Talk:Edgar Williams/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Djmaschek (talk · contribs) 20:29, 5 September 2022 (UTC)

Initial review comment
I plan to GA review this article. Djmaschek (talk) 20:29, 5 September 2022 (UTC)

Review 1
For B class reviews, I usually fix typos and other minor errors. For GA reviews, the nominator gets to fix all errors, however trivial. If you disagree, please argue your case. Djmaschek (talk) 21:29, 5 September 2022 (UTC)
 * ✅ (1) Well-written, (2) Verifiable, (3) Broad coverage, (4) Neutral, (5) Stable, (6) Illustrated.
 * In my opinion, the two-sentence introduction is too brief for a GA class article. For example, there is no mention of (1) the fact that he was one of the very few persons who were privy to the Ultra secret, or (2) his work with Rhodes scholars (Rhodes House means nothing to me, nor to most Americans, I'm guessing), or (3) that he was retained by Montgomery as an intel officer.
 * ✅ Added bits about this. Hawkeye7   (discuss)  22:33, 5 September 2022 (UTC)
 * Early life, paragraph 1: "where here played soccer" (he).
 * ✅ Corrected. Hawkeye7   (discuss)  22:33, 5 September 2022 (UTC)
 * North Africa, paragraph 1: "sent to the Cyrenaica" (the? I've never seen it referred to as "the Cyrenaica".)
 * ✅ Deleted. Hawkeye7   (discuss)  22:33, 5 September 2022 (UTC)
 * North Africa, paragraph 2: "The appointment of de Guingand, an officer with no experience in intelligence, said much about the state..." The sentence sounds as if it is entirely about de Guingand. I wonder if you really mean: "The appointment of Williams by de Guingand".
 * ✅ Re-worked to make my point more clearly.
 * Just curious: who was the DMI fired for not correctly forecasting? (This does not need to be included.)
 * Brigadier Eric James "John" Shearer. Hawkeye7   (discuss)  22:33, 5 September 2022 (UTC)
 * North Africa, paragraph 4: Use of the word "cossetted". My memory of reading about the desert war comes up with the word "corsetted" instead. Can you double check?
 * ✅ Ooops! Corrected. Hawkeye7   (discuss)  22:33, 5 September 2022 (UTC)
 * North Africa, paragraph 4: "Williams suggested that the two could be separated, then it might be possible to break through the Italian forces." (add "if" after "that")
 * ✅ Added. Hawkeye7   (discuss)  22:33, 5 September 2022 (UTC)
 * Northwest Europe, paragraph 1, sentence 2. Capitalize first word (when > When).
 * ✅ Capitalised. Hawkeye7   (discuss)  22:33, 5 September 2022 (UTC)


 * All good. I will promote to GA class. My apologies about the delay. Djmaschek (talk) 23:09, 15 September 2022 (UTC)