Talk:Donnie Demers

Conflict of interest
This entry seems to have been written by the subject or a family member of the subject. It reads like a press release, and needs to be rewritten from a more neutral perspective. Wperdue (talk) 22:10, 27 February 2009 (UTC)wperdue

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Suggested changes
Moving a content discussion from user talk pages to here.

Demers’s first name appears in the infobox, the article’s first paragraph, and several sources' titles. Unless we're differentiating between Donnie and his brother, he needs to be referred to strictly by his last name to avoid too much familiarity and/or closeness with the subject.


 * "In 1982, Donnie Demers made his first National Television appearance on the 'Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon' broadcast live from Caesars Palace in Las Vegas. He performed his original song, "If We Fell in Love Again," receiving a standing ovation that prompted Jerry Lewis to hold an unscheduled interview with the young composer."

The first sentence needs to stop after "broadcast." The word "original" can go because if it were someone else's song, we couldn't call it "his." A lot of people might want to remove the mentions of the standing O and the impromptu interview but I'd keep them just because I genuinely find them interesting.


 * "In 1983, producers of the Jerry Lewis Telethon commissioned Donnie Demers to write their National Jingle promoting the annual Labor Day broadcast. That jingle, "Labor Day Is America's Day (for MDA)" premiered over television and radio stations nationwide from 1983-1984 during pre-Telethon promotion. That same year, Donnie returned to the show where he performed his song, "Because of Dreams.""

"National Jingle" isn't the only instance here where something is capitalized for no clear reason. I'd remove the last sentence because unlike the 1982 performance, there's no indication this performance was more or less notable than other performances at this event, of which I'm sure there were dozens.


 * "On September 5, 1983, the mayor of Worcester, Massachusetts, Sara Robertson, proclaimed September 5 as "Donnie Demers Day" citing, "Despite the limitations of having Muscular Dystrophy, Donnie Demers has risen to inspirational heights as a composer, lyricist and musician." The ceremony took place during the locally televised portion of the Jerry Lewis Telethon on WCVB-TV Boston, however Donnie was unable to attend the ceremony because he was in Las Vegas performing for the National segment of the show."

I'd remove this entire paragraph. Whether or not it's factual is badly overwhelmed by the fact that it heavily promotes Demers and, if I'm a passing reader with no awareness of who he is, this doesn't add to my knowledge like prose about his music, his family, and his disability does.


 * "In 1992, Donnie's original composition, "Second Chance" was a featured song in the film "Double Trouble" directed by John Paragon and starring David Paul, Peter Paul, Roddy McDowall and David Carradine."

This is another thing I don't understand but they hate when inline external links appear in articles' prose. (There's also the fact that, since IMDb doesn't have professional editors review amateurs' submissions, we don't like to use it except in "External links" sections.) I'd remove "featured" and replace "original composition" with "song" unless the version that's heard in the movie was performed by someone else.


 * "In 2008, Donnie Demers wrote the words and music to three songs on the Concord Music Group Record Label release of the debut album "Dream a Little" by his brother Jimmy Demers."

I'd remove this. If we mention every song by every musician, articles get massively clogged so it's supposed to be limited to songs with obviously notable live performances, like Demers at the telethon in 1982, or songs that have charted.


 * "In February 2009, Donnie Demers performed "Benediction (Let the Best of You Go Free)", the theme song that he wrote for the 2009 Special Olympics World Games in Boise, Idaho. He performed the song with his brother Jimmy, along with a full orchestra and choir live at the Ford Idaho Center for the Opening Ceremonies. The Demers brothers also performed Over the Rainbow at the Closing Ceremonies."

The Special Olympics stage far more events than once every four years and musical performances at most of those would not be considered notable. I have no expertise in this so the words "World Games" are having me wait on this. Would "the 2009 Special Olympics World Games" be considered an exceptional event compared to most Special Olympics events?


 * "On September 27, 2014, Donnie's song, "Save Your Love For Me" was performed by international recording artist Carly Paoli at the 2014 David Foster Foundation Miracle Concert in Calgary, Alberta Canada. Other performers included singer Jennifer Hudson, Steven Tyler and Jackie Evancho. The charity event raised a record 8.2 million dollars."

Paoli cannot be referred to as "international recording artist" since it's the sort of terminology she might use in promotional materials and not a particularly helpful explanation of what kind of music she makes. The last two sentences have to go because, since they have nothing to do with Demers, they're name-dropping and boasting about the money raised so they're purely promotional. And overall, I think the entire paragraph has to go. The concert doesn't have an article on here and it's not mentioned on Foster's article.


 * "On April 22–25, 2015, Donnie's song, "Inspire the World" (co-written by Terry Coffey) was written for and featured throughout the FIRST Robotics Competition founded by Dean Kamen and Woodie Flowers. The event took place in St Louis, Missouri at Edward Jones Dome. "Inspire the World" was specifically written as an anthem to promote awareness and recognition of FIRST (For Inspiration and Recognition of Science and Technology) (FIRST)."

Here's more issues with name-dropping (Kamen and Flowers) and the bolded letters seem like an effort to draw attention, meaning they're promotional. The event's location doesn't matter unless Demers was there. There's probably a way to integrate the last sentence into the first one and ease up on promo-ish terminology like "awareness and recognition," which to me seems redundant anyway.


 * "On April 29, 2016, Donnie's song, "Broken Heart" (co written by Benoit Poher) was released on the second studio album Au cœur de moi (English: At the Heart of Me) from French-Israeli singer Amir Haddad through Warner Music Group."

This has to go unless Haddad's version of the song charted or was a major part of a major live performance.


 * "On September 30, 2016, Donnie's song, "Save Your Love For Me" was officially released by British Mezzo-Soprano Carly Paoli. The track was recorded by the London Symphony Orchestra at Abbey Road Studios in London."

Just like with Haddad's song, this has to go since the song doesn't appear to have charted or been performed at a major event.


 * "On March 10, 2017, Donnie's original song, "My Everything" was released by British soprano Joanna Forest on her debut album, Stars Are Rising - The track was recorded in Prague with the City of Prague Philharmonic Orchestra. It was arranged, conducted and produced by Robert Emery and co-produced by Moritz Schneider on behalf of Arts Festivals, going straight to number one in the Official UK Classical Album Charts."

Same as the previous two songs.  City O f  Silver  16:26, 20 March 2017 (UTC)