake 09:16, 3 December 2021 (UTC)


 * "One of the projects was a music video for the track "Wash Us in the Blood" that features fellow rapper Travis Scott, directed by Jafa; the video was released on June 30, following a teaser in which West officially announced the album's title as God's Country.[2][3]" The song itself was released on the same day of the music video, which should be mentioned; maybe something like "One of the projects was a music video for the track "Wash Us in the Blood" that features fellow rapper Travis Scott, directed by Jafa; the video was released on June 30, the same day the song was released, which followed a teaser in which West officially announced the album's title as God's Country.[2][3]"
 * ✅ --K. Peake 09:14, 3 December 2021 (UTC)


 * "On July 21, 2020, West confirmed the album title had been changed to Donda in honor of his mother, who he had also named his creative company after.[7][8]" problems with WP:EASTEREGG with the link to "Donda (company)", since it looks like it links to creative company. I suggest expanding the link to "his creative company".
 * ✅ --K. Peake 09:14, 3 December 2021 (UTC)


 * "On July 17, Consequence posted a video of West in the studio with Tyler, the Creator on Instagram.[16] The caption of the post suggested a summer 2021 album release.[16]" could be merged into two sentences, like "On July 17, Consequence posted a video of West in the studio with Tyler, the Creator on Instagram,[16] whose caption suggested a summer 2021 album release.[16]" there is also WP:CITEKILL here.
 * ✅ --K. Peake 17:55, 4 December 2021 (UTC)


 * "Immediately following the commercial's debut, Def Jam reaffirmed the album's release date and revealed that the Atlanta listening event would be globally livestreamed on Apple Music.[21][22]" May be a bit redundant, might be better to either remove "immediately" or replace "following" with "after"
 * ✅ used "directly" since that's more encyclopedic --K. Peake 17:55, 4 December 2021 (UTC)

Recording


 * "That same month, GOOD Music president Pusha T stated in a Discord interview that he had been recording with West recently.[24] Pusha T was planning to meet with West on March 16, 2020, to complete a project, but cited "flights slowing down" due to COVID travel restrictions as the reason for a delay.[24]" More WP:CITEKILL
 * ✅ --K. Peake 11:32, 6 December 2021 (UTC)


 * "After "Hurricane" was first previewed, it went through various iterations, with contributions from artists such as 6ix9ine, KayCyy, and American musician Ty Dolla Sign.[31][33][34]" It could be mentioned that Ty Dolla Sign would be featured in "Junya pt 2", like "After "Hurricane" was first previewed, it went through various iterations, with contributions from artists such as 6ix9ine, KayCyy, and American musician Ty Dolla Sign.[31][33][34], of which the latter would feature on "Junya pt 2" "
 * ✅ --K. Peake 11:32, 6 December 2021 (UTC)


 * "However, none of their contributions made the final cut, which features vocals from Lil Baby and Canadian singer the Weeknd.[34]" multiple different comments with this one:
 * Does "However, none of their contributions made the final cut" refer to on the song or on the album? see previous comment.
 * ✅ clarified with "the final cut of "Hurricane" --K. Peake 11:32, 6 December 2021 (UTC)
 * WP:CITEKILL with this sentence and the sentence before this.
 * kept two refs for the Lil Baby sentence per one mentioning the quote and the other being for Wyoming --K. Peake 11:32, 6 December 2021 (UTC)
 * replace "which features" with "and they would be replaced with"
 * ✅ --K. Peake 11:32, 6 December 2021 (UTC)


 * "Court filings obtained on June 14 revealed that West was recording for the album in Honolulu, Hawaii, after reportedly "freaking out" during his deposition in an ongoing lawsuit with tech company MyChannel; he held sessions at Island Studio in the city.[36][37][38] Singer-songwriter Syleena Johnson worked on music in San Francisco on July 15, 2021, indicating via an Instagram post that she was collaborating with West.[39]":
 * Change layout of the first sentence to "Court filings obtained on June 14 revealed that West was recording for the album in Honolulu, Hawaii, where he held sessions at Island Studio, after reportedly "freaking out" during his deposition in an ongoing lawsuit with tech company MyChannel.[36][37][38]"
 * ✅ --K. Peake 08:27, 8 December 2021 (UTC)
 * replace "on July 15, 2021" to "a month later"
 * used "around a month later" instead since the gap is not an exact month's time --K. Peake 08:27, 8 December 2021 (UTC)

Scrapped tracks


 * I think this subsection could work better as a "Songs" subsection
 * ✅ that is wise when some were included on the deluxe edition --K. Peake 07:31, 9 December 2021 (UTC)
 * I did not say that the subsection should be renamed, but that it would fit better as a subsection under the "Songs" section itself. Realmaxxver (talk) 22:45, 9 December 2021 (UTC)
 * ❌ for this since that section is describing the music and lyrics of songs, also current title can stay because what I wrote about the deluxe stands. --K. Peake 07:42, 10 December 2021 (UTC)


 * "A song titled "Never Abandon Your Family" was previewed at the respective listening events for Donda on July 22 and August 6, 2021.[52]" replace "respective" with "first two"
 * ✅ --K. Peake 07:31, 9 December 2021 (UTC)


 * "Rapper Soulja Boy originally recorded a verse for the track "Remote Control", although he was not included on the final version of the song." add to the end of the sentence; "Rapper Soulja Boy originally recorded a verse for the track "Remote Control", although he was not included on the final version of the song, being replaced with Young Thug."
 * ✅ also added West's apology for more context --K. Peake 07:31, 9 December 2021 (UTC)

Music and lyrics
 * "Donda covers the stylistic groundwork of West's previous albums;[67][68] it has been described as a hip hop,[69][70] gospel,[71][72] progressive rap,[70] and pop record.[73][74] The album includes elements of trap, drill, boom bap,[75] hip house, and rock.[76]" merge these two sentences into something like "Donda covers the stylistic groundwork of West's previous albums;[67][68] it has been described as a hip hop,[69][70] gospel,[71][72] progressive rap,[70] and pop record,[73][74] but Donda also includes elements of trap, drill, boom bap,[75] hip house, and rock.[76]"
 * ✅ --K. Peake 09:49, 12 December 2021 (UTC)


 * "References to addiction and mental instability are prominent,[67] as well as Kanye West's ego and his family,[71] including the collapse of his marriage with Kardashian and thoughts about Donda.[68][73]" suggesting changing "Donda" to either "Donda West" or "his mother"
 * ❌ see MOS:SAMESURNAME to understand that I haven't used either of the latter two due to her having already been introduced by this point and Kanye West also being mentioned in this sentence --K. Peake 09:49, 12 December 2021 (UTC)

Songs


 * "The album's opening track, "Donda Chant", consists of singer Syleena Johnson chanting Donda West's forename repeatedly for nearly a minute.[67][79]" Syleena Johnson is already linked in the Recording section
 * ✅ used her surname and removed the wikilink as things were originally, but I don't know who wrote the full name here. --K. Peake 08:50, 13 December 2021 (UTC)


 * "It contains a Drake diss from West, who alludes to Certified Lover Boy's delayed release.[77][78]" I was originally going to suggest you change "who alludes" to "which alludes" but after looking at the sources, I do not know what this is supposed to mean.
 * ✅ if this reads ok now? --K. Peake 08:50, 13 December 2021 (UTC)


 * ""No Child Left Behind" is the album's final track before the second versions of songs and features Vory uttering the titular phrase in reference to the education act signed by 2001–2009 US president George W. Bush," This is also WP:EASTEREGG, and the link should be changed from "education act" to "the educational act"
 * ✅ if this works to avoid repetition of the title? --K. Peake 08:50, 13 December 2021 (UTC)

Release and promotion


 * "along with an August 27 release date, before the date was revised to six days later.[97][98] Conflictingly, Apple Music displayed the release date to be August 15, before one set for five days later appeared on the service.[97][99]" This seems a bit repetitive. I would suggest replacing "for five days later" with "for August 20"
 * ✅ with the year added since it was not used on the last occasion and this is a new sentence --K. Peake 07:36, 15 December 2021 (UTC)


 * ""Hurricane" reached number 12 on the Swedish Singles Chart, while it debuted five places higher on the UK Singles Chart.[113][114]" → ""Hurricane" reached number 12 on the Swedish Singles Chart, with it debuting five places higher on the UK Singles Chart.[113][114]"
 * ✅ --K. Peake 07:36, 15 December 2021 (UTC)


 * " On November 30, 2021, "Believe What I Say" and "Off the Grid"were released as singles to US rhythmic and urban contemporary radio stations, respectively," forgot to add a space after "Off the Grid"
 * ✅ I accidentally wrote "Off the Gride" initially, so looks like from one error to another. --K. Peake 07:36, 15 December 2021 (UTC)


 * "A music video for "Come to Life" was released on September 2, 2021.[119] The video features footage from the album's third listening event at Soldier Field, showing West setting on fire then reuniting with Kardashian.[119] A music video for "24" was released on September 16, 2021.[120] The video begins with footage from Donda's second Mercedes-Benz Stadium listening event of West ascending towards the sky, before he rises above the stadium and floats around among clouds.[120]";
 * WP:CITEKILL
 * WP:CITEKILL is also seen here: "A clip for "Donda Chant" was shared exclusively to Instagram by West on September 19, 2021.[121] The black-and-white visual incorporates aerial footage from the album's Soldier Field listening event that shows the replica of Kanye West's childhood home, on which flashes of old pictures of Donda are projected.[121]"
 * ✅ for both --K. Peake 07:36, 15 December 2021 (UTC)


 * change the passage on the 24 music video to "A music video for "24" was released on two weeks later, and begins with footage from Donda's second Mercedes-Benz Stadium listening event of West ascending towards the sky, before he rises above the stadium and floats around among clouds.[120]"
 * ✅ but I used "two weeks after the one for "Come to Life"" because this is two sentences after the release date --K. Peake 07:36, 15 December 2021 (UTC)

Cover art


 * Suggest changing the value in the  parameter in the Multiple image template to horizontal
 * ✅ --K. Peake 08:02, 16 December 2021 (UTC)


 * "A woman is shown in monochromatic red on the painting and a matching ponytail flows behind her," change layout to "In the painting, a woman is shown in monochromatic red and a matching ponytail flows behind her,"
 * ✅ --K. Peake 08:02, 16 December 2021 (UTC)

Streaming performance and updates


 * "The album also set a new record by reaching number one on Apple Music's top albums chart in 152 countries in its first day, and earned the third-biggest first day debut streams for an album.[129] West and Donda broke the 2021 record for the most-streamed artist and album in one day on Apple Music, while 19 of the top-20 tracks on the service's Top 100 Global songs chart were from the album.[129]":
 * WP:CITEKILL
 * ✅ --K. Peake 08:02, 16 December 2021 (UTC)
 * "West and Donda" seems unnecessary
 * ✅ --K. Peake 08:02, 16 December 2021 (UTC)


 * This is more of a general comment for this section, but in the text before the subsections, the use of dates in this section can get a bit repetitve. For example, in places like "On August 20, 2021, the service listed a release date of August 28, one day after Donda's third listening party; Thiam reaffirmed that the release would come after the event.[100] On August 27, 2021," the last date of "August 27, 2021," should be "August 27"
 * I avoided writing out full dates when I didn't need to, but they are important to be used if the year has not been mentioned on the previous occasion for proper context. --K. Peake 08:02, 16 December 2021 (UTC)

Listening events


 * "West held a private listening event for the album at ChurchLV in Las Vegas on July 18, 2021, which required registration and was invite-only.[152] It started at 6:30 p.m. and finished at 8 p.m.[152]" WP:CITEKILL
 * ✅ --K. Peake 22:13, 18 December 2021 (UTC)


 * "West was completely silent throughout and paced the length of the stage at points, where he was unaccompanied.[158][160] The listening event sold out Mercedes-Benz Stadium's 2021 capacity of 42,000, alongside setting a record for the biggest Apple Music livestream worldwide, with over 3.3 million viewers.[158][160]" more WP:CITEKILL
 * ✅ --K. Peake 22:13, 18 December 2021 (UTC)


 * "The listening party had over 40,000 attendees, though only four of them took a shot of the Pfizer–BioNTech COVID-19 vaccine that they were invited to receive there.[165] It surpassed West's own record for the most popular livestream on Apple Music, drawing in 5.4 million viewers.[165]":
 * "though only four of them took a shot of the Pfizer–BioNTech COVID-19 vaccine that they were invited to receive there.[165]" might be a bit WP:EXCESSDETAIL
 * WP:CITEKILL
 * I kept the vaccine detail since it is notable when they were invited to take this at the event --K. Peake 22:13, 18 December 2021 (UTC)

Critical reception
 * The first paragraph is really short, could it be combined with the next paragraph?
 * ❌ the overview and aggregators are separated from actual reviews appropriately --K. Peake 22:13, 18 December 2021 (UTC)


 * "Charles Lyons-Burt of Slant Magazine felt impressed with Donda, believing it to feature West at "arguably the most vulnerable and broken that [he] has allowed himself to appear on record".[84] Lyons-Burt also praised the themes and production, and concluded by labeling the album West's "most unforgiving self-portrait yet".[84]" WP:CITEKILL
 * regarding this and all of the other cite kill examples here, shouldn't a ref be used more than once in a para when each sentence uses direct quotes? --K. Peake 22:13, 18 December 2021 (UTC)


 * "Marcus Shorter hailed Donda as the rapper's best album since Yeezus at Consequence, describing it as "ambitious, raw, indulgent, and, after several revisions, a cohesive vision".[73]" change to "Writing for Consequence, Marcus Shorter hailed Donda as the rapper's best album since Yeezus, describing it as "ambitious, raw, indulgent, and, after several revisions, a cohesive vision".[73]"
 * ✅ --K. Peake 22:13, 18 December 2021 (UTC)


 * The following text is all WP:CITEKILL:
 * "Wood asserted that Donda registers more as a way "of maintaining Kanye's powerful social standing" than "an organized aesthetic experience", characterizing it as feeling "slapdash" due to the disorganized themes.[70] He went on to praise how the album takes from West's various eras of the past, such as Yeezus, Jesus Is King, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, and 808s & Heartbreak.[70]"
 * "Kornhaber gave the album a negative review, writing that "supposed transcendence comes to feel suspiciously like regression" while surrender feels like "self-exculpation".[69] He complained how the album "aches" for "a miracle to unfold" of similarity to the accompanying listening events and harshly asserted that it seems like "a career's worth of B-sides", despite crediting the highlights for being "pretty good".[69]"
 * "Jonny Coleman, writing for The Hollywood Reporter, called Donda a "slog", feeling confused as to what the album "is supposed to be the soundtrack for", admitting it is neither a "party record" nor inviting of introspection. Coleman also believed the album lacks spirituality besides literal references, saying it is "not really a radio record", and is "disposable and forgettable, like so much of culture spat down to us during COVID".[181] In particular, Coleman felt the album lacked thematic coherence and reverence for Donda West, viewing it as self-indulgent.[181]"

Commercial performance
 * "It reached the summit of the US Top Christian Albums and Top Gospel Albums charts too," change to "It also reached the summit of the US Top Christian Albums and Top Gospel Albums charts,"
 * ✅ --K. Peake 22:11, 19 December 2021 (UTC)


 * "In Canada, Donda topped the Canadian Albums Chart.[195] On November 23, 2021, it was certified gold by Music Canada (MC) for shelving 40,000 album-equivalent units in the country.[196]" merge these into a single sentence; "In Canada, Donda topped the Canadian Albums Chart,[195] and on November 23, 2021, it was certified gold by Music Canada (MC) for shelving 40,000 album-equivalent units in the country.[196]"
 * ✅ --K. Peake 22:11, 19 December 2021 (UTC)


 * "Elsewhere, the album entered atop the ARIA Albums chart in Australia, standing as West's fourth number-one release on the chart. This led to him joining 5 Seconds of Summer, Justin Bieber, Keith Urban, Kings of Leon, and Lady Gaga as one of the acts to achieve their fourth number-one album in the 2020s decade.[197] The debut increased West's number of chart-topping weeks to five, alongside giving the rapper his ninth top-10 release on the ARIA Albums chart. 19 of Donda's tracks debuted within the top-50 of the ARIA Singles chart; "Hurricane" charted the highest at number four.[197] The entries surpassed Taylor Swift's milestone of 16 debuts in the top-50, as well as the record held by both Post Malone and Michael Jackson for 17 tracks present within this ranking. The album also topped the New Zealand Albums chart.[197]" WP:CITEKILL
 * are you sure this is really cite kill when it's as long as six sentences, so the ref should probably be invoked more than once? --K. Peake 22:11, 19 December 2021 (UTC)


 * "The album also topped the New Zealand Albums chart.[197] By October 4, 2021, it had been certified gold by the Recorded Music NZ (RMNZ) for shipments of 7,500 units in New Zealand.[198]" merge the sentences; "The album also topped the New Zealand Albums chart,[197] and by October 4, 2021, it had been certified gold by the Recorded Music NZ (RMNZ) for shipments of 7,500 units in New Zealand.[198]"

Comments about prose finished! Realmaxxver (talk) 21:50, 18 December 2021 (UTC)

Source review

 * Ref 223 and 224 are WP:BARELINK
 * ✅ I removed these since the source is unreliable --K. Peake 22:11, 19 December 2021 (UTC)


 * I am going to pass this article now, but noticing that a lot of the listed publications used as sources are used at Kids See Ghosts (album) (GQ, NME, Billboard, Complex, Consequence, Uproxx and Rolling Stone), I think this article may already be ready for FA! (though if you do want to put this article through FAC, feel free to start a peer review beforehand. Should've done that with William Utermohlen before I started that first FAC. ) Realmaxxver (talk) 22:38, 19 December 2021 (UTC)
 * Thanks a lot for the pass and being so constructive during this review, I was thinking as well that the article could become a FA with its large size, however I would read through this again in detail to check the standard is met then submit for a peer review. Also, I have submitted a supplementary nomination of the album for Kanye West studio albums, care to comment? --K. Peake 08:20, 20 December 2021 (UTC)