Talk:Earthshot Prize/GA1

GA Review
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Nominator: 18:12, 19 April 2024 (UTC)

Reviewer: Tim O'Doherty (talk · contribs) 14:50, 31 May 2024 (UTC)

Lead
 * "'waste-free living', and 'climate action'" - don't need the Oxford comm


 * Introduce Attenborough


 * "Prince William and Attenborough" - drop Prince

Background and launch
 * What's the rationale behind the massive quote at the start?
 * Could you please elaborate further? Should it be rephrased or removed?


 * "crucial decades for the environment [..] We must have some hope" - MOS:..., should be "crucial decades for the environment.... We must have some hope"


 * "to be given to five individuals or organisations who provided impactful and sustainable solutions for the planet's environmental problems between 2021 and 2030" - open to misinterpretation: five people/organisations over the 10 year span, or each year for ten years? Finding solutions for the planet's problems between 2021 and 2030, finding solutions for the problems that existed between 2021 and 2030, or the prize to be awarded between 2021 and 2030? Needs a rework.
 * "cited the work of his grandfather Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, father King Charles III" - why is it "Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh" but not "Prince William, Duke of Cambridge"? Charles isn't king by this point. "father" -> "his father".


 * Inconsistent between "the prize" and "the Prize".
 * "former US President John F. Kennedy" -> "the former American president John F. Kennedy"


 * "launched the project in October 2020, with a prize budget of £50 million" - not separate points: "in October 2020 with a prize budget of £50 million"


 * "To commemorate the launch, William" - ditto, the comma shouldn't be here


 * "Prince William and Attenborough both appeared" - repetition, "the pair" or similar is fine


 * "detailed the importance of environmental work" -> quite a fuzzy and vague phrase: a bit of detail would be nice
 * "In July 2022, it was announced" - drop comma
 * I would have dropped it had only the year been mentioned. When the month has been mentioned, we don't drop it. I have checked with the other articles.


 * "The Royal Foundation" - T -> t


 * "the Earthshot Prize had become" - don't need the full name again: it's like writing "Paul McCartney" or "Eric Cantona" at every instance in their biography in place of "McCartney" or "Cantona". Just "the prize" or "the organisation" is fine.


 * "Zoë Ware, and Jean-Christophe Gray" - comma again


 * "Jacinda Ardern later joined the board" - introduce her: "the former prime minister of New Zealand" or similar


 * "later joined" - an idea of time would be useful: "joined the year later" etc


 * What has the last paragraph got to do with the launch? Should be moved or merged into the next section: "Management and funding"?

Funding
 * "Conservation International, and the Bezos Earth Fund" - ditto


 * "In an interview about the Earthshot Prize broadcast on 14 October 2021, William told the BBC's Newscast about the rise in "climate anxiety" among younger generations, and suggested that rich entrepreneurs should be "trying to repair this planet, not trying to find the next place to go and live"." - what has this got to do with funding?
 * ✅ Removed it. William's statement, although relevant to the overall context of environmental concerns and the ethos behind the Earthshot Prize, does not pertain to its funding mechanisms. It could be more appropriately placed in another section. What do you suggest?

Categories and nomination process
 * "In September 2023, ahead of the second Earthshot Prize Innovation Summit in New York City, animal rights and climate activist, Genesis Butler, partnered with Generation Vegan to request the Prince of Wales to add an "Advance a Plant-Based Food System" category, matching the sum that the other five category winners receive.[24]" - did anything come of this? If not, why is it relevant?

More to come. Tim O&#39;Doherty (talk) 14:50, 31 May 2024 (UTC)


 * @Tim O'Doherty Thanks for taking the article up for GAR. I would be addressing your comments soon. Regards. MSincccc (talk) 15:18, 31 May 2024 (UTC)
 * @Tim O'Doherty Do you want me to remove it or modify it? Please let me know of your thoughts on this. Regards. MSincccc (talk) 05:45, 4 June 2024 (UTC)

Earthshot Prize Council Earthshot Prize Global Alliance
 * - word salad. Don't need both "wide" and "varied" or "positive" and "space". "range of sectors dedicated towards environmental action" would be much tighter.
 * - introduce these people.
 * - what's the relevance here? Is the open letter that significant?
 * Removed
 * - introduce
 * They have been introduced in the paragraph above.
 * - "William and Attenborough"
 * They have been introduced in the paragraph above.
 * - "William and Attenborough"
 * - drop comma
 * I would have dropped it had only the year been mentioned. When the month has been mentioned, we don't drop it. I have checked with the other articles and mentioned this previously as well (see above).


 * - it's been over two years - can we have an update?
 * - why the capitals? Alternatively you could do "The Fellowship Programme, lasting nine months, was launched in 2022..."
 * - again, you don't need "various" if you tell us which ones later in the sentence.
 * - comma
 * The OED does not recommend doing so in this case.
 * - same
 * See the dual responses above


 * - out of place in this section.
 * It's part of the activities with regard to the Earthshot Prize Global Alliance. Where else in the article could it be placed? Looking forward to knowing from you.

More to come. Tim O&#39;Doherty (talk) 14:44, 8 June 2024 (UTC)


 * @Tim O'Doherty I have tried to address your comments in an effective matter. Looking forward to your response. Regards. MSincccc (talk) 17:04, 8 June 2024 (UTC)

2021 Award winners and nominees
 * "The location of the ceremony will alternate each year." - not relevant to the section
 * " The 2021 Earthshot Prize ceremony took place on 17 October 2021" - repetitive: "the ceremony" is fine
 * "Alexandra Palace, and was broadcast" - comma
 * You give the venue as Alexandra Palace but you don't say where it is: London. Not everybody knows where it is and it should be added.
 * "Emma Thompson, Emma Watson, David Oyelowo and Mohamed Salah" - introduce them: actress, actress, actor, footballer
 * "60 cyclists pedalling on bikes provided the power for music performances" - per MOS:NUMNOTES this should be "sixty", but the sentence reads oddly as well: a bit more information would be good. What was it powering? Lights, speakers, instruments? How was it converted? etc...
 * "None of the celebrities flew to London and the stage was built using non-plastic material" - I'm guessing the focus here is on the flying and not London, but it doesn't seem like it the way it's written. "None of the celebrities travelled to London by plane" would be better. What material specifically?
 * "All of the guests were advised to choose environmentally appropriate outfits" - what makes an outfit "environmentally appropriate"?

Tim O&#39;Doherty (talk) 14:39, 15 June 2024 (UTC)


 * @Tim O'Doherty Thank you for your time and suggestions. I have addressed all your comments. Looking forward to knowing your thoughts. Regards. MSincccc (talk) 17:01, 15 June 2024 (UTC)
 * @Tim O'Doherty Pinging as it's been over a fortnight since I last received comments from you. Looking forward to your response. Have a great day ahead. Regards. MSincccc (talk) 14:13, 2 July 2024 (UTC)

2022 Award winners and nominees Tim O&#39;Doherty (talk) 19:29, 2 July 2024 (UTC)
 * "Boston, United States" - you could probably drop "United States": you didn't say "London, England" before.
 * "Nominations for the second prize ceremony opened on 6 January 2022, with 300 nominating partners eligible to submit" - this is the second sentence in this paragraph, but the corresponding sentence in the previous section is first.
 * "15" - "Fifteen"
 * "2022, and the winners" - comma needed?
 * "Sir David Attenborough narrated" - "Attenborough"
 * "the Princess of Wales" - you've linked her above


 * @Tim O'Doherty I have addressed all your comments except for the second one which I could not understand clearly. Could you please elaborate further on that point? Regards MSincccc (talk) 15:01, 3 July 2024 (UTC)

2023 Award winners and nominees
 * - can we have a mention of the first?
 * Remove false titles: -> ;  -> ; etc
 * Remove link to Singapore: MOS:OL.

Tim O&#39;Doherty (talk) 21:54, 20 July 2024 (UTC)


 * @Tim O'Doherty All your concerns have been addressed. Looking forward to your response. Regards. MSincccc (talk) 10:47, 21 July 2024 (UTC)