Talk:Dragon Ball/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: ComputerJA (talk · contribs) 21:26, 2 September 2013 (UTC)


 * I'll be reviewing this in the next 1-5 days! Thanks in advance for your work on this article. ComputerJA ( ☎  •  ✎  ) 21:26, 2 September 2013 (UTC)
 * Thanks and just as a quick note since this is a peer review of sorts, any pressing issues can be near immediately addressed within the next 48 hours if you have any major concerns. The anime content was recently split off to its own article just prior to the nomination with Dragon Ball Z being the first, the manga may also be applicable and greatly condense some of the page as well. The goal of getting this as the first GA for a topic overview of a complex body of works is very important to me and I will do everything I can to balance the content needs as per your suggestions if you find anything lacking or out of place. For instance I had added a brief section on GT's plot and the standalone films, but that was removed for preference to the Toriyama "canon". If you prefer it back in, I'd gladly do so. I have the materials to address almost any issue on hand. ChrisGualtieri (talk) 16:21, 5 September 2013 (UTC)

Review
Overall, a very good article. Most of the article is well-written, properly sourced, and thorough. I want to thank all the editors who have contributed to make this project possible. The DB series marked my life as a child, and I am glad I have the opportunity to review this. Now, below are some of my concerns before the article passes. This is the first part of the review; I will also be checking sources for accuracy and if they are reliable, but this is the larger chunk of the review. Thanks for your work on this one! ComputerJA ( ☎  •  ✎  ) 03:21, 7 September 2013 (UTC)

Intro

 * in the United Kingdom by Gollancz Manga, and Australia and New Zealand by Madman Entertainment. – This is not cited anywhere in the body paragraphs.
 * Fixed, can't believe I missed this. Cited in body now with new Nook distribution by Viz for the UK as well. ChrisGualtieri (talk) 04:10, 7 September 2013 (UTC)

Plot

 * Together they go on a quest to find the seven Dragon Balls (ドラゴンボール?), which grant the user any wish they desire before spreading back out across the world – Consider revising to “the seven Dragon Balls, which have the ability to grant a wish to anyone who collects all seven of them before spreading back out across the world."


 * leading to confrontations with the desert bandit Yamcha – The sentence is too long. Consider adding a period to “across the world” and starting the next one with: “Their journey in search of the Dragon Balls leads to confrontations with the desert bandit Yamcha, who later …”


 * and Pilaf, who is also collecting them – Please update to “and Pilaf, a small imp-like emperor who wishes to collect the Dragon Balls and rule the world.


 * After you are done making these updates, please add semicolons after the description of each person.


 * Kuririn is killed after the tournament and Goku chases after the killer – Consider changing chases to goes.


 * youth before destroying Shenlong – Who is Shenlong? Readers unfamiliar with DB will not know who he is.


 * Goku just narrowly wins before quickly leaving with Chi-Chi – Please remove the just.


 * who surprised him by also competing and maintaining he keeps the promise he made to her as children. – Maintaining he keeps the promise does not sound right. Please consider revising. In addition, is the promise marriage? Consider adding that for readers unfamiliar with DB.


 * Goku meets his older brother Raditz – Please add Raditz arrival to Earth. Readers unfamiliar with DB might not understand why Goku’s past was not revealed until now.


 * However, Goku is revived a year later by the Dragon Balls, after training in the afterlife, with the North Kaiō, in order to save the Earth from Nappa and the Saiyan prince Vegeta – Please rephrase to “However, Goku is revived a year later by the Dragon Balls. In the afterlife, Goku trained with the North Kaiō deity in order to save the Earth from Nappa and the Saiyan prince Vegeta.” Also please add, if possible, why the Saiyans went to Earth in the first place.


 * However, they learn that Piccolo and Kami are extraterrestrials called Namekians – Who are "they"?


 * the latter of which teams up with the heroes to fight the Ginyu Force – Explain what the Ginyu Force is, perhaps by adding “the Ginyu Force, an elite squadron under the tutelage of Freeza.”


 * avenges the lives of billions across the galaxy. – I know the Plot section does not need a source, but are you sure Freeza killed billions across the galaxy? I do not remember anything regarding this figure, but maybe you can check for me.


 * are drawn into yet another fight for the universe against a magical being named Majin Boo – This could be trimmed to “are drawn into another fight against a magical being named Majin Boo”.


 * after numerous battles and the destruction of the Earth, Goku destroys Boo having borrowed energy from everyone on the newly revived Earth – I think you should mention the Genki Dama, the attack he used to kill him. Consider changing to “after numerous battles that led to the destruction of Earth, Goku destroys Boo by killing him with the Genki Dama, a powerful attack that borrowed the energy from all human beings on the newly revived Earth," or something similar.


 * Ten years later, at another Tenkaichi Budōkai, Goku meets Boo's human reincarnation, Oob. Leaving the match between the two of them unfinished, Goku takes Oob away on a journey to train him. – Please mention that Oob is not evil. Readers unfamiliar with DB might think that Goku’s decision to train him is illogical.
 * All done I think. Changed quite a bit around and tried to clear up some of it while dropping the fluff. ChrisGualtieri (talk) 04:53, 7 September 2013 (UTC)

Production

 * Toriyama has admitted several times that he didn't plan out the details of the story – Change to did not.


 * resulting in strange occurrences and discrepancies later in the series – Not needed but do you have access to the sources? I think adding some of the major discrepancies would be interesting.
 * Fixed. And those sources, no. I opted to combine the two sentences as the first is an example of the error (swapped colors) and the other is with the screen tone use. ChrisGualtieri (talk) 05:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)

Manga

 * Written and illustrated by Akira Toriyama, Dragon Ball was initially serialized in the manga anthology Weekly Shōnen Jump starting on December 3, 1984 – Why is Akira linked here and not on the Production section? Consider removing the link here and adding it on the section above per WP:OVERLINK.
 * ✅ ChrisGualtieri (talk) 05:03, 7 September 2013 (UTC)

Media

 * The Dragon Ball manga was licensed for release in English in North America by Viz Media which has released all 42 volumes – Sentence does not flow well with release being used twice. Consider rephrasing to “… Viz Media, which has
 * ✅ ChrisGualtieri (talk) 05:07, 7 September 2013 (UTC)

TV appearances and other animations

 * referred to as Dream 9 Toriko & One Piece & Dragon Ball Z Super Collaboration Special!! aired April 7, 2013 – Correct to "on April 7, 2013."


 * called Dragon Ball Online is currently playable. It has been stated that Akira Toriyama has been working on character designs for this project for several years, and the game is available in Japan and South Korea – Since when? Please add the release date. Maybe Toriyama is done doing the character designs.
 * ✅ Since the DBO Korean servers are shutting down I made that referenced but dropped the Toriyama character designs, while credited as the source of the material, the dead link seems odd to say that his designs were in production for 5 year prior to even the alpha/beta test. The article on it is rather poor and all non-English, so this may have to do for context. ChrisGualtieri (talk) 05:20, 7 September 2013 (UTC)

Collectable cards

 * released under Bandai. – What is Bandai?
 * ✅ Added the source from the NA release as well. ChrisGualtieri (talk) 05:26, 7 September 2013 (UTC)

Reception

 * "when Dragon Ball came out, a fair number of shonen manga starred manly, built heroes, like City Hunter and Fist of the North Star, but Dragon Ball started a trend towards cartoonishness that continues to this day.", "And if it doesn't look like an appropriate art style for a gritty action series, that's because it isn't. The first great thing about Dragon Ball is that it's an action manga drawn by a gag manga artist.” – Though I did enjoy the other quotes, I think this can be paraphrased per WP:QUOTES.


 * using dramatic pacing and over the top martial arts action - Fix to over-the-top.


 * Ridwan Khan from Animefringe.com commented the manga to have a "chubby" art style but as the series continued it gets more refined with the characters leaner and more muscular. – Fix to “commented that the manga had a “chubby” art style but as the series continued the characters got more refined, leaner, and more muscular.


 * He also noted he preferred the manga versions of the series to their animated counterparts that make the story slower and pointless – Not sure what this means but consider changing to: “to their animated counterparts, who he believes make the story slower and pointless.”


 * compared to how Funimation "throws in useless dialogue" into their English dub of the anime. – Please link Funimation.


 * Also noted was the fact that Viz decided to stop censoring the series – Add "they" at the beginning.


 * "There is just a wider tolerance for sexuality in Japan. It usually is played out humorously and perhaps titillating in a mild way. It's just a difference in cultural sensibilities." – I usually think that quotes should be used when there is no other way to say it without making it lose its meaning. Can you please paraphrase this in your own words? Overuse of quotes per WP:QUOTEFARM.


 * although they admitted they would rather not, they had done so to keep wide distribution – The second part seems like a run-on. Perhaps adding a period after no


 * "Shows like Naruto, YuYu Hakusho, and Bleach are what they are because of the groundwork laid down by DBZ and the formulas it established, formulas which were subsequently borrowed, exploited, and expanded upon by other creators. To deny that is to be stubbornly short-sighted." – This is a stand-alone quote and might be considered unencyclopedic per WP:LONGQUOTE. Please revise.


 * On the second paragraph of the Anime seems to have a bit overuse of quotes. Paraphrase the ones you feel most comfortable with. Also, please fix the “you to believe.",[106] only” by closing the sentence or removing the period.
 * ✅ Agreed on quite a few points. Napier is also difficult to understand without proper context, so I just limited it to differences in culture as the Japanese views on sexuality and crude humor does not need to be discussed in this section. Actually, if I did so I would need another book of mine which shows that nudity is not for sexual arousal, but instead for crude humor or drama. The Freeza matter is resolved as well. ChrisGualtieri (talk) 05:51, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * Wow, nice job, Chris. Thank you for addressing the concerns above. I'll be reviewing sources for accuracy and be posting if I have any concerns. After that, the article will be ready. Should not take me too long. Thanks again, ComputerJA ( ☎  •  ✎  ) 08:36, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the pass. ChrisGualtieri (talk) 02:25, 8 September 2013 (UTC)