Talk:Dreamland (Coney Island, 1904)/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Adog (talk · contribs) 07:21, 5 August 2023 (UTC)

I might as well pick up this one too! I should have this fully reviewed by Sunday, August 6, or, Monday, August 7. Stay tuned. Adog ( Talk ・ Cont ) 07:21, 5 August 2023 (UTC)

The following are suggestions for the editor-at-large. If the suggestions for grammar or sentence structure are improper or not appropriate, the editor may disregard:

Prose
Infobox
 * Source for "opened" can be included in the prose, likely at its first instance in "Operations: 1904 to 1907".
 * Done. Epicgenius (talk) 20:57, 7 August 2023 (UTC)

Lead

 * Several buildings, such as the Pompeiian, Electricity, and Submarine Boat buildings, were dedicated to exhibits. The second instance of "buildings" may be omitted.
 * I changed the first use of "buildings" to "structures", as the names of the buildings were literally "Pompeiian Building", "Electricity Building", etc. The second instance of "buildings" is lowercased because that is a common-noun portion of a proper name (in the same way that one may say "Surf and Stillwell avenues"). Epicgenius (talk) 20:57, 7 August 2023 (UTC)
 * Firefighters were unable to control the fire because of low water pressure, and nearly all of the structures were quickly destroyed, although no one was killed; Omit the comma before "and"?
 * Done. Epicgenius (talk) 20:57, 7 August 2023 (UTC)
 * The northern portion of the site ... might read better as The site's northern portion ....
 * Done. Epicgenius (talk) 20:57, 7 August 2023 (UTC)

Development

 * The Edison Company was hired to manufacture the park's lights in late 1903 ... I assume they were hired by the Wonderland Company, if not, an individual person related to the project?
 * I think the Wonderland Company itself hired the Edison Company. Epicgenius (talk) 20:57, 7 August 2023 (UTC)
 * In August 1903, Reynolds and several other men established the Wonderland Company, which was capitalized at $1.2 million. The Wonderland Company had been created specifically to develop an amusement park on the site. I feel like the creation and purpose of the company could be one sentence while eliminating its capitalization as it may not hold narrative value. Maybe: In August 1903, Reynolds and several other men established the Wonderland Company specifically to develop an amusement park on the site. if capitalization is necessary, maybe add it at the end with a semi-colon ;the company was capitalized at $1.2 million.
 * Done. Epicgenius (talk) 20:57, 7 August 2023 (UTC)
 * General contractor Edward Johnson Company employed about 2,000 workers, who were employed in three eight-hour shifts I would attempt to replace the one of the "employed". Maybe something like General contractor Edward Johnson Company hired about 2,000 workers, who were employed into three, eight-hour shifts?
 * Done but with different wording. Epicgenius (talk) 20:57, 7 August 2023 (UTC)

Operation
1904 to 1907
 * At the time of its opening, the park was $1.9 million in debt ... "the time of" could be omitted?
 * Done. Epicgenius (talk) 20:57, 7 August 2023 (UTC)

1908 to 1911
 * In spite of its many amusements, Dreamland struggled to compete with Luna Park, which was better managed runs a bit awkward. Maybe: Despite its many amusements, Dreamland struggled to compete with the more efficiently managed Luna Park.
 * Done. Epicgenius (talk) 20:57, 7 August 2023 (UTC)
 * ... George B. McClellan Jr. attempted to prevent the park from staging live shows on Sundays, citing the city's blue laws, although Reynolds strongly opposed the laws second instance of "laws" to "regulations" or simply "them"?
 * I reworded the sentence. This change might cause confusion with regard to "them", which could refer to the shows or the laws. Epicgenius (talk) 20:57, 7 August 2023 (UTC)
 * Dreamland had previously held a license permitting it to present shows seven days a week, but, when the license was renewed in June 1909, the shows were allowed only six days a week to Dreamland had previously held a license permitting the park to present shows seven days a week, but, when it was renewed in June 1909, the shows were allowed only six days a week?
 * I reworded the sentence. This change might cause confusion with regard to "when it was renewed", where "it" may refer to the park or the license. Epicgenius (talk) 20:57, 7 August 2023 (UTC)
 * Various rides such as the Great Divide, Canals of Venice, Tub Ride and Hell Gate ... Comma before "and" assuming these are two rides.
 * Done. Epicgenius (talk) 20:57, 7 August 2023 (UTC)
 * Omar Sami was also hired as Dreamland's carnival barker for the 1911 season, and Dreamland opened for its eighth season on May 20, 1911 to Dreamland also hired Omar Sami as a carnival barker for the 1911 season, and the park opened for its eighth season on May 20, 1911?
 * Done. Epicgenius (talk) 20:57, 7 August 2023 (UTC)

Destruction
Fire *Winds from the ocean caused the fire to quickly spread throughout the park possibly move the modifier "quickly" to the end of the sentence?
 * Although parts of Coney Island had been subjected to strict fire-safety regulations following a conflagration in 1902, these regulations did not apply to Dreamland, which as a result was highly susceptible to fire maybe as Despite the implementation of fire-safety regulations in certain areas of Coney Island after a major blaze in 1902, these regulations were not extended to encompass Dreamland. Consequently, Dreamland remained highly vulnerable to fire hazards?
 * Done. Epicgenius (talk) 20:57, 7 August 2023 (UTC)
 * Early editions of The New York Times claimed the incubator babies had perished in the flames, but in fact the infants ... Comma after "fact"?
 * I reworded the sentence. Epicgenius (talk) 20:57, 7 August 2023 (UTC)
 * The statement ... and the Times subsequently corrected itself. could be a sentence by itself.
 * Done. Epicgenius (talk) 20:57, 7 August 2023 (UTC)
 * According to contemporaneous accounts ... "contemporaneous" to "contemporary"?
 * Done. Epicgenius (talk) 20:57, 7 August 2023 (UTC)
 * The water pressure returned to normal at around 4 a.m., but by then most of the park had been burned runs a bit awkward. Maybe: Around 4 a.m., the water pressure normalized; however, by that time, a significant portion of the park had already been consumed by the fire.
 * Done. Epicgenius (talk) 20:57, 7 August 2023 (UTC)

Aftermath
 * Almost everything in the park was destroyed in the fire. to The fire destroyed almost everything in the park?
 * Done. Epicgenius (talk) 20:57, 7 August 2023 (UTC)
 * Because the entire complex had been constructed of combustible materials, insurers saw the park as high-risk, and consequently the park can be split into two sentences to read the thought better with some word modifications. Maybe: As the entire complex was constructed from flammable materials, insurers regarded the park as a high-risk venture. Consequently, the park was insured for approximately $400,000.
 * Done. Epicgenius (talk) 20:57, 7 August 2023 (UTC)
 * As a result of the fire, 1,600 Dreamland employees lost their jobs; another 900 people had worked ... "had" may be omitted.
 * Done. Epicgenius (talk) 20:57, 7 August 2023 (UTC)

Condemnation proceedings
 * Dreamland's site, on Surf Avenue, thereby splitting the park's site into two section "section" to "sections"?
 * Done. Epicgenius (talk) 20:57, 7 August 2023 (UTC)
 * The Morey and Lott families claimed in late 1911 that nearly all of Coney Island fell under a quitclaim deed granted by Nicholas Johnson, who had greed to sell ... "greed" to "agreed"?
 * Done. Epicgenius (talk) 20:57, 7 August 2023 (UTC)
 * The State Supreme Court was asked ... In the most kind-spirited way, not as the meme, asked by whom?
 * The Assistant Corporation Counsel (for the New York City government), who was mentioned only by his last name (La Motte), asked the State Supreme Court to reduce the award. I will reword this in a bit. Epicgenius (talk) 20:57, 7 August 2023 (UTC)

I will get back on the skim in a bit. Good information to process, I have some suggestions above in the mean time, or I will post the full skim throughout the day! :) Adog  ( Talk ・ Cont ) 17:21, 7 August 2023 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the review . I've done some initial edits and will work on the rest later. Epicgenius (talk) 20:57, 7 August 2023 (UTC)

Subsequent site usage
Southern section
 * Rosoff's lease was canceled the next year. As with Supreme Court, canceled by ...
 * I added that Robert Moses canceled the lease. Epicgenius (talk) 14:35, 10 August 2023 (UTC)
 * In the following sentence, "a 11-acre (4.5 ha)" as "an 11-acre (4.5 ha)"?
 * Done. Epicgenius (talk) 14:35, 10 August 2023 (UTC)

Description

 * Dreamland's illumination cost $4,000 a week; the illumination of the central tower alone cost $100 a night. The second instance of "illumination" as "lighting"?
 * Done. Epicgenius (talk) 14:35, 10 August 2023 (UTC)

Entrance and lagoon
 * The center of the park contained a lagoon surrounded by a promenade. Originally, Dreamland's operators ... as simply The park's center contained a lagoon surrounded by a promenade. Dreamland's operators ...
 * Done. Epicgenius (talk) 14:35, 10 August 2023 (UTC)
 * The following sentence: The lagoon measured 130 feet (40 m) wide and 300 feet (91 m) long and was spanned by a large pedestrian bridge at its southern end maybe as The lagoon measured 130 feet (40 m) wide and 300 feet (91 m) long, featuring a large pedestrian bridge spanning its southern end.
 * Done, with slightly different wording. Epicgenius (talk) 14:35, 10 August 2023 (UTC)

West side
 * Second instance of "contained" in A third structure, next to the Pompeian and Electricity buildings ... could be changed to "included" to avoid repetition with the preceding sentence.
 * Done. Epicgenius (talk) 14:35, 10 August 2023 (UTC)
 * Consider splitting this sentence, The lower half of the building was clad in brick, while the upper half of the building had a timber facade and a tiled gable roof into two for readers to highlight the drastic [difference in] materials used on two parts of the building, such as: The lower half of the building was clad in brick. In contrast, the upper half of the building ...
 * Done. Epicgenius (talk) 14:35, 10 August 2023 (UTC)
 * In the next sentence, triplets aren't introduced and aren't compatible in comparison with "premature babies". I would consider inserting "[comma] including" before triplets.
 * Done. The premature babies who were exhibited were the Dicker triplets. Epicgenius (talk) 14:35, 10 August 2023 (UTC)

Impact

 * The album featured Todd Robbins, alumnus ... "an" before "alumnus"?
 * Done. Epicgenius (talk) 14:35, 10 August 2023 (UTC)

Additional comments or concerns

 * MOS:DUPLINK for "New York City Board of Estimate" in "Condemnation proceedings"; first appearance in "Development".
 * In "1904 to 1907" subsection of "Operation", ... and added a Japanese theater. I would assume it was a Japanese-themed theater. I do not have access to the source for clarity.
 * In "1908 to 1911", a link for wisteria.
 * I've done all of these. Epicgenius (talk) 14:35, 10 August 2023 (UTC)

I did some more spot-checks this morning. I did find an anomaly worth addressing:
 * In "Fire", the subsection of "Destruction", A lion named Black Prince rushed into the streets, among crowds of onlookers, and was shot by police. does not appear in its source here. This source (in the sentence following) does mention a "Black Prince", but not in the context of this sentence: "Captain Jack Bonovita ... while trying to save Black Prince, his favorite lion, fell unconscious from smoke and was dragged to the street". From the four sources grouped together, their stories mention a leopard and a bear roaming free and shot later in the streets. Source to match? Adog  ( Talk ・ Cont ) 16:41, 8 August 2023 (UTC)
 * I've found another source which states that Black Prince actually went onto the street, then up a roller coaster, where he was shot. He was not shot on the street. Epicgenius (talk) 14:35, 10 August 2023 (UTC)

Well written + verifiability
Like a true student, finishing the review before 11:59 p.m. (except I went a little over time). The article is well written with some minor grammatical sentence structure or MOS case listed above. The article features a variety of reliable sources with proper formatting. There are no original research issues. Earwig does pick up some sources, but likely not much in the way of issues. There is one that is 49.5%, but it references Wikipedia. The next features an image with a caption that was user generated, likely from the Wikipedia page here. I would ask to verify some of these commonalities to double-check. Spotchecks are clear for source-to-text integrity and other issues. Besides that very well done! Adog ( Talk ・ Cont ) 04:05, 8 August 2023 (UTC)
 * The Alamy page allows user-submitted captions, so it's entirely possible (in fact, pretty likely) that they copied a caption from the Wikipedia page and used it without attribution. Epicgenius (talk) 14:35, 10 August 2023 (UTC)

Broadness + focus + neutral
The article is broad in scope, focused on the subject, and provides a neutral tone for the content and presentation. I enjoyed reading the article. It was an experience in and of itself. A lot of things made you stop and think about what they were thinking as an amusement park operator, and even more, what society thought was acceptable entertainment. Did not know human zoos were a thing until now. Probably for the best, it burned. Adog ( Talk ・ Cont ) 04:05, 8 August 2023 (UTC)
 * Yeah... These types of attractions would never be acceptable today, but, at the time, Coney Island attractions were still highly experimental. (For example, there was a looping roller coaster next door where people paid to watch others ride because it was one of the first of its kind, but I digress.) Epicgenius (talk) 14:35, 10 August 2023 (UTC)

Stability + images

 * The article is stable, with no active or ongoing disputes in content. Images are properly filed, are relevant to the article, and assist in illustrating the content. Adog  ( Talk ・ Cont ) 17:21, 7 August 2023 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the review . I've addressed all of these issues now. Epicgenius (talk) 14:35, 10 August 2023 (UTC)
 * Awesome. Appreciate the double checks. I cannot imagine a wild animal climbing atop a roller coaster or attraction. Maybe one day we will see a news report of an animal at the Animal Kingdom climbing the big tree. Will pass shortly, nice! Adog  ( Talk ・ Cont ) 21:39, 10 August 2023 (UTC)