Talk:Duane Courtney/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Big  Dom  22:41, 9 July 2010 (UTC)

Comments
The rest of the article looks fine; there is a good balance in the amount of prose dedicated to his time at each club and it is reasonably well written. Once the above comments have been addressed, I will gladly pass this as a GA. I'll place it on hold for one week. Big Dom  22:41, 9 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Maybe the first part of the Career section, "Born in Birmingham, West Midlands," would be more suited to the Personal life section.
 * Moved to "Personal life". Mattythewhite (talk) 01:40, 10 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Relating to the last point, my official Burnley FC history book says that Courtney's place of birth was actually Oldbury, West Midlands not Birmingham. Don't know which source it would be best to go off.
 * I imagine that would be more accurate with it being more specific. Would you mind giving me the details of the book so I can reference it? Mattythewhite (talk) 01:40, 10 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Sure. I've done it myself just to save time. Big  Dom  08:44, 10 July 2010 (UTC)
 * "Player of the Season" in the lead, but "player of the season" in the Career section. I have no preference, but would like to see consistent capitalisation.
 * Consistently capitalised. Mattythewhite (talk) 01:40, 10 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Looks OK now. Big  Dom  08:44, 10 July 2010 (UTC)
 * In the bit about Burnley, three consecutive sentences begin "He made..." Maybe it's time to get the thesaurus out.
 * Have tried mixing it up a bit. Mattythewhite (talk) 01:40, 10 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Definitely better now. Big  Dom  08:44, 10 July 2010 (UTC)
 * The second paragraph should begin "Courtney signed..." rather than "He signed...". To be honest, you could probably do with substituting a few like this throughout the article as "He..." does get a bit repetitive.
 * Have had a go at adding a few more Courtneys. Mattythewhite (talk) 01:40, 10 July 2010 (UTC)
 * "carrying a knock" and "a niggly injury" – I realise these are sourced but they're both very journalistic phrases, not really suitable for an encyclopaedia. Not sure that "niggly" is even a word. Why not just say that he was injured?
 * Reworded. Mattythewhite (talk) 01:40, 10 July 2010 (UTC)
 * "after having yet to be offered a new contract by Kidderminster" – "after having yet" doesn't make sense to me. I think the entire sentence needs splitting and re-wording to be honest; I would suggest the following: "Following the signing of Lee Vaughan in the summer of 2010, Courtney's position at Kidderminster looked tenuous and he was not offered a new contract by the club. On 24 May 2010, he joined fellow Conference club York City on a one-year contract.
 * Reworded and added some more content. Mattythewhite (talk) 01:40, 10 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Very good. Big  Dom  08:44, 10 July 2010 (UTC)
 * I'll pass it now, everything looks in order. Congrats. Big  Dom  08:44, 10 July 2010 (UTC)