Talk:Drive Slow/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Zmbro (talk · contribs) 23:19, 5 November 2020 (UTC)

I'd be more than happy to review :-) – zmbro (talk) 23:19, 5 November 2020 (UTC)

Infobox and lead

 * I'm a little confused about the single. On the album page, it lists this song but here it says the A-side was "We Major". Which one was it?
 * What are you trying to say here, that the A-side was definitely the part released as a single? If so, then maybe I have found this track listing incorrectly --K. Peake 08:20, 6 November 2020 (UTC)
 * I just find it odd that the main page would list the B-side as the single instead of the A-side. – zmbro (talk) 22:53, 6 November 2020 (UTC)


 * Template:Infobox_song says the word "Studios" shouldn't be in the infobox so just shorten "Chalice Studios" to just "Chalice"
 * ✅ --K. Peake 08:20, 6 November 2020 (UTC)


 * Is jazz not notable enough to be in the infobox?
 * Are you sure, since it is only said it include elements? --K. Peake 08:20, 6 November 2020 (UTC)
 * Yeah I guess you're right. You can leave it as is. – zmbro (talk) 22:54, 6 November 2020 (UTC)


 * So it failed to chart at all? If so, I'd change "Though the song received acclaim, it garnered a lack of airplay." to "However, it garnered a lack of airplay and thus failed to chart."
 * I'm not sure, wouldn't that be WP:OR since no source states it didn't chart? --K. Peake 08:20, 6 November 2020 (UTC)
 * Does no source say it failed to chart? That's pretty odd but I guess if nothing says it then I guess that would be WP:OR. – zmbro (talk) 22:53, 6 November 2020 (UTC)


 * "which includes a feature from T.I." → "which includes a feature from rapper T.I."
 * ✅ --K. Peake 08:20, 6 November 2020 (UTC)


 * "His lyrical content on the remix is reflective." I personally don't think this is needed for the lead.
 * ✅ --K. Peake 08:20, 6 November 2020 (UTC)

Background and recording

 * Do we need to say "Paul Wall" every single time? Can it just be shortened to Wall?
 * ❌ it is not his real name, plus I have just said "he" at points on purpose to avoid tedious reading --K. Peake 07:11, 6 November 2020 (UTC)
 * Understood. – zmbro (talk) 22:54, 6 November 2020 (UTC)


 * ""Sittin' Sidewayz" (2005) and he thought" → "Sittin' Sidewayz" (2005). However, he thought"
 * ✅ --K. Peake 07:11, 6 November 2020 (UTC)


 * "despite liking them, deciding to save the verse" → "despite liking them, and decided to save the verse"
 * ✅ --K. Peake 07:11, 6 November 2020 (UTC)


 * I think you can ditch most of the first paragraph after ""to get Punk'd."" It starts to read more like a narrative rather than an encyclopedia article. I would keep the last sentence, and reword it to "After recording the collaboration, Wall recalled that he did not believe it was included on Late Registration until DJ Drama contacted him.[2]"
 * ✅ with changes since the later part of punking is notable --K. Peake 07:11, 6 November 2020 (UTC)


 * "revealed her not featured.[3] West revealed" Change second 'revealed' for variety
 * ✅ --K. Peake 07:11, 6 November 2020 (UTC)


 * "with him, which was a result of her being "really busy;"" → "with him, due to her being "really busy;"
 * ✅ --K. Peake 07:11, 6 November 2020 (UTC)


 * "though Paul Wall filled in for her appearance on the song" → "though Wall filled in for her appearance"
 * ✅ with change --K. Peake 07:11, 6 November 2020 (UTC)


 * "features GLC and contains additional" remove "contains"
 * ❌ since this separation should be here to properly differentiate between a guest appearance and additional vocals --K. Peake 07:11, 6 November 2020 (UTC)

Composition and lyrics

 * "with syrup influences." what does this mean?
 * The song is mentioned as a nod to Houston, where the syrup/lean drug comes from; see 1 --K. Peake 08:20, 6 November 2020 (UTC)
 * Ah. Still don't fully understand that but that's ok. – zmbro (talk) 23:05, 6 November 2020 (UTC)


 * "The track includes elements of jazz, which were described as being mashed with "narcotic funk."[8][9][10]"
 * Shouldn't it be "Which was"?
 * I would say who described it in this way
 * ✅ for both but only identified the publication since it is not notable here the name of the reviewer because its not reception


 * "The track features a light "effortless" beat groove.[6]" Change this sentence to something like "Its beat and groove were described by ____ of _____ as "light" and "effortless"" or something similar. Right now the paragraph just reads like a bunch of bullets thrown together.
 * ✅ with changes --K. Peake 08:20, 6 November 2020 (UTC)


 * If you're going to mention the RPM in the slowed section, I would say what the normal RPM is earlier
 * ❌ since I cannot find this, but isn't it fine because the chopping and screwing obviously alters RPM? --K. Peake 08:20, 6 November 2020 (UTC)
 * Yeah it's good then. – zmbro (talk) 23:11, 6 November 2020 (UTC)


 * "In the lyrics of the song," → "In the lyrics,"
 * "by fame, wealth and luxury." Add comma after 'wealth' (American grammar)
 * "person called Mali," → "person named Mali," not entirely necessary, but I think it sounds more formal
 * ✅ for the above --K. Peake 08:20, 6 November 2020 (UTC)


 * "In a performance that was called "hypnotic,"" By whom?
 * ✅ by identifying the publication --K. Peake 08:20, 6 November 2020 (UTC)


 * "Certain lyrics of the song" → "Certain lyrics" you don't need to say "of the song" so much
 * ❌ because in this context it may sound like I am still talking about Paul Wall's verse --K. Peake 08:20, 6 November 2020 (UTC)

Release and promotion

 * "The song was included as the eleventh track" I would add 'also' or 'later' before 'included'; either would work

Reception

 * Comment: "who generally praised the lyrical content." well of course; "My car's like the movie, my car's like the crib/I got more TVs in here than where I live/And that don't make no sense, but baby, I'm the shit" might be the greatest rap lyric of all time xD
 * Are you being sarcastic or just commenting friendlily, no offence? --K. Peake 08:20, 6 November 2020 (UTC)
 * Sorry didn't see this one. Commenting friendly. Really is one of my all-time favorite lyrics cuz of how much sense it doesn't make :-) – zmbro (talk) 15:47, 7 November 2020 (UTC)


 * While writing my first FA, I was told that these reception sections need to flow well and not read as just a bunch of bullet points. One instance I think this is the case is "Entertainment Weekly critic David Browne opined that the song "starts with West spinning childhood stories," before "guest rappers overtake him."" I would move this to a spot where others praise the featured artists and maybe say something about how Browne thought both of them were superior; kinda like how it's always a debate over who in "Monster" was better: Kanye or Jay-Z but everyone agrees Nicki Minaj was the standout. I would check out WP:RECEPTION for further assistance.
 * ❌ I know what you are trying to get at here, but this part is directly after the mentions of Paul Wall's verse that are the only references to guest rappers --K. Peake 08:20, 6 November 2020 (UTC)


 * Going along with the previous comment, I would start the second para with a general summary, such as "Other reviewers praised the music itself" as this para seems to be more about the music
 * ✅ with changes --K. Peake 08:20, 6 November 2020 (UTC)


 * "the song's speed is cranked down "in a furtive nod to the 'chopped and screwed' craze," which de-emphasizes "the sound's druggy haze" while "seemingly aiming for a thoughtful brood." I think this whole bit belongs in the comp section. Seems out of place here
 * ❌ since I have already covered the chopping and screwing there; this part is suited for reception with phrasing like "druggy haze" --K. Peake 08:20, 6 November 2020 (UTC)


 * "Despite being a critical success, the song had a lack of airplay; West himself admitted this.[24]" He admitted to what? That he was the reason for the lack of airplay? Or what exactly?
 * ✅ if this looks fine? --K. Peake 08:20, 6 November 2020 (UTC)
 * I'd still like to know what he "admitted" to. Was he the reason it didn't receive airplay? – zmbro (talk) 23:29, 6 November 2020 (UTC)
 * I also think this sentence is out of place here. It doesn't always have to directly copy the lead. I'd move it to release and have it be the final sentence there (just remove "Despite being a critical success"). Then you can add that because of this it failed to chart.
 * ✅ I was unsure about this myself initially but did not add the chart part because I thought it would be OR due to no mention --K. Peake 08:20, 6 November 2020 (UTC)

Live performance and appearances in media

 * Fine

Remix

 * "Speaking of collaborating with T.I. for the remix, West called him" → "Discussing the collaboration, West called T.I."
 * ✅ --K. Peake 08:20, 6 November 2020 (UTC)


 * Is there a reason it never received an official release?
 * When did the video premiere?
 * None of the above are known --K. Peake 08:20, 6 November 2020 (UTC)


 * "West collaborator Hype Williams directed the visual, which was shot after the song had been recorded.[2]" This is kind of a no-brainer as most music videos are shot after; when you say "directed the visual" do you mean the whole thing? If so, I'd just remove this entire sentence and change the prev sentence to "An accompanying music video, directed by West collaborator Hype Williams, premiered on MTV;"
 * "Paul Wall said of following on from working on the song by collaborating with Williams on the music video," That's a gigantic mouthful. Change to "Wall said of his collaboration with Williams:"
 * " both of which are in Nevada" change this to just "in Nevada". If you don't like that, maybe try "It was filmed at multiple locations in Nevada, including Reno and the Fremont Street Experience in downtown Las Vegas."
 * ✅ for the above --K. Peake 08:20, 6 November 2020 (UTC)


 * Who is Mari?
 * ❌ this person has been introduced in composition and lyrics --K. Peake 08:20, 6 November 2020 (UTC)
 * This person is named "Mali" in that section but named "Mari" in the lead and this section. – zmbro (talk) 23:25, 6 November 2020 (UTC)
 * My bad, have fixed this and introduced properly --K. Peake 06:51, 7 November 2020 (UTC)


 * This section in general seems out of order. Feel like "The music video features cameos from Paul Wall and T.I.[29]" should be mentioned before "that's a highlight of any artis[t's] career."
 * Shouldn't this bit be in the second para, as it is very relevant to the part about the synopsis? --K. Peake 08:20, 6 November 2020 (UTC)
 * My thing is reading the section it threw me off reading Paul Wall's comment before I even knew he was in it at all. Maybe move his comment after the cameos sentence. – zmbro (talk) 23:25, 6 November 2020 (UTC)
 * Have revised this; Paul Wall's comment belongs at the start because it gives background on his involvement with the video but the fact he has a cameo should be mentioned at the start of the second para, though should the cameos that are also written about in detail be mentioned in this sentence? --K. Peake 06:51, 7 November 2020 (UTC)


 * "At two minutes and four seconds in, the Reno Arch is shown." This seems odd to say about an unreleased music video. Maybe just say "The Reno Arch makes an appearance at one point."?
 * ❌ since I am sure the video has been watched by these people --K. Peake 08:20, 6 November 2020 (UTC)
 * By who? – zmbro (talk) 23:25, 6 November 2020 (UTC)
 * Reno Gazette-Journal will have read it, as otherwise they would not have named it to the Reno music videos list --K. Peake 06:51, 7 November 2020 (UTC)

Track listing

 * Do we have any track lengths available?
 * No, unfortunately --K. Peake 08:20, 6 November 2020 (UTC)
 * That is unfortunate. Oh well. – zmbro (talk) 23:26, 6 November 2020 (UTC)

Credits and personnel

 * Looks good

Release history

 * Looks good

Final thoughts

 * Overall not too bad. I may have further thoughts regarding the remix section but I wanna hear your thoughts about it first before I say anything else. Should be a GA in no time :-) – zmbro (talk) 00:52, 6 November 2020 (UTC)
 * I have responded to all of your points above, any more upon another look? --K. Peake 08:20, 6 November 2020 (UTC)
 * Yeah I'll add some more responses tonight when I'm off work. You probably won't see them til tomorrow but it's not like I'm gonna set a time limit on this so no worries. – zmbro (talk) 15:24, 6 November 2020 (UTC)
 * There is supposed to be a limit of a week to respond to comments, but I can easily meet that. Place this on hold when you are ready! --K. Peake 21:59, 6 November 2020 (UTC)
 * On hold. – zmbro (talk) 23:31, 6 November 2020 (UTC)
 * Covered everything, ready to pass now? --K. Peake 08:30, 7 November 2020 (UTC)


 * Yep. Passing – zmbro (talk) 15:47, 7 November 2020 (UTC)